New and Newly Diagnosed - Childhood Traumas

[Acer]

Hi all...
I live in the Pacific Northwest. I am married with a couple of dogs and a couple of cats, in grad school, and discovered a severe lack of ability to retain anything that I have been reading. I always knew I couldn't remember facts/figures/numbers/characters in books or movies/even stories of books or movies. But in grad school I just couldn't chance it. I went into class having read and re read the material, for hours daily, to discover I had no idea what everyone was talking about. I panicked. I thought I might have ADHD without hyperactivity (similar symptoms of fatigue, memory loss, irritability). I took meds for that but they didn't work, so the psychiatrist thinks it is PTSD.

I experienced years of childhood sexual abuse from multiple perpetrators, both family and acquaintances. I also witnessed domestic violence and was a victim of emotional/verbal/neglect abuse from my mother. As an adult, I experienced a couple of abusive relationships (in my early 20's) and thought I was over being a victim. I then married an emotional abuser. I got out of that 3 years ago, and it was at that time that I became completly immobile. I couldn't work to save my life and got fired. Now I realize (I think) that the immobilization was PTSD.

Now, I am newly married, with a wonderful home life and in school, but I feel like a sloth. Daily things (like eating or washing the dishes) seems beyond my capability more often than not. I am not 'depressed' nor having panic attacks (I have had about two in my life) but I do live with a lot of fear that my sweetie will lie to me or that he is all the time. There are days I am absolutely 100% sure that he has me in his heart at all times, and has my best interest. But then I get consumed by fear. There is no trust. I can't believe a word he says. I can't remember what I read, I am tired, immobile, and feel like a lump, which creates a lot of self guilt.

Can PTSD be triggered? Does it come and go? I was briefly diagnosed in my early twenties (couldn't sleep, night terrors) but we addressed it and I thought it went away. I no longer have sleep issues or night terrors. All this other stuff seems so complicated and deep.

Does a person ever get over PTSD. Does the hippocampus ever grow back and become 'normal'?

Thanks for any info, and for this place.

Acer

 

[anthony]

Welcome to the forum Acer, glad to have you here. PTSD does not come and go, it is actually an incurable illness. PTSD can be capped, it can retreat for years awaiting to be unleashed, ie. drinking and smoking will typically cap it, though at some point something will happen where no return occurs, and nothing you attempt will cap it any longer. To live with PTSD is to firstly heal what we fear most, our trauma; then to learn how to manage PTSD within our present days.

 

[nie]

Welcome to the forum Acer. Look around and I think you will find a plethora of great information.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[vee_dog]

Welcome Acer. You'll find people here that share much of the same feelings and are a great help to each other. Find a therapist who knows about and can treat PTSD.

 

[Acer]

Thanks Anthony. I am confused about PTSD being incurable. I have read that neurons in the hippocampus do regrow. To me that sounds curable. As far as facing my traumas go, I have been my whole adult life, that is why I am even more confused. What I read on here makes it seem like people that suffer from PTSD don't face their traumas, as if it is a blaming of the trauma sufferer. I have always faced them, or so I thought. Anyway, thanks for the info.

 

[Acer]

Oh and thanks nie, She Cat and vee_dog. BTW vee_dog, it was a psychologist then a pyschiatrist that I have been seeing that suspected PTSD (my primary doc sent me there because I thought I had ADHD). They are Navy docs, pretty well versed on PTSD, and I like them a lot.

 

[klmn]

Hi Acer,

I, too, am having a lot of trouble with memory, word retrieval, concentration, and so forth. Things which until the last few years were strengths. My psychiatrist keeps assuring me that it is the ptsd that is causing it. He also assures me that these things are not permanent, that the ptsd (and its evil companions: sleep deprivation, stress, depression) is interfering with my cognitive functioning but also says all those cognitive functions will come back. They are not gone, our brains just can't handle it all at once. But, as we work through our issues, we'll find that our brains start working like normal again.

 

[AmazonBelle]

Hi Acer, and welcome.

When I became unable to work as a nurse, it was because of the difficulty I had concentrating and the panic I felt because I was having such a hard time retrieving information. I was also having a real hard time being around other people.

I have read and heard from several sources that PTSD is incurable. I now adjust my life to help manage the symptoms.

At some points in my therapy, mainly while hospitalized (for safety), I have gone back and dealt with my original traumas. Then I take a break for a while. It's a process.

I hope you find something that will help you along the way.