Need a name for this

[lynn T.]

I've tried explaining this to my therapist multiple times. I really, really need a name for this, because it is intense and the anxiety it is producing is even worse. And it leaves me wanting, desperately, to die. To just be gone from this world.

Whenever I am in a situation that either feels unfamiliar or in a situation/place/around people I know/am familiar with but are really uncomfortable, I get extremely anxious and...scared, I guess. It could even be something I wanted to do or someone I like/love.

Like, I was driving home tonight in the dark from a course I took. And I felt terrified. I stopped at my mom's and it got worse. I seem to be fine once I'm home. I can't pinpoint it; I don't think it's trauma related. I think it's just general anxiety/depression-related, but the worst thing is that, even when I haven't been suicidal for awhile, or just wanting to die, it all comes flooding back.

It's different from that feeling of jamais vu - I get seizures that manifest as that. This is different and I don't understand it.

Oh

Oh yes, had one of the same situations just last night driving and got lost but weather was awful blinding rain and I felt my chest tighten terribly. I think it's a lead up to a panic attack but doesn't quite get there because I have some faith I'll finally reach a big intersection and know where I am. You know, part of this is that unfamiliar place we mentally affix ourselves in and the helpless feeling of being all alone on a dark road (could be a huge building or anywhere else we get that signal of 'Im lost and afraid', etc. I think if you reframe the situation and pull over to some gas station and rest a bit that you can calm down and know there's help there if you need directions or just some clerk to talk to and get a snack, relax). You know logically that it's not the first time you've gotten fearful of being in unfamiliar territory so to speak. You have much more capability than you realize because you have survived up to this point. Try to put aside any stressors like stuff that arises from whatever you were doing before you get the car. Often, I get distracted just by what preceded my even getting in the car and then I am driving with too much anxiety.

 

[shimmerz]

For me it really helps when I have a word for this crazy making shit. I just realized a couple of weeks ago that one of those feelings was disorientation. But I think it wasn't just disorientation. It was overwhelmed, dissoriented, confused. So is there any chance that you may have the option of looking at an emotion wheel and just circle what emotions might be involved? Doesn't even have to be right, just a 'this emotion more than this one' thing.

I also have a crazy emotion that I call annihilation anxiety. I add anxiety to it because I have true physical sensations and movements that come with it. It can lead to a panic attack.

I wish you all the best in getting to the bottom of this.

 

[Cypress]

Is it always when you are traveling or in transition of some kind? I sometimes get this weird sort of feeling of disorientation and fear when I am traveling for work. Sounds ridiculous but for me it happens most when I am sitting in the airport lounge waiting for a flight and it sometimes happens if I am driving a long distance - like more than 2 hours - I have this sense of not existing, like a panic attack but it doesn't come on suddenly and pretty much lasts until the plane takes off or the trip is over. It seems to get triggered by this weird visual aura I have called "Alice in Wonderland" syndrome. Ask your neurologist about it. This aura happens with migraines and epilepsy too. Hope you manage to figure it out.

 

[whiteraven]

Is it always when you are traveling or in transition of some kind? I sometimes get this weird sort of feeling of disorientation and fear when I am traveling for work. Sounds ridiculous but for me it happens most when I am sitting in the airport lounge waiting for a flight and it sometimes happens if I am driving a long distance - like more than 2 hours - I have this sense of not existing, like a panic attack but it doesn't come on suddenly and pretty much lasts until the plane takes off or the trip is over.

Wow...so this is really interesting. What you describe here comes the closest to what I experience. Thinking about it, it
DOES happen most often when I'm traveling - can be a short or long distance with me. And the sense that I exist sort of apart from everything. A little like dissociation but, at the same time, not at all.

It seems to get triggered by this weird visual aura I have called "Alice in Wonderland" syndrome. Ask your neurologist about it. This aura happens with migraines and epilepsy too. Hope you manage to figure it out.

Also interesting that you should mention Alice in Wonderland. I have Alice in Wonderland syndrome, but had totally forgotten about it because it always manifested as a misperception in size - like people or objects appearing larger or smaller than they actually are.

I just did a bit of reading, though, and apparently there are a host of other symptoms. I have both migraine (and visual migraine) AND temporal lobe epilepsy, so maybe this is a manifestation of that. I had never even considered that it could be neurological, but I tend to have very odd and sometimes rare seizures, so...maybe?

Thank you for your response, @Dubiousraves. It's really given me something to think about!

 

[IceQueencop]

@whiteraven,
I’m not sure if what you’re experiencing is part of sensory distortions and anxiety, but you might try an essential oil diffuser to disrupt some of that.
I have had luck with the jewelry diffusers in interrupting some of that weird triggery stuff.

Best,
IQC

 

[Cypress]

Wow...so this is really interesting. What you describe here comes the closest to what I experience. Thinking about it, it
DOES happen most often when I'm traveling - can be a short or long distance with me. And the sense that I exist sort of apart from everything. A little like dissociation but, at the same time, not at all.



Also interesting that you should mention Alice in Wonderland. I have Alice in Wonderland syndrome, but had totally forgotten about it because it always manifested as a misperception in size - like people or objects appearing larger or smaller than they actually are.

I just did a bit of reading, though, and apparently there are a host of other symptoms. I have both migraine (and visual migraine) AND temporal lobe epilepsy, so maybe this is a manifestation of that. I had never even considered that it could be neurological, but I tend to have very odd and sometimes rare seizures, so...maybe?

Thank you for your response, @Dubiousraves. It's really given me something to think about!

Does something about your travel include migraine/seizure triggers? I noticed that lights and glare and general travel stress trigger it more. I also don't think its just anxiety because the feeling isn't associated with any particular thoughts, just this feeling of not being connected to reality and a strong feeling of apprehension, like there's an invisible barrier between me and the world and I feel alone. Once I made the connection to Alice in Wonderland, I decided it wasn't dangerous and now just tolerate it until it goes away. The symptoms build and then fade away slowly and I feel sleepy afterwards just I like I do with the visual migraines. I still try to do all the calming rituals I do for regular panic attacks and it helps a little.

 

[cravinbob]

To feel better when you get home after experiencing the feelings while away is commonly known as "agoraphobia". Could the answer be that simple? Sure. Do you know there are people who have suffered from it and had not left their homes in decades?!
If you have a regular daily schedule of going to work etc then keep it going, don't fall into the trap of episodes limiting you more and more.
Anxiety and panic disorders with all the extras are debilitating if you allow it. They do not go away on their own either so first step is to accept that you have it and that is who you are and you are not alone. You can function as well as anyone except you sometimes have anxiety or panic and need to rest for a few. Hiding it and fighting it does not help. Accept it and even sometimes when having an anxiety attack tell it to do its worst. Challenge it! Then wait for the worst. Trying to ignore anxiety is when it thrives.
If you go for longer periods without difficulty then having an attack can be extremely distressing and the cycle begins anew. Accept the attack, challenge it to do its worst, breathe in your nose and out your mouth slowly, let those around you and close to you that you have the condition and that many do as well. Tell them its not a mental illness if that is their reaction. It is a condition that highly intelligent people often have. It is not PTSD but similar. PTSD is just now being understood as an actual brain injury from the percussion of a explosion. Soldiers with it should begin to be recognized not as traumatized by seeing battle but be given The Purple Heart for battle injuries. It is just about proven but just needs an awareness campaign much like the NFL had to face and was forced to admit their responsibility for similar injuries, blows to the skull, they denied for years and years.