My Triggers Are Kids!

[Nadege]

My triggers are babies and little kids, also pregnant women. The real triggers for me are not so much the sight of them, but the sounds they make - the crying, the cooing.

It is so hard for me. I am a young woman, and a young woman is not expected to have the kind of reactions to kids that I do. I get all out of sorts. In social situations I can somehow escape, but sometimes at work a client will sit down across from me and I must help them, and they have a baby or a child with them, and I'm expected to smile, wave, etc.. I suffer so much at those moments. But it's gotten somewhat better... It's been three and a half years now. Before, I used to cry when heard these sounds, I would literally jump up and leave... Now, it's gotten somewhat better. But I can't be around babies and I avoid all these baby functions. Fortunately, I don't have many friends and don't have to deal with that much.

 

[Nadege]

I would be in a mall standing in line with tears streaming down my face because there was a baby crying in the vicinity and there was nothing I could do, I needed to get my shopping done. I would be in a diner, and I would abruptly pay for my food and run out. I would cry in the middle of a church service because there were kids playing around.

It's awful.

 

[maddog]

I am similarly triggered by the presence of parents with their children, equally, yet in different ways, by those parents who appear to be interacting positively with their children, and by those who do not. At times it is almost unbearable for me to watch the normal everyday interactions of children being comforted and disciplined, educated and encouraged, etc. At such times, the overwhelming emotions of loss regarding my own childhood, together with a strange hyperawareness of the extraordinary responsibilities of parenthood, can be quite dabilitating for me.

It tends to make me rather brashly claim to hate children, which of course I don't... and almost wish I did.

Maddog

 

[Nadege]

It tends to make me rather brashly claim to hate children, which of course I don't

Same here, Maddog... I've said so many times: I don't like kids! - but it's not true. Ever since I was little myself, I've been concerned about children's well-being and rights. I donate to orphans...

 

[Sterre]

As a parent I have to admitt my child is a big trigger too. For the reason maddog describes. I try very hard to separate my triggers and feelings that I feel regarding my own youth, when I interact with my child.

I have to do that otherwise she will suffer and get confused about some strong reactions coming from me. It is pretty exhausting to live like this on a daily basis. Because I always have to be aware of the fact that my emotions are not the ones I want her to notice.
It takes away a lot of spontanity in our contact. But fortunatly there are some places we can go where I dont have to shield my emotions. It is a narrow space, but it's there.

Sometimes I feel jealous towards her. Other times I feel scared for her. Most of the time I love her to death.

I have a hard time when she is crying or sobbing. I have the tendency to project my own feelings of hurt ( when I was a child) onto her, and find it hard to make a distiction between the reasons she is crying for, and the reasons I was crying for when I was a child.

I have to remind myself on a daily basis that she is not me. Her childhood is nowhere near what my childhood was like. So her pain is different than mine was. She cries for different reasons than I did. And sometimes she just cries because she wanted peanutbutter on her sandwich instead of cheese.Or because she wants candy, and cant have it from me.

I have a strong fear that I am neglecting my child witout noticing it. I am so affraid to neglect her in an emotional way. But I have to be aware that I dont overprotect or smutter her, because of my fear for neglect.
As I said, it is a thin line, and pretty confusing sometimes.

I sometimes have difficutly with other parents and the way they raise their childeren. I see many flaws or possible dangers,where they see none. I see neglect where they see none. I see loneliness where they see none.

It is hard. But at the same time it is wonderful to have a child in my life.

I love my girl so much that it hurts.

None of the parentingskills are natural to me, the only thing that comes naturally is the enormous love I feel for her. I do my best and I am hyperaware of her signals, and to respond in a good and loving way.

 

[Lainey]

Children are not triggers for me. I'm so sorry to hear that they are for you all.

I have always felt my son was my biggest gift from God. He will love me unconditionally forever and with him I will never be alone. Through my darkest times he was my light. I was an only child and never really played games and things much, I had too much weight on my shoulders way too soon in life. With him I have revisited childhood in general. It's almost like I grew up for a second time with him only this time there were toys, food, love, and all the other things I never had.

Of course it's not all play, when it's all said and done I'm Mom. Have I spoiled him? Probably a bit, but only with attention and love. If I've learned anything from him it's how to live in the moment. It's still my biggest challenge, but he keeps me on my toes. There's nothing like randomly blowing bubbles or an impromptu "sword fight" with whatever you might have on hand.

I hope that you guys can find joy in the little things too, even when they involve kiddos... It could be the most fun form of exposure therapy ever. I suggest a water-balloon fight, but then again I might just enjoy throwing things at kids... 0.o

 

[Nadege]

I hope that you guys can find joy in the little things too, even when they involve kiddos... It could be the most fun form of exposure therapy ever. I suggest a water-balloon fight, but then again I might just enjoy throwing things at kids... 0.o

I hope I made it obvious that I want to get away from kids and their adoring mommies, not be cornered by them in my own thread. Please allow people to have feelings other than yours.

 

[Abrasky]

I understand what this can be like. Crying children also triggered me a lot until I got a memory back of my sister crying as a baby in a room with her sexually abusive father. 5 minutes before I had been babysitting her and making her laugh with funny faces. I realised my happiness and her happiness in the minutes before this did not cause that.

It is quite an understandable trigger.

I was also in my PTSD attack by my sexually abusive step-father while he was threatening my life that I basically only wanted a career so I could abuse people like he did. He basically told me I destroyed the family. actually I was a good kid and still am, it was him he was talking about. I think that is called gaslighting. Children became a trigger for me because I am afraid people are going to attack me for caring for children by inspiring them by working.

Some people are just so completely hurtful, it is understandable that you suffer pain especially when children are involved, because that should be the one safe place in a life.

 

[Innordinate]

My kids trigger me too. They will forever I imagine. Sometimes I can't be even near to them. Hear them. I drown them out with headphones. Very loud music. I shut myself in my room away from them. I spend days avoiding them. It's makes everything worse. I feel guilty that they set me off and they don't mean to or even know they do. I get images of their deaths when they cry. Or when I see them sometimes I picture bad, evil things happening to them.

I've forced myself to be around them and mostly it just ends badly. For them and me too.

I hope you can find a way past it.

I think nothing is more distressing than this.

I'm sorry I don't have better words or advice for you. If i find something I will share it with you.

 

[Nadege]

Thank you for the support, Innordinate. I don't think any advice would do anything. It's pain like a bunch of wild animals are ripping up your heart in pieces. And the child will continue crying, he will not stop crying even as they try to comfort him... but you can't cry, and no one will comfort you.

 

[Lainey]

Please allow people to have feelings other than yours.

Sorry, I was thinking you might want to get better at some point. I understand if you don't though.

 

[TeddySue]

I hope I made it obvious that I want to get away from kids and their adoring mommies.

It was very plain to me what you were saying. The pain is so intense to see children with their adoring mommies...and remembering always that there was never an adoring mommy for us.

I remember the baby crying. I remember the sound. In the beginning of my latest trauma I would cry every day, listening to myself cry, only to finally realize it was ME at age 18 months crying, and NO ONE coming to comfort me. That realization was a HUGE breakthrough for me.

I don't cry anymore.

When I am confronted with the adoring mommies and their crying child, I stand, transfixed within the moment, wondering what that child is feeling that I never, ever felt.

I do understand.