Childhood New member, need to talk to someone. Childhood sexual abuse, body memories, feeling disgusted

[Needtotalk]

It’s just hard dealing with this on my own and I can’t talk to anyone in my life about this. So I came here. I still live with the person who abused me when I was a child. There are different reasons that I can’t move out. I have a little brother that I can’t leave and can’t work because of health issues. My body memories got really bad and really often about 2 years ago. I keep feeling it happen to me. I get the memories every day. I feel so disgusted and I’m just so sick of everything. I already had this terrible thing happen to me when I was a child and it’s so unfair that I have to live through the experience over and over because of the body memories

 

[Kubash16]

I also live in a similar situation right now. :hug: are you in therapy?

 

[XXbabydollXX]

Hello love I was sexually and emotionally abused as a child and I was forced to visit with him (he doesn’t get to be called a father he is only a sperm donor to me) from I believe 9 to 16 then I was able to get away. I was able due to the court to leave because I was close to adulthood. I had body memories and flashbacks aswell. I would always be willing to talk with you.

 

[TraumaMama]

Hi, I’m new here too. I also suffer from sexual abuse. My grandfather abused me, repeatedly. I’m 31 years old, and I’m still afraid of men. Needtotalk, I’m sorry for the situation you’re in.

 

[XXbabydollXX]

Hi, I’m new here too. I also suffer from sexual abuse. My grandfather abused me, repeatedly. I’m 31 years old, and I’m still afraid of men. Needtotalk, I’m sorry for the situation you’re in.

I just have a lingering feeling in the back of my mind thinking a guy would try to grope me if they walk behind me. So I always move away when I’m in a tight corner where any guy has to pass by me. Am I crazy?

 

[Friday]

The good news is that Flashbacks (body memories) can be helped with trauma therapy. Helped to the point of not having them anymore at all, or having them very rarely.

The bad news is that living with your abuser in undoubtedly triggering these flashbacks, so even with trauma therapy there’s probably going to be a limit as to how successful it can be until you (& your brother) can live elsewhere.

If you can’t work right now, perhaps you & your therapist can start working on other options? Finding resources, applying for disability, assisted living programs, etc.?

 

[TraumaMama]

I just have a lingering feeling in the back of my mind thinking a guy would try to grope me if they walk behind me. So I always move away when I’m in a tight corner where any guy has to pass by me. Am I crazy?

No, I definitely don’t think you sound crazy.

My grandfather did such a number on me. I’m incredibly afraid of men. I view them as violent, aggressive beings. I don’t think our fears make us sound crazy, but I also don’t think we have the most realistic view of men. I know that if I was more aligned with reality, my fear of men wouldn’t be so big. Hopefully that response makes sense.

I’m trying to get to the point where I view men similarly to the way I view myself. I know I wouldn’t want to sexually abuse someone or be violent with them. I know in actuality, most men aren’t like my grandfather, but it’s hard for my mind to accept that.

 

[somerandomguy]

Being wary of the gender that abused you is incredibly common in sexual abuse survivors - probably more common than not. I'm a man and my abuser was a woman, and it's often hard for me to be around strange women - I'm afraid they're going to rape and kill me. I know they're not, but my PTSD says they might. So it's very normal for people like us.

 

[nathealedyet]

I’m so sorry. I too had to live with my abuser for years and it was horrible for my ptsd and flashbacks that go along with it a lot of the time. I hope you can find a way for you and your brother to move out. Sending you hugs.

 

[nathealedyet]

Oh and what you’re describing is what I’ve always referred to as “sense memory” I believe. If I am even brushed up against it triggers a flashback sometimes. They come and go. My heart breaks for you and everyone who has to endure this. It’s so unfair that many abusers get away with these disgusting crimes but remember that it is NOT your fault. I’m sure you know this already but just in case. Also, healthy boundaries are so important. Right now my mom is way too close for comfort (she allowed men to assault me as a child). She lives only a few minutes away and refuses to respect my boundaries. Her sick husband molested one of my children & CPS didn’t do anything because “there’s no physical evidence” they said. Something needs to be done to prevent this. I blame myself for ever allowing her & her (5th) husband to get close to my children. I thought she had changed. Anyhow, I can relate to this and just hurt for you because I know how difficult this is. Hang in there and join a support group & therapy if you haven’t. That can help as well.