Naming and understanding multiple emotions

[Still Standing]

Shimmerz, thanks so much for sharing the Emotion Wheel. I have printed it off. Like others, I feel so much but find it very hard to specify exactly what I feel. This is going to really help. Great links.

 

[shimmerz]

Crashed into bed this afternoon around 5 pm. Getting ready for course tomorrow. Woke right around midnight.

Threatened --> Fearful

I feel like this often if I wake up in the middle of the night. I must be dreaming about it or something. I know what the threat is that I am jolting awake to.

 

[shimmerz]

Going to course today. 3 days this week. It was hard to get through 2 days last week.

I don't see trepidation on the wheel, but I am going to put that in the fearful category. I am worried that I will pass out in course.

trepidation --> insecure --> fearful

 

[MrMoonlight]

(I'm highlighting the emotion in the chart series that I was connecting with at the time)
I have two that I can identify right now.

Worried > Anxious > Fearful
Resentful > Let Down > Angry
My mom is having a friend (stranger to me) stay at the house a coupe nights and I'm not feelin' it.

 

[shimmerz]

This is particularly the times that I wanted to document because I feel like I am dropping due to whatever this is that I can't name somehow. Happened every night after course last week and 2 days on the weekend. I have been told I have conversion disorder, so I think I would like to see if I can pick apart what it is when I feel like I have to 'drop', which is how I am feeling again this evening.

I see a bunch of words that I could maybe (loosely) describe right now that all fall under the fearful category. Overwhelmed is the most resonant word I can find and I notice that overwhelmed is in both the fearful and bad category. I might be a little confused as well which is in the Surprised category.

Tonight it really isn't easy to tease this stuff apart. And I feel like I might feel overwhelmed because I have so many emotions floating around. Or maybe not emotions. Arrrrgggghhhhh!

I actually feel like I am reprocessing something. Something quite large, which makes sense given the challenges of my views about how I have done relationships vs the new understanding and directive of peer based. If I look at it like that, I could just be tired, which of course, I don't know how to identify, along with pain, hunger, hot, cold. *heavy sigh*

Okay. Settling on overwhelmed based on the fearful category and am going to add in there I am most likely tired and hungry based on how the day went.

 

[MrMoonlight]

@shimmerz do you happen to know how conversion disorder is looked at medically? I mean during my assessment w/ psychiatrist I lost my vision but that was the only time it happened. It's a worry of mine that extreme stress will bring it on again because the experience was so troubling.

Withdrawn/Numb > Distant > Angry

 

[shimmerz]

Hopeful --> Optimistic --> Happy
Maybe some inspired too but I think there is tired mixed in with that.

I am being pretty careful to think of this as neutrally as possible for reasons of my own. While I am typing in this thread, I think the idea is to try to identify so that my body.mind is being taught to recognize these things before they go swinging around. No idea if that makes sense to anyone else but me.

 

[shimmerz]

do you happen to know how conversion disorder is looked at medically?

Here in Ontario, conversion disorder isn't really 'looked at' medically. In my opinion that is because there are no drugs for it. It is all about learning about emotions, figuring out the blockage or conflict and why the emotion is unsafe to express. That usually falls in the psychologist realm, who aren't really considered 'real medical doctors' here.

I have more of an issue with my ears Mr. Moonlight rather than my eyes. I can go deaf and mute and catatonic. That is how it is expressed in me. I can notice my sight gets messed up when dissociating, but have never gone blind. My theory on conversion disorder, based on research, healers, therapists, (so hardly professional, just observational and experiential) is that it takes time to get to the conflict and find a pattern with emotions (which is why I have been keeping up this thread).

So right now I am looking at emotions with my therapist, with my peers, and friends.supporters. I no longer 'drop' into catatonia the way I used to so these things aren't affecting me dramatically somatically. But, I have to say that during class these past couple of weeks I was frustrated a ton. I am even going to go bitchy. That isn't like me at all and I wonder if perhaps my anger is starting to leak out and I just need to find a way of properly managing the energy that is coming out. The good thing is that it IS coming out.

Not sure if this helps at all @MrMoonlight . Happy to try again if this is clear as mud to you. ;)

 

[shimmerz]

I no longer 'drop' into catatonia the way I used to so these things aren't affecting me dramatically somatically.

What I am noticing though, is that my brain.body keeps trying to tell me to lie down before I drop. I think this is a learned behaviour because it was so damned dangerous to be walking along and then just 'dropping' and not being able to get up again. So there is some sort of 'feeling' I get when I have been 'up' too much that tells me to lie down. I think that is a phantom feeling though.

So I have been challenging this the past little bit. I have been pushing myself to keep going. I have been using props to keep my interest, like aromatherapy (making new concoctions), the cat, walking outside (although staying close to home). Whatever it is that I choose, it has to involve movement. It seems to be working. I am attempting to unlearn the protective behaviour in lying down before I drop.

So how this relates to this thread is that I believe I have a chronic underlying fear of dropping and that mixes in with whatever else is going on at the time. I may have felt happy along the way but that is mixed in with this chronic fear, so I have a really hard time doing anything but intellectualizing my happiness. So I ask -- if I am intellectualizing, am I REALLY happy?

So yes, right now I have determined that I have this underlying thought most times:

Exposed --> Threatened --> Fearful
that my body will betray me and put me into unsafe and perhaps life threatening positions as it used to.

I am just going to keep challenging that I think to try and unprogram myself. It was real at one time, this body giving up on me regularly and dramatically, but now I have learned how to manage. Best to put in the past (build a proper timeframe) for that emotion (I am going to call it impending doom).

 

[MrMoonlight]

It's so hard to tease my emotions out sometimes.

Right this moment:
content > happy
and to some level always
numb > distant > angry
scared > fearful

 

[Lionheart]

I have to agree that it is sometimes difficult to identify our emotions because we feel so many at one time that it gets hard to break it down. The emotion wheel helps a lot so thank you for posting it!!!

I'm Tired and Sleepy,:sleep:
Happy and Peaceful,:)
Lonely and Hurt,:inpain:
Optimistic and Hopeful.:tup::angelic::barefoot:

What a mix of emotions! They seem to conflict with one another. :confused:

Healing hugs to those that need them.
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:;s

Lion

 

[shimmerz]

I wake up with a particular set of trauma stories playing in my head. It isn't a kind and gentle wake up.

This morning I sat with it again. I keep trying to give it less and less real estate in my head, you know? I don't want to give this shit more than its due and I think its due is long since gone.

Frustrated.
Infuriated --> Annoyed --> Frustrated --> Angry is where it sits in the wheel.

I wouldn't have guessed that frustrated was a part of the angry category. Anger, to me seems to have much more power than I have in these situations. I find it really surprising that it sits beside annoyed and infuriated. Annoyed, to me, seems like a 'stuck' emotion while infuriated seems more like an action word.

Anger? This doesn't FEEL like anger. It feels like victimized/stuck/frozen. And every morning I wake up with the sense of this. A strong sense. And it feels like I am stuck in a loop that is going at warp speed that I can't get out of.

First time I have had a name to it though.