Relationship New to Forum - PTSD Supporter

[QueenBlue22]

so, he is still not talking to me. feel asleep on the couch last night then went to bed. barely said 2 words to me since Sunday. Not responding to anything I ask or say.

Was asleep when I got to bed last night but I'm sure it will be my fault that we didn't have sex.

How long can one person keep this up? at this point I'm not even sure what exactly he is angry at.

I'm so sad. angry, lonely, panicked...

 

[Friday]

I'm sure it will be my fault that we didn't have sex.

I’d like to see Mr.Romantic convince someone to even go on a date, much less sleep with him, with these sweet lines dreadful, vindictive c*nt, you’re wearing the wrong panties... FFS. You don’t treat someone you want to have sex with, that way. Except he does.

I have combat PTSD. Sex is extremely important to me (in 11 years of marriage we had sex almost every day up until the last year when I refused to have sex at all; which is in the upper end of normal, because it did decrease by 4/5ths after a few years. The whole 5 times a day turns into once a day, once a day turns into once a week, once a week turns into once a month, thing.) <<< I have NEVER in my life used guilt and shame as seduction tools :sick: That’s just wrong. Unless debasement, degradation, & humiliation is your thing. But it ain’t my thing, so for me that’s a nonstarter right there.

He seems so right and justified in why he is angry - any defenses I put up, he pokes holes in and turns it around that I'm blaming him and i'm making it all about me

“Who are you going to believe? Me??? Or you own eyes?” <<< Something my exhusband actually. said. to. me. at. one. point. :rolleyes: He didn’t have me that twisted up, thank the stars, but the sheer volume of things I did believe? Could fill a small library. Because he believed it, or wanted me to, and even when I doubted him, I could still tell he believed it. (That’s the thing about pathological liars, when they believe wha they’re lying about? It reads as true. Which can be a serious mindf*ck. You heart wants to believe, and your head of 2 minds about it, so the minority vote loses out.)

What I’ve learned?

Just because HE believes it, or one worse, just WANTS me to believe it? Don’t make it true.

If you’ve got an eye for when someone is telling the truth? It can be a hard pill to swallow that. they. actually. believe. what you know to be untrue. Ensue argument. Where you try and “explain” the truth to them.I have come to believe? That anyone I have to convince I’m telling the truth, is not my friend. And anyone who tries to convince me I’m lying? Is the enemy.

 

[Rollercoaster4]

I feel you and your son going to counseling is the first step, but it is when you go and what mindset you have about the situation. You cannot "fix" this, but you have the power and control to give you and your son a safe home and safe life. I'm not one to speak in regards to my current situation, his behaviors towards me are not the best at times and me removing "its PTSD" out of my mindset is helping me see that I may be right back in an abusive situation.

I have been in similar shoes years back. I had to flee with small babies, nothing but the clothes on our backs and a few dollars. Luckily I had family support in another state (gave me a place to stay for a brief time and helped watch the kids while I worked multiple jobs and went through school), I was too prideful to ask for monetary help. The abuser followed and it was a nightmare but through alot of tears and alot of hard work and sacrifice we are safe and we escaped. I didnt love this person, he scared me and I felt trapped, but I mourned not being able to give my kids a family (at that time) my mindset was so dark and twisted (I was an abuse victim). The police didnt help, they told me to move to another state, they told me he would have to physically hurt me again in order to get protective order because threats are just words and I was too naive to have called the cops and reported the abuse in the past. I like my anonymity but what I can tell you, is I left because if I couldnt feel that I deserved better, I knew my children deserved better. They deserved to grow up good men and not be subjected to his wrath or be abusers themselves. I made it and I came out on top with kids that are straight up phenomenal and secure, my own home that is safe, and a kick butt career.

I can empathize with the unknown, the fear, what if I did this different, if we just tried this... truly in order to create change, he himself has to do that within himself before he can do that in the marriage or as a parent. May I ask, doesnt the current situation seem so convoluted and like an endless spider web that maybe taking a step back will give you a clear headspace and maybe then you will see it may be easier and safer to leave the situation because that is a lot of untangling of the web that you cant do alone to make something work that is causing you pain? You have the power within you to create a better life for you and your son. You deserve better.