My Therapist Is Leaving On A Vacation For Whole Summer

[expectingbetter]

This is the first thread I am posting myself.

I would really appreciate any advice.

I am in therapy about two years already, almost 8 months with current therapist.
I have found out recently that she is taking vacation which will last the entire summer. I haven't been without therapy for more than few weeks since I have started my therapy.
I am really anxious and scared how I will manage to go through the whole summer without even having such kind of support as I really lack any support in my life.

I would like to hear your suggestions on what I should focus the most during the few more sessions I am still left before she leaves in order to improve my chances to go through the whole season without major brake downs. What would you suggest to talk to her to make myself more capable to survive without having therapy for months.
There is no any possibility to find the replacement for her for this period.

I am really thankful for all answers in advance.

 

[Justmehere]

Are there are support services she is recommending?

Why isn't a replacement therapist an option? Every therapist should be able to connect a client to another therapist in the event that the therapist can not continue to provide services for an extended period of time. Otherwise, it's patient abandonment. The only exception is if she is effecting you, but you simply can't afford those options.

I would otherwise talk to her about any skills building workbooks you might be able to do over the summer and any non-professional supports that you can use when things are tough.

 

[mary1979]

Have you been developing any coping strategies for daily life with your counsellor?
If so spend your last sessions reinforcing those perhaps.

And just spend more time here :)

 

[EveHarrington]

Maybe it would be a good idea to sit down with her and make a list of all of your coping skills, things you can do for self care, supportive resources available to you, and so on so that when you need help, you pull out that list and start working through all of your options. I have a list like this myself.

 

[Malaenis]

Ditto on what mary1979 and EveHarrington said.

I'll add, if this is possible for you, hang up the coping methods on your wall. Personally, remembering where I've put them in the moment I need them is difficult. So I have them on the wall right at the level of my head where I usually sit in my house. Then in my bedroom the walls are plastered with inspirational and uplifting quotes. If you type either of those phrases into google under images search a ton come up and you, and your therapist, can find some that would work for you. Again, if this is possible for you. I find visual reminders very helpful for me, but not everyone has a living situation where it would be possible to put them up.

Another thing would be to write down a daily affirmation with her. Repeat it every morning no matter how you feel(that part is very important). Especially if you can do it out loud in front of a mirror it would help even more. If you can't do that, maybe keep it written on a paper by your bedside and do it as soon as you wake up. Say it loudly in your head if you can't saying it aloud, and if you can read it aloud read it with as much confidence as possible and do your best to believe those words are true.

Lastly, if you're out and about a lot at work and whatnot, on note cards, or print a small page with your listed coping skills. Tape it to the back of your phone/wallet/something you always carry that's big enough.

Good luck. And don't forget you can find support here. :)

 

[sun seeker]

This sounds very irresponsible of her. I haven't read all the replies yet, but wanted to put in my strong opinion that this is not okay for her to do. She should have given you a lot more notice so you would have ample time to work on the separation in your sessions, and also offered to find a replacement for the time she is away. Someone working with trauma survivors would be remiss not to do this. I am angry on your behalf. I would definitely tell her this is not okay and she needs to at least find someone else to support you in her absence.

 

[expectingbetter]

Thank you so much for all of your caring and supportive answers, I am really grateful I am part of this community.

@sun seeker I agree with you it is irresponsible of her and since I already suffer from many abandonment issues this is really hard for me.
She did actually give me notice quite in a advance so I still have couple of more sessions to 'prepare' to be on my own for longer time, but honestly if I had really known for that habit of hers before starting therapy with her I would have never, ever even chosen her for my therapist. I really am disturbed due to this.
Unfortunately she is the only one in her practice and there is no available replacement.
Thank you so much for sympathizing with me, appreciated a lot.

@mary1979 I have had such a hard time only to open up to her and many wasted sessions due to that. Actually I haven't develop almost any decent coping skill. For me these 8 months with her were such a short time, I feel like I haven't made almost any progress so that's reason why I am so apprehensive of the period without even that kind of support. My therapist is great actually and I think she is a good match for me but simply I am terribly slow in getting better.
I will certainly spend more time here, thank you.

@Justmehere There isn't any possible replacement for her, she is keeping her practice alone, and no such thing as available support service here. I think she would maybe let me write an email to her if I felt a need but so far she has never answered to my emails, I expect that would at least change in such circumstances, so that's support I could maybe count on. I will certainly try to use those few sessions more to discuss some options how to go through that long period. This site is something which gives me hope I will manage :)

@EveHarrington Thank you for your advice, I actually always love to put stuff on paper too, so I will try to make such list for her, I would love to know I have few options for situations when I need to use them. I hope I will find some things to put on such list eventually.

@Malaenis Thank you so much for your long answer, I will try to establish some affirmation with her which would work for me, I don't have any yet but I assume it could work for me. The same is with a list of coping methods, I need to make such thing for myself, I hope I will find some methods during these couple of sessions I have more that could work for me. Thank you for reminding me I could always find much needed support here, I count on that already and I am really grateful for this place.

