My Way To Fight Back

[Deleted member 19804]

You guys are so great, thank you so much for your kind words and support @Anarchy , @Anrish , @Recovery4Me and @gizmo :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Anarchy]

Calling past with some hugs :hug::hug::hug:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Thank you @Anarchy for checking in :hug: :hug: :hug: it means a lot.

So, as I posted in the accomplishments forum, I've finally told the police about my trauma. Today is the day after, and I'm still kind of riding out the after shock I think. I had some trouble falling asleep last night, which is a rare thing for me. But overall I think I'm doing quite well, given the significance of what I did yesterday.

This morning I called in sick to work, because I felt I needed some time for myself. Lately I've been having a lot of trouble taking care of myself and keeping my home tidy, so today I wanted to do some self care. I did a lot of laundry, which has already made a big difference, and I've started sorting out my winter and spring/summer clothes. I've also added some clothes to the "donation pile" I've been building up for a while. Now I just have to deliver it to the Salvation Army. And in the spirit of taking care of myself I cooked dinner. Tofu with peas and carrots, LOL. Well at least I'm getting my vitamins. I might have some fruit for dessert.

The big question right now is whether or not I will make a formal report with the police about having been raped. I'll try to list some pros and cons here, and perhaps I'll add to them later.

Making a formal report -
Pros:
- The police may start a formal investigation, which would officially register the rapist as a suspect in the police system
- The rapist will be confronted with what he's done
- I will have the satisfaction of having done everything I could do after the fact
- Even if there is no formal investigation, my report may support other reports that may be out there, or will be out there some day. This not only supports my report, but also the reports of any other victims he may have made.
- My parents will be proud of me and feel like some justice has been served.
- If he would win a case against him, he would still always carry the label of a suspect of sexual assault. Anyone who does their research on him would find out about him, making it hard for him to ever find a job.

Cons:
- For the investigation I will have to go through every detail of what happened, which can be traumatic all over again. Also, not all I remember is clear anymore, given the fact that I was very probably in psychological shock at the time and it's almost been five years
- Confronting the rapist gives him an opportunity to confront me as well, and he could do a lot of damage with that. A male like him will have no shame or boundaries, so he will play it very dirty.
- I'm still absolutely terrified of him
- I have nothing but my word against his. If an investigation would even be started (for example, because someone else reported him as well), it would be very hard to prove. And his lawyer would try to make me look as badly as possible, in order to defend his client.
- If there would ever be a case and he'd win, he would officially have gotten away with it.
- He might come after me and threaten or even hurt me.


I just don't know what to do yet. I only have about two weeks to make a decision. I hope I'll eventually do the right thing, whatever that is.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I say good for you for so carefully thinking about your final choice. i think you have a lot of courage and I think that you have all bases covered it appears. Hugs.

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Snow, Big hugs!

Even if you decide to go no further, then the pigs cops have a basis to support and believe any other complaints that might come in about the perp.

If the perp is applying for a sensitive job that requires a pig police background check, although the official report might say "no convictions" (hey, you could say the same thing about both Tony B Liar and Barrack 0'bama - they're both men who critters that have no known convictions) - the pig cop is likely to say - "do not employ Cough, rapist, cough".

It's a shame that the only other show in town besides the pigs cops is a bunch of thugs who break legs

You have been incredibly brave and have used the least bad of the options available.

incidentally, if he's ever in to be questioned about similar things in the future. In the first interview, the pigs they'll let him do his denials and all of the excuses that he thinks will be water tight...

Then in the second interview, the pigs they'll bring his excuses up one by one and say, "but we know that..." and those contradictions will be brought up and highlighted in any trial, along with any confession that he blurts when he realises that the pigs cops knew far more than he thought they knew.

Huge hugs Snow:hug::hug::hug::hug:
___________________________
note to self;
need to stop calling pigs them pigs, most of the four legged pigs that I've known have been sweet natured and highly productive.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

@gizmo thank you for your support and hugs. Big hugs back to you :hug: :hug: :hug:

@Anarchy your post actually made me giggle a little bit. Thank you for that. Your mistrust and dislike of cops reminds me of one of my friends from high school, haha. I must say my distrust towards them grew greatly when they cancelled my first appointment with them because they were "too busy". I was afraid they would be the kind of cops to ask questions like "but what were you wearing?" and " well, what did you think was gonna happen when you went to his house?". Thankfully, they weren't like that at all.

I really hope you're right and that this will somehow get back at him. Right now he is a freaking PhD student without a care in the world, whereas I still struggle to get out of bed in the morning. It's only fair that he has to live with the consequences of what he did to me.

