I will try to make this short but I feel like a lot of the details are necessary..
Me and my boyfriend stared getting to know each other in January. We've continued to grow closer since then. We have a great time together. I am attracted to him on so many levels and I feel like he feels the same way about me. We have the same sense of humor and constantly laugh when we are together. He is 31 and I'm 23, and we are both in school.
He is recently divorced. He and his ex wife didn't live together during the end of their marriage because their jobs were in different cities. He doesn't speak badly about her which I truly respect, and says that his time in Iraq changed him. He is honest about his PTSD and that he shut down emotionally when he got back. He also had night terrors, and there was an incident where he pushed her in her sleep (they were living together at this point but started sleeping in different rooms). They grew apart and fell out of love over the course of several years. I am not concerned with his feelings for her or their relationship, but I am concerned with what PTSD can do to ours. He has been to therapy since they've separated
I have only obviously witnessed his PTSD twice. Once was on the anniversary of the death of a friend in his unit. (He was present on the mission.) He was having a nightmare. I woke him up but I don't think he realized that he was having the nightmare. The second time was recently. We were out at a music festival and he was telling me a story about Iraq. It didn't begin as a particularly bad story, but then started to turn to bad memories. He didn't necessarily zone out, although he might have for a couple seconds before I got his attention, but he just got really sad and talked to me about how guilty he felt. He opened up to me about some specific things that happened there, and admitted that it was hard for him to open up. He also told me that he kept pictures from Iraq that "would give me nightmares." This upset me. I don't understand it, but I know I know that I can't. He says that he keeps them to keep the memories of his friends with him as a way to respect them. Even if he never looks at them. When he saw how much it upset me, he eventually offered to get rid of them if it made me uncomfortable. I know that its not my place to ask him to do this, so I didn't.
He talked to a therapist all of last semester (before we were together). He says that it didn't help, but has admitted that his symptoms have gotten better over time. He also seems optimistic about moving forward with these memories, and feels like they will continue to get better, but is no longer going to therapy, which also upsets me. I know that these symptoms may never go away. Generally, I don't see it bothering him very often. As far as everything I've read on the internet, he may drink a beer at night before bed, but no obsessive drinking. He pulls all nighters for school, but sleeps as much as the average college student. Overall, I don't think he is depressed. We laugh together 96% of the time that we spend together.
He doesn't want to go back to therapy but told me he would if it made me feel better. I want him to, but not if it means that he's going to have to bring these memories up more than necessary.
What should I do?
Sorry if this is way too detailed, I'm just new to this and trying to sort through what to think.
Me and my boyfriend stared getting to know each other in January. We've continued to grow closer since then. We have a great time together. I am attracted to him on so many levels and I feel like he feels the same way about me. We have the same sense of humor and constantly laugh when we are together. He is 31 and I'm 23, and we are both in school.
He is recently divorced. He and his ex wife didn't live together during the end of their marriage because their jobs were in different cities. He doesn't speak badly about her which I truly respect, and says that his time in Iraq changed him. He is honest about his PTSD and that he shut down emotionally when he got back. He also had night terrors, and there was an incident where he pushed her in her sleep (they were living together at this point but started sleeping in different rooms). They grew apart and fell out of love over the course of several years. I am not concerned with his feelings for her or their relationship, but I am concerned with what PTSD can do to ours. He has been to therapy since they've separated
I have only obviously witnessed his PTSD twice. Once was on the anniversary of the death of a friend in his unit. (He was present on the mission.) He was having a nightmare. I woke him up but I don't think he realized that he was having the nightmare. The second time was recently. We were out at a music festival and he was telling me a story about Iraq. It didn't begin as a particularly bad story, but then started to turn to bad memories. He didn't necessarily zone out, although he might have for a couple seconds before I got his attention, but he just got really sad and talked to me about how guilty he felt. He opened up to me about some specific things that happened there, and admitted that it was hard for him to open up. He also told me that he kept pictures from Iraq that "would give me nightmares." This upset me. I don't understand it, but I know I know that I can't. He says that he keeps them to keep the memories of his friends with him as a way to respect them. Even if he never looks at them. When he saw how much it upset me, he eventually offered to get rid of them if it made me uncomfortable. I know that its not my place to ask him to do this, so I didn't.
He talked to a therapist all of last semester (before we were together). He says that it didn't help, but has admitted that his symptoms have gotten better over time. He also seems optimistic about moving forward with these memories, and feels like they will continue to get better, but is no longer going to therapy, which also upsets me. I know that these symptoms may never go away. Generally, I don't see it bothering him very often. As far as everything I've read on the internet, he may drink a beer at night before bed, but no obsessive drinking. He pulls all nighters for school, but sleeps as much as the average college student. Overall, I don't think he is depressed. We laugh together 96% of the time that we spend together.
He doesn't want to go back to therapy but told me he would if it made me feel better. I want him to, but not if it means that he's going to have to bring these memories up more than necessary.
What should I do?
Sorry if this is way too detailed, I'm just new to this and trying to sort through what to think.
