My therapist has decided that my husband is a good man

[Gs172003]

But she has only met him twice. Should I worry about that?

 

[Stephernovas]

why are you?

 

[barefoot]

What is it that worries you about that?
That she thinks he’s a good man?
That she has made a judgement after meeting him twice?
Something else?

I don’t think I have seen in other posts what you think of your husband so apologies if I don’t know enough context to be more useful.

Do you think your husband is a good man?

What does being a good man mean to you?

 

[Gs172003]

That she's made a judgement call that quick I guess. She told me during my last session with her how he's a good man but she's only met him a couple of times. How does she know?

 

[scout86]

How does she know?

You could ask her that.

 

[Mee]

your therapist might also have formed an opinion from your dialogue?

My first thought was ‘in what context is this important?’ Is it that you are evaluating your therapist and her conclusion drawing skills and/ or delivery of opinions and /or match for you OR are you evaluating your relationship? I really like my best friend’s boyfriend BUT it doesn’t matter , because he is not My partner; It’s her relationship. So if she feels the relationship is ill suited for her my opinion on HIM as a person is not relevant because the relationship is not right if she isn’t in it.

I hope you find your answer!

 

[Rose White]

My T never met my husband and has only seen one picture of him where you could barely see his face. From that picture she said she could tell he loved me, he was sort of hugging me and leaning on me, we were sitting next to each other at the dinner table—she said she could tell he was crazy about me.

I think she’s right, but it bothered me too. Mostly because I always talk about all the crappy things he does—so why would she say that? I think she’s trying to help normalize my marriage?

She also talks about how she would love to punch him, when he does the manipulative stuff but whenever we have a good turn of events she says something like, I KNEW he loved you!

She talks about him as being manipulative, but only from a place of deep fear and insecurity, not narcissism or psychopathy.

Could your T be trying to normalize your experiences? Trying to help you stay grounded?

 

[MyWillow]

My T met my partner once and thought he was well organised. I’m not sure who laughed more. Me or my partner. My T has helped me realise that my partner may be freaking hopeless at a lot of things but he means well. She could have listened to my ranting about all the dumb shit he’s done and encourage my thinking that I should leave him. But that would just support my crappy black and white thinking. And that I was rather keen on bailing on him before he could bail on me. No relationship is perfect. Damn it. Lol.

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @Zoogal.. Is he a good man to you?... Does he love, care and support you.?... That's what makes a good man /partner... X

 

[Neverthesame]

I would be urked by that too.

I can't articulate it properly as to why I'd feel that way. Sort of like a betrayal... no that's not it. Dismissal?
After spending so much time and effort to work through and get past some huge painful problems with my spouse, to get to the point of wanting to attempt fixing the marriage.
Therapist meets them twice, now this person who is associated with so much frustration and pain is suddenly just f*cking dandy? Yeah, ouch.

I imagine it would be (for myself) taking what the T said then blowing it out of proportion, or missing the point entirely. But I'd still feel like all my hurt I've suffered in the marriage was suddenly a joke.

I made a few assumptions in there @Zoogal if I'm way off base, I meant no disrespect.

 

[Gs172003]

Hi @Zoogal.. Is he a good man to you?... Does he love, care and support you.?... That's...

He's got good points and bad points but sometimes my view is skewed by the past

 

[EveHarrington]

Why does it matter what she thinks?

It shouldn’t.

And on the flip side, well, would she really know for sure? No....considering that abusive people can hide that part of themselves for years.