Thank you so much for your support and words of encouragement :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Last night I had trouble falling asleep because I was reliving being raped. Eventually I fell asleep clutching a teddy bear. That is not a normal thing for me, but it was what I needed at that moment.
Today I'll try to be a little productive. I want to clean up my home and do some studying, and go to the gym as well. Tomorrow I'm going to look at a potential new home. It's a bigger place in a slightly better neighborhood. I don't have a lot of money (in fact, I'm in a large debt. Thank you, student loans), but any upgrade from where I live now counts.

I've also been really wanting to adopt a dog. I don't know if it's a temporary thing that's just coming up because I'm lonely, but these past few months I have been looking at shelter dogs online. In the past weeks it has been an almost daily occurence.
I do have a dog already, but he lives with my parents. I would love to give a new home to a dog who's calm and a bit older. I would have someone to come home to and the dog would have a loving home.
The problem is that I do have trouble taking care of myself. Having a dog could be the extra push to go outside regularly and keep my home nice and tidy, to prevent him from chewing on things. But if I fall back into depression I would not be a good dog owner and I want to take very good care of my potential new pet. I believe every dog deserves lots of love and care.

It's probably just me being silly. In that case, I do hope this feeling passes, though.

Anyway, I have to work on an assignment for uni and I'm not looking forward to that. I hope I'll manage to get some work done.

 

[mary1979]

Sucks that you had to deal with knowing how close this wanker was to you. That must have been so hard and really really triggering.

But happy that it gave you the strength to think about proceeding, huge hugs xxx

Mostly just wanted to put it out there that all may not be as it seems with him, try to open your mind to these ideas.
1. You found him on a dating site so he isn't happily married off, either he's single and looking because every female knows he is a total peice of shit.
Or he is in a miserable relationship, or a cheating dog who's probably miserable himself.

2. He's studying. Trying to better himself maybe, but could easily be unemployed or unemployable because he is a total peice of shit.

3. People ALL lie on social media, very plausible its all a load of shit that this peice of shit is making his entire life up as he goes along to make himself look better to prospective victims.
In which case he thinks his real self Is a peice of shit.

All is not necessarily as it seems.

Could have some fun? Send his page contact to some here and let them play with his head for a change. (ok, jm half kidding, that's probably not the right thing to do but it feels really good to fantasize about him being stood up for fancy fake dates with women who dont exist, doesn't it? ;)

 

[Deleted member 19804]

@mary1979 thanks for your reply and your support! :)

You're right that he very well may be a lot worse off than he lets on. And I will continue to hope that's true.

However funny, sending out his info is probably not the best idea ;) Besides, he deserves much worse than just some people messing with his head. And he's not worth the trouble anyway. But I like the way you think, LOL.


Today was better than yesterday. I still have to get a lot of work done, but that's what you get when you procrastinate. I went to check out the apartment and it was absolutely amazing. Much bigger than my current place and the neighborhood was also a lot better. There's even room for a washing machine! That may not sound like very much, but my current house is tiny. My mom went with me and she was really enthousiastic as well. Unfortunately I'm not number one on the waiting list, so if the people above me accept the apartment I'll have to look elsewhere. Fingers crossed!

I had a good talk with my mom about what to do now that I've gone to the police. I've expressed to her that I am far from fully healed and she was really understanding. She recommended I talk to a therapist who will actually help me heal my soul, instead of " just" reprocessing the trauma. I like that idea, because I feel like it has done severe damage to the very core of who I am, and reprocessing-oriented therapy will not be enough to help me retrieve the real me.

Right now I should be studying, but ugh, it's so boring! And I really have to finish this assignment tonight. Time for coffee then, I guess :coffee:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Crossing my fingers and toes for you to get the apartment, it sounds so perfect for you.:hug:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

You're so sweet, @gizmo . Thank you :hug:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I finished the assignment about an hour before the deadline. I'm glad it's over, but I'll have to do another one in a week.

Right now I'm on my way to work. Feeling more stressed and scared than I have been since the police interview. Maybe it's a slower effect or something, I don't know.

I usually look forward to going into work, as my coworkers are really nice and fun people to be around. It's about as healthy a working environment as one could possibly wish for. And yet, I feel like I really cannot handle it right now. I just want to crawl into bed and hide, and look at funny dog videos online.

I've deleted the dating app on my phone, as I have realized that I really don't want a man in my life right now. I'm instead looking to maybe become a dog sitter once I move to a bigger apartment. I'd have the joy of taking care of a dog whilst not having the responsibility full time.
I'll know if I got the apartment tomorrow. Chances of that are pretty slim, but I'm still gonna keep my hopes up. I'll post it here when I get the news.