So I have been trying to figure out how to set a boundary for my son asking his father for things and his Dad just showing up but I hadn't quite figured it out yet. On Thursday my son's father emails me to attack me over our son's requests for food two nights this week. I responded back that on one night he had eaten and refused the other food I made. The other night we had actually had been on the way to the store to buy food when my son did it. I pointed out our son was being picky and basically being a kid. I asked him not to bring food anymore and told him about how I was trying to encourage our son to eat healthier since he has expressed distress over his weight. His Dad's response was to question that he didn't eat the food HE brought him. I responded back that it doesn't matter what he refused. That he is doing it and we need to tell him no sometimes. I kept stressing that he is just being a kid so he doesn't take his anger out on our son. I said we just need to teach him better habits.
Anyway not sure why I thought he would honor my request but yes I heal that delusion until the next morning when I got his next email. He will bring our son food whenever he wants. He has no idea what goes on in my house. He makes claims that imply that I am causing our son's depression. Brings up the lady who recently lost custody of her son over vaccines to scare me. Oh and says he will be moving back to Colorado in a few years because he doesn't want our son's custody case transferred to Texas. He told me I need to get a lawyer in Colorado. That email ends and I get another on him attacking me about welfare. Then another where he say our son thinks his body is changing(puberty) and he says thanks for speeding it up. I have ruined our son's innocence for telling him about Santa at nearly ten years old. Attacks me over our son sharing a room with his younger brother even though my son doesn't like to sleep in the upstairs bedroom on his own. Says something about several CPS notifications.
At this point I sent an email back stating that his refusal to respect me is noted. I pointed out that 50/50 is not him threatening and verbally and psychologucally abusing me to get his way. That I don't know how to communicate with him of he refuses to listen to me. I pointed out that me taking our son to a hospital recently when he was talking about hurting himself was an emergency(He claims I needed tp wait until I saw him with a knife in his hand). I ended the email with requesting him show respect for my relationship with our son and pointed out that it is confusing to him when his Dad openly shows hostility towards me.
Hos response to me calling his behavior abusive was, "Are you kidding me?" There are five more emails after that. He claims again I needed to wait for our son to have a knife in his hand to consider it an emergency. He says my reign is over and I am going to have to pay him child support. Oh he says stuff about getting a job. Says he gave me a choice. Somewhere in all that craziness was something about the email and I though is he is threatening me on refusing to communicate with him any other way?
So when my son got home that afternoon he calls his Dad to get him for the weekend. I happen to overhear Dad tell him that he os keeping him until Tuesday. This is not something that was even brought up to me
until I hear his Dad say it on the phone. I was stunned and I said that Dad needed to email me about this because it worries me that he seems to think he doesn't need to even consult me about this. What if he just decides not to bring him home one day? Dad says email is not happening anymore. It's not working. I am quiet at this point because I am trying to figure out how the heck do I handle this? My son's Dad says something to him and my son says, "But mom hasn't answered yet." Dad says, " I don't care!" At this point I am like whatever to avoid a fight and his Dad showing even more outright disrespect to me to our son. Not that I believe he won't while he has him in his care but I didn't want to argue with his Dad in front of him. So now he has my son until Tuesday. Court order says he is two have two overnights a week and 8 one week visits a year. Court order also says we are supposed to work together which seems like a joke. I am nothing to this man but a target for his anger. He isn't going to work with me and if I push back he can make it worse for me and our son.
I need to go to the Domestic Violence Shelter this week. This is all spinning around in my head and I am scared of how far this man will go. I want to believe that he genuinely loves our son but right now it very much feels like he is a tool or a possession to him. I definitely do not think working with this man is possible. I feel like the court order is nothing more than a tool for him to continue his abuse of me. Tired and helpless right now and I don't know where to turn. I want to laugh at the absurdity of being accused of accelerating our son going through puberty but it's not so funny when I am this close to it.
Anyway I needed to put this down. Too often I start doubting myself and then things get mixed up in my head.
Anyway not sure why I thought he would honor my request but yes I heal that delusion until the next morning when I got his next email. He will bring our son food whenever he wants. He has no idea what goes on in my house. He makes claims that imply that I am causing our son's depression. Brings up the lady who recently lost custody of her son over vaccines to scare me. Oh and says he will be moving back to Colorado in a few years because he doesn't want our son's custody case transferred to Texas. He told me I need to get a lawyer in Colorado. That email ends and I get another on him attacking me about welfare. Then another where he say our son thinks his body is changing(puberty) and he says thanks for speeding it up. I have ruined our son's innocence for telling him about Santa at nearly ten years old. Attacks me over our son sharing a room with his younger brother even though my son doesn't like to sleep in the upstairs bedroom on his own. Says something about several CPS notifications.
At this point I sent an email back stating that his refusal to respect me is noted. I pointed out that 50/50 is not him threatening and verbally and psychologucally abusing me to get his way. That I don't know how to communicate with him of he refuses to listen to me. I pointed out that me taking our son to a hospital recently when he was talking about hurting himself was an emergency(He claims I needed tp wait until I saw him with a knife in his hand). I ended the email with requesting him show respect for my relationship with our son and pointed out that it is confusing to him when his Dad openly shows hostility towards me.
Hos response to me calling his behavior abusive was, "Are you kidding me?" There are five more emails after that. He claims again I needed to wait for our son to have a knife in his hand to consider it an emergency. He says my reign is over and I am going to have to pay him child support. Oh he says stuff about getting a job. Says he gave me a choice. Somewhere in all that craziness was something about the email and I though is he is threatening me on refusing to communicate with him any other way?
So when my son got home that afternoon he calls his Dad to get him for the weekend. I happen to overhear Dad tell him that he os keeping him until Tuesday. This is not something that was even brought up to me
until I hear his Dad say it on the phone. I was stunned and I said that Dad needed to email me about this because it worries me that he seems to think he doesn't need to even consult me about this. What if he just decides not to bring him home one day? Dad says email is not happening anymore. It's not working. I am quiet at this point because I am trying to figure out how the heck do I handle this? My son's Dad says something to him and my son says, "But mom hasn't answered yet." Dad says, " I don't care!" At this point I am like whatever to avoid a fight and his Dad showing even more outright disrespect to me to our son. Not that I believe he won't while he has him in his care but I didn't want to argue with his Dad in front of him. So now he has my son until Tuesday. Court order says he is two have two overnights a week and 8 one week visits a year. Court order also says we are supposed to work together which seems like a joke. I am nothing to this man but a target for his anger. He isn't going to work with me and if I push back he can make it worse for me and our son.
I need to go to the Domestic Violence Shelter this week. This is all spinning around in my head and I am scared of how far this man will go. I want to believe that he genuinely loves our son but right now it very much feels like he is a tool or a possession to him. I definitely do not think working with this man is possible. I feel like the court order is nothing more than a tool for him to continue his abuse of me. Tired and helpless right now and I don't know where to turn. I want to laugh at the absurdity of being accused of accelerating our son going through puberty but it's not so funny when I am this close to it.
Anyway I needed to put this down. Too often I start doubting myself and then things get mixed up in my head.
