New Here - PTSD from Childhood

[livelysue]

Life is a struggle. I had been doing so good but the ex came over today and he upset me so much that I went out and got drunk. I so much wish we could get everything settled but he is still running from everything. He did the same thing when we were together. He says he wants to move on but he will not settle the debts. He expects me to settle everything. I am so frustrated.

 

[Deleted member 3]

Sue,

What is your ex coming over to visit for? If you are trying to heal your wounds it would almost be impossible if he keeps coming to visit to reopen them again. I feel for you. It sounds like you are trying to pick up the pieces and move on but he hasn't got to that point yet. I acknowledge that it must be hard on him too but your healing has to start with you. He created his own situation and if it is not to his liking then he is the only one that can fix that. It is hardest for women I think, as we tend because of our nature to want to help people.

As for not settling the debts.........why would he? It is one way of tying you to him and holding you back from healing. If he was keen to heal himself and 'move on' then he would get off his butt and do just that. Perhaps it frightens him to see you courageously battling on when he is just not willing to. What he is saying to you is at odds with his actions. Anyhow, is there a way of doing some sort of debt consolidation that makes him legally take responsibility for his part of the debts? Or would it be better for you to consolidate the debts pay out what you can and move on?

I am sorry to be so blunt but really blunt is the only thing that works with most people and PTSD.

 

[livelysue]

He came over to pick up somethings. I wanted to talk to him about a lot of things. I still love my husband. I know for most this is hard to understand as he had an affair and is living with this woman because I kicked him out. He and I are not at a place right now where we can talk to one another because we both have unresolved anger in our hearts. I went to my son's grave on Sunday and my mother in-law was there. We had a great talk about things and afterwards I felt alot better. I know I need to heal me before I can even look at my husband and I's relationship. I am going through EA's 12 step program and it has made me realize that I have a lot of amends to make to many people including my husband. I treated him unfairly and due to that treatement he turned to another woman. I cannot repair the damage until I repair me and that is going to take time.

Thanks, Kerrie
Take care.