Sufferer New Here, Trying To Find Out About Ptsd

[Iwantout]

Hi, yes another new one trying to find my way around. I was told in May that I have PTSD. I thought it was severe depression. I have got counselling but otherwise all this is just 4 letters to me.. I am trying to find out as much as I can and the more I read the more it all fits. And I thought I was just an awful person with something wrong in the head and had been trying to hide it for years..
The bad tempers, flashbacks, nightmares, refusal to talk about things, inability to remember parts... There are behaviours that I keep under wraps, or try to, I brush over things, laugh them off and make excuses. I brought up two kids alone so couldn't let them see what was going on in my head, it has been a struggle, dealing with, what I thought were separate issues when all along it is one thing...
I'm angry that no one helped when I called out as a child and again as a young adult. I was accused of attention seeking or just dis-believed. When I left home, my inexperience put me in more danger which added to the effects of a list of trauma already simmering inside.
So, here I am, hoping to find support and lend a hand to others here..

 

[WillyKat]

First, welcome to the forum!

It's fairly common to think of PTSD as severe depression. I know I did, and it is one of the symptoms of PTSD. So you lots of company there.

You'll hear it a lot and eventually you'll begin to really feel it. PTSD is about something that happened to you, not who or what you are.

Many of us, myself included, showed signs at young ages that nobody could understand. Many of us have been disbelieved, etc. Then the anger. I've been thinking a lot about anger. That child's anger is about fear and a sense of betrayal. Those that should have been there for us were not. We then carry that anger with us, just beneath the surface, for the rest of our lives. And it comes out in ways that aren't healthy.

I'm really glad you mentioned helping others here. It's really a great way to heal yourself. The more you help others, the more of your own words bounce back in your ears and seem like they came from someone else. It's a great thing. d

 

[MB810]

Hi Tawny,
I too am new here, but it is my husband who has the PTSD. Working at trying to get through each day can be difficult. I see what my husband goes through almost every day. He is angry a lot, we basically only do what he likes to do. He hates when I drive 4 hours to see my son and family honestly I think he wishes I would see them once a year and he would be happy. i try to encourage him to do things even if it is two things a day. He usually doesn't take my advice. I'm glad you found this site as I think alone anything is more difficult to deal with. So to be around people who can relate either from personal or secondary standpoint will be comforting. You must be a strong women if you kept your pain away from your children. That isn't easy to do for sure, I hope you find some peace of mind here.

 

[Iwantout]

First, welcome to the forum!

It's fairly common to think of PTSD as severe depression. I know I did,...

Thanks. If I make mistakes here, I'll apologize now, still finding my way around..
I had worked in a complementary therapy center for 10 years so helping others to help themselves became second nature to me.. Working on the belief that it was depression, I have been as proactive as I can be where health, both physical and mental, is concerned.. I had already battled the effects of some awful times. Being a single mum just made me more determined to do things right..
Last year my partner of 13 years died suddenly, I made the mistake of going to see him in the funeral directors, which along with the grief of losing him, set off another past trauma.. Then, the day after seeing the GP in May, my son and I had a car accident.. I truly thought we were both going to die..

 

[hodge]

Welcome, Tawny. I'm glad you found us, but sorry you had to. I had delayed-onset PTSD that started about 13 years ago, estimating. I just started seeing a new therapist who reassessed my diagnosis and told me major depression symptoms are now included in the PTSD diagnosis, which makes perfect sense. I used to be diagnosed PTSD and MDD. Now I gather it's just PTSD.

I am so sorry for your loss. I am grateful you and your son survived that accident.

 

[Iwantout]

Hi Tawny,
I too am new here, but it is my husband who has the PTSD. Working at trying to get through eac...

MB810..
Sorry to hear that about your husband, and you for that matter, it must be quite a strain on you.. I know I found relationships hard, I never thought I was worth anything and seemed to go for partners that looking back, didn't really deserve me.. One was violent, the other a philanderer and compulsive liar but the last partner was my rock.. He had an understanding of my ways and behaviour.. But I still felt like I couldn't trust him and would go into defense mode if he so much as raised his voice or got angry with something that didn't even involve me.. If he tried telling me what to do, I never saw it as advise, just criticism..
I did feel safe most of the time with him though which led to me feeling very insecure when he wasn't around. He never lived with me so that was a lot...
Has your husband been for therapy or does he have a support network apart from you?
I hope something can be worked out for you both..

 

[Iwantout]

Welcome, Tawny. I'm glad you found us, but sorry you had to. I had delayed-onset PTSD that started about...

Thank you hodge.. Yes, I'm glad I stumbled onto this site.. I hope the new therapist is a great help to you.. My experiences go back 47 years but not sure when symptoms really started to appear, I know it was during childhood but I was also bullied a lot so my head was a mess even then..
Thank you for your thoughts, it's so nice of you..

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome to the forum! :hug:

 

[Iwantout]

i now it looks silly but it work for me. this my advice

go to some poor place. just watch them for 1-2 ho...

@iman We all know there are worse than us out there but it doesn't take away what has happened in our lives or the hurt and anxiety etc we feel.. Also, many of us don't even know why others are here or what their stories are...
Coming from the lowest of the low that UK has.. I have lived in the poorest places here, including the streets..

 

[WillyKat]

I'm glad you found us and glad you've taken steps to care for yourself. You're a healer, and now you are the one needing some healing. That's ok, be like the sponge and soak it all up. That's what we're here for.

 

[Chelsie]

First, welcome to the forum!

It's fairly common to think of PTSD as severe depression. I know I did,...

This is all so very true! Very well said as well! Too many times people threw red flags out there that there was something going on with me. Nobody did anything about it. They would ask but I had been threatened and couldn't tell anyone anything. I held it in until I was 18 and it started at age 3. I became self destructive at 10 and even worse at 13.

Hang in there. I keep believing we will all get through this one day and find some sort of normalcy in our lives. I also hid my PTSD from my children until they were grown. In fact they are now 27 and 23 and I just recently told them that I had been diagnosed. I'm now 48. I've held a lot in for a very long time.

I had one last trigger that set me into a spiral and I reached out for help and just recently found this forum! Love to all and best wishes and big (hugs).

 

[Bloomy]

Welcome to the forum. Can reckognice what you write.