Sufferer New revelation about stress, wanted to say it to someone.

[Anne Oakley]

Thank you to all the other members for your posts. I am fairly far along in my recovery and did not have the courage that many here do when I was first diagnosed.

I have never sought a support group before. I was diagnosed with PTSD in my early twenties. I have been seeing a great therapist for nearly 15 years and have developed good coping mechanisms for my triggers. My PTSD stems from a mentally ill parent and an emotionally/physically abusive relationship. My life choices are no longer controlled by my PTSD either, but that took more work than the triggers (and a lot of failure).

I recently realized that I become stressed out about not being good enough because that could result in someone being angry with me. I am afraid of what they (anyone, colleague, friend, etc.) might do. I know logically that it is unlikely that they will say abusive things to me, or cause me harm, but my internal system doesn't know that. My desire to have close relationships causes me much conflict. Boundaries are so f-ing hard.

Everyone tells me that I am stressed out right now. I'm loosing my hair because I'm pushing myself to be perfect and then burn out and then procrastination. It's a surprising revelation to me to find that this perfection obsession and my fears of rejection and abuse are one in the same. Although it seems so obvious now. Thanks for reading, A. Oakley

 

[Marinna]

Thank you to all the other members for your posts. I am fairly far along in my recovery and did not...

Don't have the courage? Sheesh. 15 years of coping, learning and dealing with PTSD. Blimey. That IS pure courage. A very warm welcome. Xxx

 

[freebird]

Welcome to the forum @Anne Oakley! There are many souls here who have the same fears and hurt. Your are not alone, so sorry this happened to you. You have so much courage!

 

[littleoc]

Hello, welcome!

Boundaries ARE hard -- they take a lot of adjusting before you get them perfectly.

And... don't feel bad about being "late" or anything about reaching out on a forum like this. I joined this site YEARS before I was willing to post in it. Yet, you posted on your first day! And as others have said, you said you were far along in your recovery -- that is brave :)

 

[Anne Oakley]

Thanks for your warm welcomes @freebird and @Marianna. Ya'll gonna make me cry relief tears! Feels nice to speak to some people who might actually get it.

 

[somerandomguy]

I'm loosing my hair because I'm pushing myself to be perfect and then burn out and then procrastination. it's a surprising revelation to me to find that this perfection obsession and my fears of rejection and abuse are one in the

Wow. That's an incredible insight. I'm going to have to ponder that. Thanks for this.

And welcome to the forums!

 

[Swift]

Welcome!
Thanks for sharing that insight. Logic and PTSD-logic are different things, hey.
Thanks for your courage in posting.
It's encouraging to hear from someone who's 'pretty far along' in their recovery - it gives me hope that such a thing is possible.
(And I just joined here after 4-5 years of treatment, so I can relate to being late to the party. I haven't even posted an introduction yet, but I've met some great members here and had some good chats. I don't think I would have been able to handle it in the acute stages of my PTSD. I'm here at a time that's right for me).
Hope you find what you're looking for!

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

 

[Overcoming]

Welcome! Thank you for your courage and bravery.