Need To Feel Something

[reddy4765]

I wonder what it is, this need to feel something. I used to ride my racing bike very fast in the middle of the night, and sometimes I listen to music very loud. I used to date random guys just for the thrill, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea anymore. I'm good at managing risk, so I don't do anything extremely stupid, and I can apply self-control when necessary, but I just enjoy it too much to excise it from my life completely. I am sick and tired of feeling bad, and I just want to feel good.

 

[franciemarnie]

I don't know why but I'm hearing The Doors when I read your post and Break On Through ( To the Other Side). Maybe like me once upon a time your primitive brain has kept you in shutdown mode from trauma a good part of your life and it becomes unbearable and you just want to do the extreme to break out if it.

There are ways and people here write about them. You've got to find a way to get back to feeling - the way you should have been able to feel if it hasn't been for the injury of trauma. It's got to be processed. The energy released.

Are you in therapy with someone who specializes in that?

 

[euca]

I have an issue with emotional numbness and I deliberately chase physical sensation as a counter. Maybe you do this too?

So I can't make friends very well, or feel happiness or sadness - can't cry. The only emotions I seem to feel are anger and fear (and self dislike). But controlled anger and fear are great. I rock-climb among other things and box and this expression helps me to understand and control the emotions by experiencing them in a good way. I'm not sure how to do this for other emotions but I do understand your statement of just needing to feel something. (in the past I used SI for this, not a good thing to do!). Do you exercise? It physically makes me feel my body and emotionally it does release hormones that make me feel 'less bad' if that makes sense.

 

[EverOnly358]

Reddy,

I used to drive like an absolute maniac as a teenager. Only looking back does it seem totally outrageous. At the time, it was nothing, no big deal, and I felt totally in control. But I know now that I was completely numb all the time back then. I think destructive behaviors stem from not dealing with PTSD, and a big part of dealing with PTSD is accepting the truth of what happened and taking care of yourself. Which is way easier said than done. And therapy, obviously. Are you in therapy?

I hope any of this helps,
D

 

[just keep swimming]

No experience of simple pleasures in life, the reason for the savage instinct??

 

[honestyTea]

I find it difficult sometimes, to FEEL things... I find it helps to try new sensations. I started hiking, mountain climbing... painting, writing & doing music. As you can see, I've tried A LOT of different things. The point is... sometimes you won't know if you like something unless you try it. Its as simple as that... you don't kn ow what will make you FEEL... unless you experience it. Even if it doesn't sound appealing to you... if its a healthy outlet, yu owe it to yourself to try.the worst that could happen is you pass some time & add a few new things to your bucket list.

 

[jbrowning]

Hi Reddy,

I chase the 'thrill' in order to stop thinking and feeling (bad). The thrill forces me to live in the now for that brief time. I spend so much time thinking about the past and the future that I have a very hard time living in the moment. The thrill sports and the very real physical risks pull me clearly back into the moment.

Does any of this ring true with you or do you see it differently?

 

[EverOnly358]

So yeah, maybe some healthy things would be getting more exercise, working on grounding yourself, try new and exciting things that aren't potentially destructive risks. I think you can find a different mindset, where you're focusing on feeling better and working on your PTSD, where taking care of yourself is the #1 priority. Changing your mindset can help move you towards better decisions. (Not that I actually know anything or actually take my own advice, so take this with a grain of salt, okay?)

D