My Therapist Asked Me This Question And It Bugged Me Out, Need Your Thoughts!

[Deleted member 23044]

Well, I called it a flashback, or maybe it was just a body memory, whatever it was... it felt like someone was there when there was no one there. It literally felt like there was a ghost in my panties. Literally. This is the first time I've ever felt ANYTHING like this. At first it was like I did not realize it was happening, I thought I was just waking up really horny. But it'd escalate to the point where I was wowed, could not ignore it, I even wrote about it, how it felt like something was there when there wasn't. It was happening while I was out, too, walking around and talking to people, and I started to get angry at it like, "damnit, go away please! stop making a messy in my panties! people will know!" And feeling embarrassed about it, and my stomach hurting/total discomfort from time to time off and on.

Her first question was, what triggered it? I didn't know at first, but I might have an idea now... but it's still foggy in my mind. I didn't mind this question, it made me wonder... it just felt like I woke up one day really "horny" and for days after that it kept happening and escalating. I suppose there is always a trigger. I'll avoid the trigger that I think might have been the trigger, from here on out.

Then she asked... something along the lines of(I think I may have dissociated during this last session and I didn't know about it!!!) "Did it feel like a penis or fingers, do you think it may have been sex?" And I felt SO DEFENSIVE immediately, I may or may not have said, "Why would you even ask that question?" In a really nasty tone(did I get nasty, really? Idk!!!!), but I think I did for a split second but I don't really remember fully because I think the very question sent me whirling and my memory of this period during our last session is holey now!. Then, in a defense, I said "fingers," too quickly, "it was fingers." But that was quickly followed with a, "wait," and I took a moment to remember how it felt, gentle thrusts inside of me... it was like a gentle f*cking, if it was, and then I said, "maybe it was, it could have been, maybe it was I don't know." And I felt really internally confused and distraught over the whole thing.

Now I can't stop obsessing over her question... it was like she planted an idea in my head, and I'm trying not to have idea's planted in my head. I love her as a therapist, she's been amazing to me and given me so much knowledge and help.... but why this? Why did she have to ask that question, and why did I respond so angrily and defensive like, any ideas?

I will bring this up during our next session, but Idk, I need outside opinions, please help!

 

[SwordsPandaGirl]

That's what happens to me every time I get a flashback. As for the question, I have no clue why she may have asked that. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, I would recommend telling her how this question has made you feel. It is very distressing and annoying (especially if you're out). Hope you don't experience any more!.

 

[arfie]

My version of this started fading with menopause. That heightened my belief that normal, healthy hormones can also be a trigger. I love being able to admire a beautiful man hunk without being thusly triggered.

But I had not shortage of other triggers for it. Like you seem to be experiencing, early awareness of the sequence bugged me out to the max. Set me to obsessing for quite a long while. The obsessing was counter-productive. Learning how to identify triggers, et al, took allot of patient observation. The obsessing only got in the way of observing.

be patient, robotdaily. Let the mystery reveal itself at its own speed. Small bites and long chews.

 

[Deleted member 23044]

I had a mini revelation!

I think that I felt defensive and angry because... well, because I've been telling myself that I never had sex with him. In fact, I only thought there was one incident, at first, and that was it. I convinced myself there was ONLY ONE TIME, but the new memories... tell a completely different story, and it's like, ripping my entire reality apart, and, I just wanted to hold onto my virginity. It's possible that I'm in the deepest denial that I've ever been in. That's why I got defensive, I was protecting my own belief about myself, my own honor... that I would never have had sex with him, that I was a virgin for so long... because I don't want to believe that I was ever in that position, that I could have participated, etc.etc.etc. Dang, what the f*ck, this is f*cked up, that motherf*cking bastard. THEY ALL NEED TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES and take responsibility and go to f*cking prison or worse, the end. All of them.

I still don't know why she asked that question, it was like she literally was poking around trying to either 1. plant the idea in my mind or, 2. make me remember by planting the idea in my mind. As if she already KNEW the truth, and was pushing me to remember/believe it. God I'm so paranoid.

And I'm sorry it's been happening to you both... I guess, I hope I don't get any more flashbacks, lol. But if I do get those kinds again, I suppose I'll look forward to menopause(I already do anyway, ha!).

I'll try to keep obsession down to a minimum, and become more aware of myself. Thank you guys!

 

[arfie]

I suffered some pretty serious amnesia. Blocked out my entire childhood. Even the return of innocent memories was traumatic for me during the early healing. One of my counselors told me she believed a memory block coming down was literally a psychotic break; that the memory blocks had become a piece of my mind and losing them was breaking a system which had served me through allot of tough years. She was not sure paranoia was quite the right word for the suspicion and confusion which accompanied the process. She felt I was processing a new awareness of very real hurts.

As for the other question, that is a new one on me. I would ask her directly.

keep going, robotdaily. You are making good progress.