New Here, Glad I'm Not Alone.

[Cryptantha]

I chose the name Cryptantha because it means hidden flower, and is also part of the Latin name for a type of forget-me-nots. I live in Connecticut in the USA, and have suffered from PTSD for some time. I was abused from age 6 to 18, mostly verbal and mental, some physical, some sexual. It doesn't make me who I am, but I do suffer from it. I have Fibromyalgia and real trouble making and keeping friends. I feel isolated because of what I have been through. For hobbies: I love to read and learn foreign languages, and play WoW (which eats lives, but I'm not complaining).

I've been suffering severe depression, nightmares nearly every night, and just really could use people to talk to. My most recent therapist actually blamed me for all the abuse I suffered, saying I wasn't assertive enough. I almost died from her idiocy recently, the abuse was severe and certainly not the fault of a 6-year-old. It still doesn't make it any easier.

 

[JohnnyM53]

Hi Cryptantha,

Welcome to the Forum. I know this is a difficult time of year for many people, but you'll get lots of support from people on here. So that sense of feeling alone and isolated should get diminished some.

I can't imagine what possessed your therapist to say what she said but no one deserves abuse, let alone children. Being assertive is a skill we need to learn and some of us only learn that in adulthood, sometimes late in life.

Asserting ourselves, even as adults, in the wrong environment can actually result in even more serious abuse, leading to physical harm and worse.

I hope you are looking for a new therapist.

 

[Cryptantha]

I'm very afraid. I've had other issues with therapists as well. They break down and sob, which makes me feel bad and like it wasn't safe to talk and I end up comforting them and then never going again, or they try to involve themselves in my life outside of therapy, buying books for me and the like. I have had VERY bad luck for a long while with therapists and there is only one more place to try that is covered by my insurance. None of the therapists I've seen so far seems trained in how to handle PTSD or help me cope and improve.

 

[JohnnyM53]

Finding the right therapist or doctor can take a while. Yes, if you can be lucky enough to have one specializing in PTSD, that would be to your advantage. Don't give up. It's worth it once you find one.

 

[anni]

Hi C,

Yes I am SO happy to know you are wildly aware of how idiotic your therapists suggestion was. It's so exhausting dealing with the traumas, which were such betrayals in themselves, that to get blamed for them is beyond hurtful. I have frequently pointed others to one of the threads here from a month or so ago about dreadful therapists. It is amazing how many of us posted RIDICULOUS perspectives from people who are supposed to be professionals!! If you have the time and energy, it's worthwhile to browse because WOW will you get even more validation. It doesn't sound as if you need much on the point of how incorrect yours was, but sometimes reading how alone you are NOT is very, very comforting. This thread also includes posts from those who have eventually recovered with help from fine professionals so is not a big trigger to read.

It is a really nice place to come,here to the forum because you'll just plain see you're SO not alone. It's rather healing just knowing that. I found. I hope you have some peace here, and come back often.

Take care,

Anni

 

[Cryptantha]

Thank you both for replying, and I will try the last place I can around here. I also am reading the posts here, and it is a nice feeling. I hope everyone else feels as welcomed (it looks like it to me!).

 

[Jasmine]

Welcome :smile:

 

[tryintobreathe]

Cryptantha,

Welcome to the forum. I cannot believe a therapist would say something like that to you.:wall:..wait I CAN believe it...what I meant was that is unbelievable!!!! i'm so glad you joined our forum. This is such a great place and there are so many wonderful and caring people. I can get lost sometimes just reading posts. It is a comforting feeling to know there are other people out there who understand.

Jen

 

[Pixie]

Hi Cryptantha

I really like the name you have chosen. :smile:

I am with everyone else on the Therapist thing. No way would any therapist who knew what they were doing would accuse you of it being your fault. Not ever and not under any circumstance! Glad you saw right through it though...

Great to have you here with us.

Rell

 

[Cryptantha]

Unfortunately I didn't just see through it, almost died. Probably a good thing I got a second chance at life there. I almost wish I could bring myself to go legal on her, because if she does it to someone else, they might die, and I'd feel it was my fault. She was always on her high horse looking down at me in therapy, getting more and more aggressive with her opinions and drowning out my hesitant replies. Think she needed some therapy herself. She wasn't licensed, the insurance I'm on mostly sends you to interns getting hours with patients.

 

[Pixie]

Oh hun, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that you saw through it right away and I apologise as that is how it sounded. What I meant to say was that I am glad that you NOW see through it and yes, I am glad that you got a second chance too.

Rell

 

[Cryptantha]

Thanks Pixie, now I know what you mean. Part of how I read is a good dose of restless sleep (at least a week). Man, they should have screening for people who want to be therapists, perhaps a jerk-detector test, hehe. I'm glad I made it, because now I'm not as afraid to be more selective with therapists. This is good! Maybe if the next gets mean I can leave without shutting off emotions and not warning my boyfriend.