New Therapist Soon, Fear Of Disbelief

[Beaglefan61]

New therapist soon. The one leaving still has some doubts about something that happened, the original event and my reaction to it, which itself was traumatic given my state of mind and some not so great influences.

I have to retell the whole story of something outrageously improbable and risk more disbelief. The amount of secondary trauma from being disbelieved is horrible. I didn't ask for something to happen in a way i would be disbelieved by everyone! I have lost many friends. Some maybe were not the best of influences and incited me against another, so for them gone that is one thing. The others who could not begin to empathize as they thought me only obsessive and carrying on madly who left that is a painful lost. Sadly, had the truth been known quickly after the precipitating event, things would not have spiraled out of control as it was disbelief that had me fall into ever worsening states.

I have been stuck in some very painful moments where the connection to others that would help me heal has been withheld as many simply do not believe. My life has been reduced to rubble. I have tried to understand why the person who could verify it will not, but for all my trying to understand it comes back to the same place. I am in position to where what happened will be believed by so few that the secondary trauma from disbelief is offsetting any attempts at healing. The more i go solo with feelings the more detached from others and less caring i get.

How do i tell another therapist about something so outrageously implausible? My psychiatric nurse is also leaving. I think she at least does believe me, even if my current therapist has doubts. New psych nurse. Lovely. At what point do i just hang it up and say all my efforts are wasted and i can not escape the effects of being stuck in time and the secondary trauma will have me retreat from all humanity? I know there are those who fear being disbelieve and i don't want to scare them with what i say and have them think it is not wise to talk. I have known cult survivors that went through surreal experiences that have been widely believed. There is a place for most people to be believed. For me, i withhold the details as i am not so far gone that i think i would be believed even here. How can i heal when secondary trauma from disbelief is as high as any therapeutic effect?

How do i recount something with a therapist that is not likely to be believed for actually happening when the secondary trauma of disbelief is as likely as any healing?

 

[ShodokanJenn]

I was raised in a cult from the age of three until the age of 12. Horrible, horrible things happened. Some of which I've written about in my trauma diary here, some of which I've never shared with a soul. The first T I saw for help as an adult, sort of believed me when I told him the bare bones of the "regular" abuse that happened at home during that time. I got so put off by the disbelief that I went to someone else. When she did EMDR and we started to uncover the cult stuff a little, she kept saying, "I can't believe that happened!" After that, I went into a total tail spin.

I found my current T six years ago. He's had a lot of work with trauma survivors (is the leading trauma T for quite a ways around my area). He's told me repeatedly that he believes me. We've talked about the fact that the memories, especially the early ones, probably aren't exact, and some may be a condensed version of more than one memory, and there may be some empty spots that my brain has filled in with something else. But he feels, and I have come to feel the same, that they are all originated from facts. I've got all the symptoms one would expect from that past, and I've got physical scars that perfectly match the memories. Even with all of that, I still feel terrified sometimes (more than I care to admit) that I won't be believed. By him, by the few others in my real life that I've shared any information with. My own mother says she doesn't believe a word of it. She was raised by these people, and she still doubts me. Her life is an absolute shambles. She's so damaged, and I understand why. So her disbelief, in my eyes, is a defense mechanism.

I'd encourage you to get to know this new T a while before you start diving into the cult stuff. Get a feel for if he/she is open enough to believe the horrors you went through. There really ARE people who would believe you, including me.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

ARE people who would believe you, including me.

And me :hug:

 

[Beaglefan61]

Thank you for the response. I am sorry for your experience and past being such that they are hard to logically believe. It is painful when what has happened has us shrug our shoulders saying "who gonna believe me on this?" I myself was not raised in a cult, but have supported several who were and know some of the stories. The type of pain you have gone through is approaching surreal, as in nobody would actually do that to another. That your therapist does believe you, good! That is crucial. There are others who know too well what you have been through and will understand. If much you can not believe yourself, please know it can happen with the right care and support.

For me what happened is simply hard to fathom and hard to believe logically. It takes a stretch spiritually to a place where few walk that far into spirit to understand some of the synchronicity involved, as some seems far less probable than winning the lottery. If i said to a stranger ' i won the lottery once' they would far more readily believe that than what happened and the circumstance in which it happened.

I can try to see how far into the waters my incoming therapist will go. It is community health care so i am not sure what options i have if disbelieved. A therapist who works with spiritual matters or some DEEPLY Jungian may be helpful.

A friend once said to me, coincidence is God's way of tapping you on the shoulder and getting your attention. Well my collar bone feels about broken from the "tapping". Albert Einstein said, “Synchronicity is God’s way of remaining anonymous.”

There is one event which much synchronicity led to on which i am being disbelieved. Yet more synchronicity has happened since then which is utterly unexplainable in anything other than spiritual terms. Does this mean the matter is not finished yet? I do not know. There is part that went in ways opposite of the original intent, which was concern for another.

Many will not believe in such matters in the first place and i know that is a complication. This has been lonely and the secondary trauma involved from disbelief has been such as it should have dismayed me by now. Yet i still walk. I do not know how. When is circumstance the stronger so that we are mastered and when is love or care for all that is right to win the stronger so that we become masters of circumstance and love? At times i wonder if the universe or God has overestimated me for my capacity.

I apologize for omitting details. That is for two reasons: 1) The details may turn some astray in disbelief which would only add more pain. 2) It would prefer to talk in a way that would not cause harm to the other

That latter issue has been tremendously stressful for me as i do absolutely need truth to be made known by one other at least to where a therapist would believe me, yet her need for healing is an issue that motivated me much in the first place. This has been totally maddening in knowing how to balance those needs.

Thank you for any understanding about belief and how important that is. I will play it by ear with the new therapist and hope hope hope that things will go in healing ways where i am actually believed for a sequence of events that is quite utterly beyond logical comprehension.

 

[Freedomfighter]

New therapist soon. The one leaving still has some doubts about something that happened, the origi...

You have to completely disconnect from people that dont believe, only concentrate on your healing.

Listening to all of these posts really explains how tough this career field is.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

I apologize for omitting details. ...two reasons: 1) The details may turn some astray in disbelief... 2) It would prefer to talk in a way that would not cause harm to the other

I can understand all you said. I've dealt with my own disbelief in what I remember because it's so far out. It took me many, many years to believe myself.

The second therapist I saw was the most damaging, going behind my back and telling my husband that I was telling her things which were so unbelievable. Here I trusted her until my husband told me what was going on behind closed doors. She crushed my trust in therapists for a long time. It took years to heal from her abuse and disbelief.

My next therapist believed me no matter what I said. He helped me heal from the former therapist's abuse of power and disbelief. I doubted myself more than anyone else did. As the years passed though, I learned to accept more of my memories. It wasn't until 2010 that I 100% believed what happened to me because then memories of ritual abuse and murders surfaced.

I developed a relationship with the therapist I saw the longest before I ever shared my memories with him. I was afraid of being rejected again.