New And Just Found This Place - Crazy Parents (Literally)

[Pinky]

I was recently diagnosed with PTSD.
My problem stem from having crazy parents (literally). My mother was an untreated bi-polar drug addict is an undiagnosed person who believed the voice in his head was god. Though I suffered mostly neglect, I watched my brothers being physically abused quite often.
I manage to function for years with generalized anxiety, generic phobias, eating disorder, and nightmares until this year.
This year I suffered my fourth miscarriage in 4 years (while actively trying not to get pregnant) and suddenly my whole mental status exploded.
Now I'm irritable all the time, depressed, panicy, dissociated and I've started having flashbacks of almost every event in my life.
Now life is a daily struggle and no one really seems to understand. Everyone just thinks that since I was okay before, I can just snap out of this and get back to life.
No one understands that nothing (or anything) can set me off and then it's a struggle just to keep breathing.

I really need a place where people 'get it' and can help talk me through this.

 

[anni]

Hi Pinky,

Hi,

Yours is an interesting story to read because it is extraordinarily similar to someone I was just yesterday telling about this forum. She's a dear family member who also has crazy parents, an alcoholic mother, abusive father and who watched her own brothers be badly abused for all the years they were growing up. The symptoms are the same also, I think. Because I have been struggling with this rotten PTSD for so long I've suspected she had it and just had that conversation with her yesterday!

I hope she'll log in here and see your post. People like you and she have dealt with these traumas with such grace over the years that it's lovely to see you at least diagnosed. Being diagnosed is 'comforting' in that we know we're not crazy, we can forgive ourselves finally for what we can now recognize are symptoms of PTSD, and can start to relate the traumas with our triggers sometimes. That is only a partial list, of course.

Thank you for posting your story! I'm always rather inspired by the people who can come here and talk about theirs. I haven't actually been able to do that yet but at some point , because of this forum, I'll get to it.

Take care,

Anni

 

[Pinky]

Thanks for your kind words.
I don't feel anything near 'graceful' at the moment. :)

At first I denied my PTSD because I don't feel like I've been through a trauma. I didn't have to fight in a war and I never had to kill for survival. But slowly I am excepting it. I've been reading up on how serious neglect can be to a child's mind. Slowly realizing what I never got as a child...

I'm also just starting to accept that maybe psychological abuse fits into this too.

 

[Grama-Herc]

Pinky

Welcome! When I first found the forum I felt the same way about my problems not being so bad, compared to the people here who "really" had trauma.

The first thing I was told was that pain is pain, trauma is trauma no matter the source or reasons. PTSD can come from any/all sources nd some people, like me don't even know where it came from.

I know you will find lots of helpful info and some caring people here who do "GET IT"! !

Compassion for others is the best way to proceed along with reading. The info and input by others was the most helpful to me.

Join in at your own pace and like they say "Take what you need and leave the rest behind"

 

[Pinky]

I've been looking around and I've already found some great information.
Thanks.

 

[tryintobreathe]

Pinky,

Welcome to the forum. This is a great place with great people and lots of great information. I too was in denial at first about my diagnosis of PTSD, but once I started learning about it, it all made sense! It was actually a relief to know there was a reason for all of my insanity!

Jen

 

[Grainne]

I can echo what the others have said. The more info I learn, the more my entire world makes sense.

Welcome :) I hope you find much healing here.

Grainne

 

[anni]

Pinky,
I just had to respond again because again what you said sounded so familiar. I did not accept my PTSD diagnosis for a very long time for the same reasons. I had not quite literally been shot at in war. Also, although my traumas were just awful I could not get it out of my head that others had had worse traumas! It was as if I did not 'deserve' PTSD. Isn't THAT a typical shame/fear/worthlessness response in itself?

I ended up in the hospital with terrible, squeezing chest pains. It seemed unlikely it could be cardiac because I'd been an addicted runner, health food eater, healthy 45 year old at the time but there I was. I'm also the anti-thesis of a hypochondriac, ignoring all the aches, pains, colds and flus of life but these chest pains floored me! The various cardiologists ran the tests, talked to me quite a bit and then signed the discharge papers after 2 days. WELL! Although I did not think I'd 'given anything away', the diagnosis, written right on that paper, was 'PTSD'. I did find a fabulous therapist at that point because although I'd been diagnosed much earlier I just could not bring myself to 'allow' myself the PTSD. Boy did they have my number!

I think it does take a lot of grace for you to have joined and posted here. I just wished you to know there really are many of us struggling with exactly your issues. I heard somewhere that anything connected with childhood or one's own children can cause very deep seated PTSD.Part of my trauma involved the kidnapping of my baby. I wish I could site the source at this moment and will try to track it down.

"The more info I learn, the more my entire world makes sense". Grainne is exactly right. You'll see a lot of people like that here!

Take care,

Anni

 

[ebell83]

Chest Pains as a Symptom

I ended up in the hospital with terrible, squeezing chest pains...The various cardiologists ran the tests, talked to me quite a bit and then signed the discharge papers after 2 days. WELL! Although I did not think I'd 'given anything away', the diagnosis, written right on that paper, was 'PTSD'.

Can you elaborate on the chest pains? I have been in the hospital several times over the years, usually at times of unusally high stress, with horrible chest pains and difficulty breathing. I feel as if my lungs are being squeezed together and sharp pains prevent me from taking a full breath. I have had several diagnostics done, but no damage to my heart, etc. I have never had a therapist suggest the two may be related because I've never brought up the chest pains in sessions.

Liz

 

[anni]

Hi Liz,

Yes I'd be happy to elaborate. I'd had several events where it just plain felt like a large hand was squeezing my chest and back very very hard! I ignored them, of course, until one event lasted quite a few minutes, was much more intense than the others and scared me. That one did make me feel as if my lungs were being squeezed together, and I could not at all take a deep breath. I don't always get a sharp pain with them but sometimes do feel as if a knitting needle were being inserted into the middle of my chest. It never entered my mind that this could possibly be related to PTSD, and I'd never mentioned it to my therapist, either. When I reported the hospital stay and diagnosis to my therapist he nodded and smiled kindly ( like they do! ) and reinforced what the cardiologist said.

I'd hate to actually tell you that what you're experiencing is definitely the result of PTSD because of course I'm not a professional, but it sounds like what happened to me. Believe me, I was completely astonished at the realization that PTSD can also wreck this kind of havoc on us! When you ask your therapist about your symptoms I'd be very interested to hear what he/she has to say!

Hope this helps, and take care!

Anni