stormyweather457
New Here
Hi, I've been lurking here for a month or so, but finally decided to sign up and introduce myself.
I've been dating a vet with PTSD for several months now. It cropped up fairly early in our relationship through night terrors, but I've watched it begin to affect his waking hours more and more, little by little. I get the sense that it is cyclical for him (maybe it is for everyone?)
For the last few weeks he's been on a downturn - some serious family drama, an ill parent, full time school and full time work seems to have filled his "stress cup," as the metaphor goes, and he's isolating whenever he isn't taking care of the things that he absolutely MUST take care of. Some of this he does on purpose: fill your time as much as possible and it's just a form of avoidance. But the rest has become too much. He checks in every few days, but I've only seen him maybe 2-3 times in the past month or so.
I think the roughest part for me (of course, nothing to compare it to yet) is that this relationship is still so new. I'm more than willing to be patient, but it's difficult when I'm not 100% guaranteed that he won't ghost me eventually. Yet solving that problem is currently at a standstill. He is nervous about committing to a relationship, largely because of the PTSD and the beliefs that often come with that: difficulty seeing a future, no understanding of his self-worth, and fear that he can't offer me what he believes would be fair. Essentially, that he's "too broken." I don't know if there's any reassurance for that. I may just have to accept that it's a big risk with a big payoff (the payoff being him. he's amazing.) Of course, I know that committing doesn't necessarily mean he won't leave or ghost. But it acknowledges a mutual foundation of trust and security that, for me, is essential to quelling my personal fears. It also helps me understand what is allowed and what is expected of me.
I've been reading some books on PTSD and threads in this forum, and working on my own issues (insecurity mostly.) If we end up a "failed relationship," I don't want it to be because of something I did or something I didn't do.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
I've been dating a vet with PTSD for several months now. It cropped up fairly early in our relationship through night terrors, but I've watched it begin to affect his waking hours more and more, little by little. I get the sense that it is cyclical for him (maybe it is for everyone?)
For the last few weeks he's been on a downturn - some serious family drama, an ill parent, full time school and full time work seems to have filled his "stress cup," as the metaphor goes, and he's isolating whenever he isn't taking care of the things that he absolutely MUST take care of. Some of this he does on purpose: fill your time as much as possible and it's just a form of avoidance. But the rest has become too much. He checks in every few days, but I've only seen him maybe 2-3 times in the past month or so.
I think the roughest part for me (of course, nothing to compare it to yet) is that this relationship is still so new. I'm more than willing to be patient, but it's difficult when I'm not 100% guaranteed that he won't ghost me eventually. Yet solving that problem is currently at a standstill. He is nervous about committing to a relationship, largely because of the PTSD and the beliefs that often come with that: difficulty seeing a future, no understanding of his self-worth, and fear that he can't offer me what he believes would be fair. Essentially, that he's "too broken." I don't know if there's any reassurance for that. I may just have to accept that it's a big risk with a big payoff (the payoff being him. he's amazing.) Of course, I know that committing doesn't necessarily mean he won't leave or ghost. But it acknowledges a mutual foundation of trust and security that, for me, is essential to quelling my personal fears. It also helps me understand what is allowed and what is expected of me.
I've been reading some books on PTSD and threads in this forum, and working on my own issues (insecurity mostly.) If we end up a "failed relationship," I don't want it to be because of something I did or something I didn't do.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
