Never giving up, can anyone relate?

[FMCA]

I have always had an unwavering beliefs about not giving up and I have behaviours which reflect that, like messaging people and not giving up when they ignore me or working myself into the ground to the point I have made myself seriously ill and nearly died. Yes extreme.

I realised the belief/behaviour comes from a childhood where I never gave up on my parents because they didn't notice me, glass child. I always carried on and was a people pleaser and was excessively independent.

The fear of not being noticed and being abandoned. Funny thing is I actually like being on my own but just not too much.

I now need to change my belief system from I never give up to I never give up unless its bad or wrong for me or for other people.

 

[KA60]

I am a codependent. People pleaser. Wore myself out. May 2014 seriously ill. On a vent. Went into.csrdiopulmomsry arrest. Ssying no having boundaries making rest health nutrition a priority is very important. Realizing I don't control everything and non intereferencd' not intervening in someone else's situation.is important. If we get involved in behaviors where we try to help others instead of ourselves negative behaviors in our selves and others can be re enforced..
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[FMCA]

@KA60 , I think I need to get my head around not trying to control everything. I find that hard x

 

[KA60]

@KA60 , I think I need to get my head around not trying to control everything. I find that hard x

I get that. I still struggle with this at times tol so I have to look at me then and determine what I am afraid of. Usually in my case it is related to this. My catastrophic illness resulted in cardiopulmonary aresst. I was coded. I got so sick partly from trying to help my first deceased husband who non compliant with all Healthcare. After my illness I got the point of following heslthcarr provider treatment plans. I am not perfect but what a difference it made. Of course when people in my life who tried to control me lost that ability I had to deal with them and me too.

 

[FMCA]

I watched Tim Fletcher on YouTube and he said too that if your only value has been in helping others that it’s not helpful to keep doing it which is the main reason I won’t go back to my old profession. Definitely something to avoid.

Makes me think of my dad who died young from a heart attack because he worked too hard.

 

[KA60]

I watch Tim Fletcher too. Also Teri Cole. They have both been very helpful for me ..

 

[Rose White]

A good thread. Yes I relate. Will maybe try to write more later.

 

[Rose White]

I never gave up on my parents because they didn't notice me,

This reminds me of a fantasy I am working on currently that I wish I could time travel and save my dad from his abusive dad. And this is repeated in my relationships where I want to save them from their childhood trauma.

My therapist asked me “What is the function of this fantasy?” And I can’t find a function yet.

Somehow not giving up on your parents means you won’t give up on yourself? But paradoxically you abandon yourself for others? Idk. I can’t yet get a hold on this.

 

[FMCA]

@Rose White , I think you are right, for me I think it’s not giving up on my parents. My parents didn’t have any time for me and I didn’t have a relationship with anyone in the house. So I left when I was too young.

I think I always tried to get my parents to notice me, probably why I send loads of messages to people sometimes even if they are nice messages.

 

[FMCA]

@KA60 , I feel like I was taken advantage of last week by someone who had put their own boundary in place last year not to talk to me, which is fine. But then let me over the course of a couple of days disclose more information about myself to show why I wasn’t well and I was getting more frustrated. It then dawned on me and I asked if she did not want to be my friend then why was she reading all about me , that it did not make sense. I was upset I’d been nasty because I was getting frustrated when actually, it was an invasion of privacy. She violated her own boundary to read about me. Caused a lot of emotional harm.

I suppose not giving up can lead to situations where it causes emotional harm in more ways than I had realized.

My new mantra is changed from I never give up to I only give up when it harms me or starts hurting other people.

 

[Freemartin]

Not giving up is so glorified in our western societies. As if it was a good idea in any given situation. Or a sign of strength of character. Or as if the Universe somehow rewarded people for trying and trying and trying and not adapting to reality.

If you refuse to give up, you can have your basic assumptions and beliefs intact. Someday I’ll perform like a person who hasn’t been traumatized for life. Someday my parents will love me. Someday I can make what’s done undone.

Giving up can open doors to a healthier mindset. And it can be a result of the mindset getting healthier. It’s painful as f*ck to admit that my dream can never come true because I never had the same opportunities (mental healt, for example). But I can stop flagellating myself for being a loser.

 

[FMCA]

@Freemartin, I love this. I’ve screenshotted it to keep rereading, Thankyou x