Needing Stability And Structure

[Deleted member 541]

I have read a few diaries in which people have stated that they need structure and stability in order to be able to function without adding anxiety to the mix. I too, am very much this way, and wondered if it is a popular theme among sufferers.....

I need to plan things out ahead of time, so that I know exactly where/when/how my day is going to be played out. If something happen, or someone throws a cog in the wheel, then I find it very difficult to maneuver the change without causing anxiety, or me getting irritated and pissy because of it....

Yet, if something that was planned, gets canceled, and I am free of it, then I am usually a happy little camper and don't care much at all......this, I can't figure out at all.......

Anyone else want to chime in here with their thoughts and feelings????

 

[gdf]

You hit the nail on the head as far as I'm concerned She Cat. I am the queen of planning and crave a stable routine in my life. Since I can't control work and I have to earn a living, I like my home life to be predictable--hence no hubby, no dating, no kids, no joining every club or participating in numerous social events week in and week out. I love quiet and if a significant amount of my day doesn't offer time in the controlled part of my life to do school work, clean the house, etc. then I find my anxiety and irritation spiking.

Manage is a key word for me. I engage in life to the point where I can manage things and when it gets to the point where I feel I am beyond what's managable and chaos (beyond reason) begins to creep in then I start looking for things to eliminate to balance the scale. I can deal with about three major problems at any one time before I feel overwhelmed. When you throw in handling the medical stuff, the main trigger for me, that is when I melt down.

Gina

 

[Marlene]

Structure and stability are HUGE in my life. Without them, I can't function very well. Sometimes I think I'm very boring because I do a lot of the same things in the same way daily. But I remind myself of what it's like without having that structure and I could care less about boring. Safe kicks boring's ass every time.

gdf...manage is a good word. I'm finding that my life is a series of managing this disorder and living to the best of my ability. If I can't manage it, if it's just too much I don't even attempt to push myself at that moment. Maybe later I can ease into it, but I've learned that managing means picking the time and place of my battles.

Wendy I think that being happy (or at least not upset) about cancelled plans is because plans, by their nature, disrupt that structure we've built in our lives. They tend to be going outside of our safe, happy little comfort zones. Yeah, we can do them (and gird our loins before heading out), but falling back into the safe routine can make you feel like 'Whew...dodged that one'. At least that's my take on it.

Lisa

 

[cherryblossom]

I don't really have the time to reply to this properly right now, but I can certainly relate to this. Totally with you. I can't cope with things suddenly being thrown into the mix. Even nice things. Frequently a friend of mine will phone and we get chatting, then he'll say something like, if you're free now, come over for lunch. It totally throws me and I always make an excuse and decline. If it had been planned a few days ahead, I can cope. Equally, cancellations usually let me breathe a sigh of relief. It gives me the perfect excuse to stay at home in my comfort zone.

 

[Manic11]

A schedule has definitely helped with my anxiety. I didn't see how it would at first but it definitely helps calm me down. The only issue I have is that I was told 'go to bed at a certain time and wake up at a certain time'. Well... considering my high anxiety with going to sleep, getting to sleep can take hours. It's not uncommon for me to be up all night. That part is the hardest part but maybe it will get better with practice?

Manic

 

[gdf]

Hi Marlene,

I like the "picking your battles" phrase. That is a good chunk of wisdom. One piece of the PTSD puzzle I have learned fairly successfully (when I'm not in full panic mode, i.e.) is to stop and think about situations before I react. Or to try and anticipate situations; like you know the boss is going to ask for something or you read a memo and know something is going to change in the office so you strategize ahead of time...think of responses to questions that may arise and have them prepped. Of course, I drive people crazy with this pre-planning stuff and my co-workers tell me I'm OCD but it's a small price to pay for feeling some control. : )

Gina

 

[rjtransient]

I hadn't realized how much lack of structure was throwing me for a loop until I got back into a regular routine. I carry notebooks and an agenda everywhere. Sometimes when I'm too overwhelmed to deal with anything, all I can do is write out a list of relaxing routines to get back into. I'm beginning to think that low-key activities really aren't a bad thing. We need time out.

Cherryblossom and She Cat - I can relate to feeling relieved by cancellations. I find it especially difficult to deal with impulsive people. I have free time this afternoon, do I want to do something? Ack. Gotta give me some advance notice. Even then it's anybody's guess as to what kind of state I'll be in from day to day.

Funny, because I used to be "spontaneous" and flexible. Always ready to go to a movie or hang out whenever the phone rang. Now I've got solo hobbies and shelves upon shelves of gorgeous books.

 

[Marlene]

I find it especially difficult to deal with impulsive people. I have free time this afternoon, do I want to do something? Ack. Gotta give me some advance notice.

For many years now I've told my husband 'If you give me a week's notice, I'll be as spontaneous as you want!'

Lisa