systemcelebration
New Here
Yikes.
Okay so as I'm recovering in 12 step programs for sex/love addiction and codependency, my trauma is coming up to bite me. Every time this happens it feels like even though I have so much support from my groups that I still am "too nuts" to call someone when I'm having a ptsd or psychotic episode. It's terrible, because my spouse continues to get the brunt of it all. They're the only one I've ever trusted and get this - after 5 years I STILL don't trust the commitment, keep trying to leave, keep fantasizing about "freedom," keep waiting for him to cheat or leave or die. This obsession is absolutely killer. It's always like this, and my ptsd, codependency and addictions completely feed off each other and I'm scared. I've had bipolar and borderline diagnoses from hospitalizations and counselors but after almost a decade of this crap I've narrowed it down to what I think/hope is the real deal: I have Complex ptsd and very addictive ways of coping, mostly in relationships. It's almost like I don't know which I should work on with priority, or if I should work concurrently with these issues. I just read the PTSD Cup explanation and that blew things up for me - my cup has been brimming and every day lately I experience an overflow. I'm just grateful to have found this site and hoping I can find some community and tools here, I'm so very desperate to recover and to not ruin my marriage/best friendship over these lies I tell myself.
Okay so as I'm recovering in 12 step programs for sex/love addiction and codependency, my trauma is coming up to bite me. Every time this happens it feels like even though I have so much support from my groups that I still am "too nuts" to call someone when I'm having a ptsd or psychotic episode. It's terrible, because my spouse continues to get the brunt of it all. They're the only one I've ever trusted and get this - after 5 years I STILL don't trust the commitment, keep trying to leave, keep fantasizing about "freedom," keep waiting for him to cheat or leave or die. This obsession is absolutely killer. It's always like this, and my ptsd, codependency and addictions completely feed off each other and I'm scared. I've had bipolar and borderline diagnoses from hospitalizations and counselors but after almost a decade of this crap I've narrowed it down to what I think/hope is the real deal: I have Complex ptsd and very addictive ways of coping, mostly in relationships. It's almost like I don't know which I should work on with priority, or if I should work concurrently with these issues. I just read the PTSD Cup explanation and that blew things up for me - my cup has been brimming and every day lately I experience an overflow. I'm just grateful to have found this site and hoping I can find some community and tools here, I'm so very desperate to recover and to not ruin my marriage/best friendship over these lies I tell myself.