 

[scout86]

I have had such a hard time only to open up to her and many wasted sessions due to tha

Those session weren't wasted, they were spent developing some kind of trust, weren't they? That's important and it takes how long it takes. (Took me a lot more than 8 months!)

What kind of support do you need?

 

[Lotis]

I have been in therapy with several different therapists for many years and I have never heard of a therapist taking vacation for the whole summer. It is disconcerting to me that this therapist has not offered other resources for you to seek out. Perhaps a back-up for you to go see? It seems very irresponsible of him/her to just leave for an entire summer. I am not familiar with your circumstances but for a trauma survivor this is a HUGE deal. I do not blame you for being anxious or upset. I would strongly suggest speaking with him/her to find out if there is someone you can see while they are gone or something.
L

 

[expectingbetter]

@Lotis Thank you for your answer. It's simply the fact that she is taking such long holiday. She doesn't provide any replacement for herself, but I could find another therapist of course for that period or even get back to my previous one psychologist, but I don't want to, I have great problem with building trust and I can't do that from zero again, it wouldn't be useful it would only be torturing. As for getting back to previous psychologist, that could be an option for crisis but I wish I didn't need to take it.
I agree is very strange to be absent for so long.

@scout86 Thanks for assuring me that those sessions weren't wasted, that's good perspective, I like to hear that, I am really hard to trust others and I can say I do trust much more to my therapist right now so it's progress after all. But unfortunately there wasn't enough time due to that to work on coping mechanisms so I am quite a lot without them despite being in therapy for a while.
I lack basic support in my life, I have lack of people in general, I guess I am used to that support I am getting from my T who understands me at least and I haven't been so long without therapy since I have started it, that's why I am scared. I guess the support I need the most is to be able to be real me with somebody and not being judged and I don't have that. Also I am prone to having brake downs from time to time and is terribly hard to be on my own, what I usually do then is to wait for another session which is in couple of days, this way it would be in months, that is scary.

 

[scout86]

You were looking for ideas on how to use the next few sessions. I guess, if I was you, I'd focus on talking about the things you're worried about and coming up with some plans for how to deal with things.

Also I am prone to having brake downs from time to time and is terribly hard to be on my own, what I usually do then is to wait for another session which is in couple of days,

When your next session arrives, and you talk about these episodes, does your T have some things she typically says to you? Mine does. And he told me some time ago is that one of his goals is to have his voice in my head so I "hear" him repeat this stuff when I need to hear it and he's not around. He actually has talked about "when he's not around" since pretty early on.

I think talking about your concerns, and coming up with some action plans, maybe writing them down, might be reassuring, and also helpful for while she's gone. You've probably learned more than you realize.

My T encourages email between sessions but doesn't answer most of them. He's never been gone for a long time, but once in awhile I've been on the road for a couple of weeks. He always answers my emails when I'm traveling. And he kind of insists that I stay in touch. (I don't have anyone else keeping track of where I am or how I'm doing either.) Maybe your T will let you use email as a way to check in if you really need help, even if she's on vacation. And, maybe she can come up with some homework for you to work on while she's gone.

And, on the topic of vacations, everyone's different, but therapists need to have some kind of life beyond their practice too, for their own mental health. What ever her reasons for taking one long break like this, I would guess she'll come back rested and refreshed and better able to do her job. It wouldn't be my first choice, if I was in your situation, but it must work for her. You can look at dealing with it as another opportunity to learn new skills for you, and to work on the ones you already have..

 

[Justmehere]

Unfortunately she is the only one in her practice and there is no available replacement.

Often a replacement therapist would be from another practice. ivr had therapists take breaks and they always referred me to someone else, sometimes even in another city. even if I didn't go to them, it helped to know they were there. If this simply isn't an option and there is no other therapists in your area, I can appreciate that.

support in my life, I have lack of people in general, I guess I am used to that support I am getting from my T who understands me at least and I haven't been so long without therapy since I have started it, that's why I am scared. I guess the support I need the most is to be able to be real me with somebody and not being judged and I don't have that. Also I am prone to having brake downs from time to time and is terribly hard to be on my own, what I usually do then is to wait for another session which is in couple of days, this way it would be in months, that is scary.

I have been through an extended break in therapy after having the support of therapy for awhile. I was really scared. It was hard, but it turned out ok. I began to build more connections to others on my own and in general I was able to get through the time.

You have done amazing and courageous work to face the fear of opening up to her and to stick out this process with her. Even during the sessions you didn't open up as much as you wanted, you were still there connecting to her the best you could. Just by doing that you have more skills and strength than before you started therapy. All the work you have done with her is with you, all the time.

As for the kind of place where you can be the real you without being judged, that can be a hard thing to find. Maybe it would help to find a way to hold on to her while she is gone? This sounds silly, but my therapist gave me a rock from outside her office when she went on a month long break once. She said to hold on the the rock to remember she's coming back. It was a small rock and I kept it in my backpack or jacket pocket, and it actually helped. When u would get scared, I would feel the rock. It was very grounding. The second time she had to go, I quietly took a small rock from outside the office on my own.