New To Site. Lost All My Confidence. Don't Know What To Do Anymore.

[rachlca]

Hi everyone,

Found this site today so im hoping that someone might understand what im feeling like.

I was diagnosed with PTSD about a year ago. Apparently its due to being raped and abused as a child then marrying a total ****** that was really controlling. Just before i was diagnosed i told my husband i didn't love him anymore and found the courage to file for divorce. Everything from my past then just came flooding back - big style! Ive had 2 nervous breakdowns and tried committing suicide since then. Also my dad died suddenly just before Christmas and im missing him like mad. I have therapy for rape and abuse victims and the flashbacks i have are something that i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. The thing thats really upsetting me is that ive totally lost all self-esteem and feel really worthless. Im paranoid about people 'leaving' me and i feel really insecure about everything. I think that no-one really likes me and is just around cos they feel sorry for me. I dont want to feel like this anymore. Does anyone else gets these feelings and bursts into tears at the drop of a hat or is it just me? Please help me someone.

Rach x

 

[catjudo]

Welcome to the forum. Continue to read and take in as much information as you're able. You will see that you are not alone in your experiences and feelings. This is a great place for both information and support.

 

[Farine]

HI Rachica,

Welcome to the forum! It's not so much where you start --there is a path from where you are to where you want to be. You might call it faith because you can't see it right now. It's real. Hang in there. This past week has been 'science project' week.. but I'll be back to reading posts here. THere's a lot of great information here. I find that if I do some searching that many of my questions have already been touched on.

There is real community here too. I'm new too. I've been here.. what.. like a few weeks? I think you'll enjoy it!
Farine

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Im paranoid about people 'leaving' me and i feel really insecure about everything. I think that no-one really likes me and is just around cos they feel sorry for me. I dont want to feel like this anymore. Does anyone else gets these feelings and bursts into tears at the drop of a hat or is it just me? Please help me someone.

I could have written this myself. I have severe abandonment issues that interfere with everything, including my therapy.

 

[anni]

Hi,

Even being able to verbalize that you feel that whole 'noone really likes me' thing, along with the rest of it helps to start some sort of healing process. I'm not sure why, although some of the articles and things here have great explanations for how the process happens. You also don't want to feel like that anymore, ( you're in good company ) which helps get some energy moving in the right direction all by itself, too. We need help, though, and it's really postive of you to have gotten this far in asking for support. Perhaps you could take the next step and enlist the help of a professional?

Therapy really is a lovely thing to go do for yourself at this point, if it's possible in your life at the moment. Sometimes it's not, and I coudn't tell from reading your post so do not wish to frustrate you.

Whatever next step you are able to take, at least do know you're absolutely not alone. Given your resolve to now wish to not feel so awful any more, perhaps you're also a little more postive than you realize at the moment. Every little but helps!

Take care,

Anni

 

[zzzaaabbb]

The thing thats really upsetting me is that ive totally lost all self-esteem and feel really worthless. Im paranoid about people 'leaving' me and i feel really insecure about everything. I think that no-one really likes me and is just around cos they feel sorry for me. I dont want to feel like this anymore. Does anyone else gets these feelings and bursts into tears at the drop of a hat or is it just me?

Rach x

I absolutely could have written that myself. I have the lowest self esteem ever and there is no reason for it. My therapist and I try to build it up but it is so hard, I totally understand. I am afraid of abandonment as well.... deathly afraid. Afraid enough that I have pushed away the one person who said he would always be there for me. Just another reason why I think I am worthless and cannot do anything right. It sounds like we can relate... at least I can relate to you. Take care.