My Therapist Finally Touched Upon My Traumas, I Think?

[Changing4Best]

For many months now, my therapist has given me biographies to read. Finally she gave me one about a young girl who was molested. Since I was young when this happened to me, I think she did this to see how I would react to the book. However, I am not sure. Anyway, I chose not to finish reading this one. I said to myself, I had to accept what happened to me when I was a child, I had no choice then. However, I don't have to read this now, I can say "NO!" to it and walk away from it and so I did. I have not told her this yet, because I was supposed to go to see her today, however I am sick. So, I don't know how she will react to my decision. I got maybe half way through the book and didn't feel like reading the rest of it.

Do you think I made the right decision? Should I have finished reading it? I just could not bring myself to do so, it was so awful to envision and read.

This is the only time she has done anything to address my traumas. (I had a rape as an adult too, and that has not been addressed at all either). Normally she has me address recent things, not my childhood or the adult rape. I'm not sure she did this on purpose either. I'm puzzled.

 

[sun seeker]

The fact that you made the decision to stop reading shows me a few things: that you are able to make choices about how much exposure is safe for you, that you have enough self awareness to know when you need to stop, and that you don't feel the need to blindly do what others tell you. There may be other significant things here I don't know about. All of it sounds like a good thing to me.

Is reading this book what made you sick, or were you sick anyway?

 

[Forgetful]

I think it was a very good decision, especially if it has not been addressed yet in therapy. Doing so could be retraumatising (if that's a word). Recently I found my H journal from when I was in the military. Although it was not part of my traumas it brought up disturbing thoughts and feelings because the hurt and anger was apparent and hasn't really processed yet (even though it's been more than 20 years). I had to pack it away because it was too painful to read and was affecting me badly.

I think your T will understand and agree that it was a wise decision. I've had to stop reading and even walk out of movies I've been watching for similar reasons.

Good decision.

 

[Changing4Best]

@sun seeker Thanks, you two, I very much appreciate the input. I got sick twice after I read the book, so it may well be that it caused me to be sick, I had not thought of that!

I'm doing well, usually, without having ever addressed my traumas in therapy, so I think I would not want to take the chance to bring on more than I can handle in addressing them now. I also read some time ago that EMDR should not be run on the elderly, of which I am one, so I think that things are best left the way they are.

The only time I ever addressed my traumas in a theraputic setting was when I wrote my trauma diary here. I think that was enough of a venture into them, and I don't feel I ever need to go back to address them further. I guess I will tell my therapist that when next I see her.

 

[Panda Bear]

You won't know what she was thinking about the cause behind the book suggestion until you ask her....though, I'd want a reason with the suggestion in the first place.

Personally, T has given book suggestions and the last one was HARD for me to read, he told me that it would be and that I should try. I did and couldn't finish it, but did manage to read another sad book and did well! It was a great conversation that I could live through the discomfort.

I'm curious, have you been with T for long? Is she not addressing traumas because you need more skills? Need more comfort and time to get to that point? You seem ready, but maybe you're not just. Ask! It's the best way to find an understanding. I wanted to talk so bad, and it seemed like a good idea, and often thought T was avoiding what happened, made me question the validity of what happened. Reality, I didn't have the skills to even get two minutes into what happened.

Just an idea.

 

[Changing4Best]

I heard that addressing traumas in therapy for the elderly is not workable. I guess there is too great a danger of heart attack, stroke or whatever. At this point in my therapy, I am not interested in addressing traumas either.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

For many months now, my therapist has given me biographies to read. Finally she gave me one about a...

I usually do everything my therapist asks BUT not always; he wanted me to write my mother a letter, not gonna happen, he wanted me to write out from start to finish my emtire past and there was a part where i stopped that involved my step dad as my firat love at 12 before all the cult stuff; my body had this reaction that i still today dont understand, ended up cutting down there for punishment and that was the end of that. You make the decision of what YOU can do and handle and im sure she has an idea tou were sexuallt abused. Therapist has these clues if you will. Like i went to my therapist for a yr before i told him why i was really there but tho he didnt know i grew up in satanic cult and tho he didnt know how bad the bad stuff was, he knew i had been sexually abused, had issues with fear of women due to things i said, and had an idea that whatever the abuse was, it was sexual and somehow included my mom or some female.

 

[Changing4Best]

I think it is understood that the patient has a right to say "No." to anything he or she is not comfortable with in therapy. It is the same as refusing medicines due to side affects or something like that. We always have that right and it is one that any good therapist should honor.

I guess we have the right not to answer any question posed to us in therapy too, for that matter.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Does it even matter why she did it, the fact is you made choices to meet your needs that protect you from being re traumatizing, so it does not matter if what she thinks of your decision. You took care of you and that is what matters.

But you may want to consider why she gave you all that material, maybe she was trying to find a connection with you, some common interest that she can begin with to get you to open up.

I think the best thing you could do is just be upfront, honest, and frank about it all.

 

[amosmorris]

How do you feel in general about your T? Do you feel close to her and some degree of trust? While on one hand I see the book gesture as an effort to connect with you, I also see it as a moment to really talk through the disconnect between you too....ie, she's trying to get you to go somewhere you'd rather not. That's all important stuff in terms of learning about how she can support you and also about your own limits. I hope the next session goes well!