Relationship New To The Group- Need Advice- Ptsd And Alcohol

[SB1215]

Hello,

I am new to the group. My husband was recently diagnosed with PTSD from trauma during his childhood. We have been married for almost 15 years, but for the last 2-3 he has had problems with alcohol.he cut back prior to going to the Psychiatrist but once he got his diagnosis he began drinking again- on a daily basis. He does not get drunk every night but at least half the time he does. He obsesses over little things and blows up at the drop of a hat. When he gets drunk he says horrible things to me including that he wants to leave. The next day, he apologizes and says he didn't mean it- but it happens once a week.

Is there anything that I can do to make this stop? I am worried about my kids being exposed to his drunken behavior and I feel very broken and sad.

 

[Sadly the Same]

I've been researching PTSD as much as possible. My boyfriend and your husband sound so similar. The drinking is one issue, the hateful and cruel things that are said are painful and frustrating. We have had incidents where honestly, i would have rather died in that moment than have to take any more. I don't have any answers but want you to know you are not alone...
I am looking forward to feedback from others who are knowledgable in this

Hello,

I am new to the group. My husband was recently diagnosed with PTSD from trauma during his childho...

 

[twinkle30]

You can't do anything to stop someone else's drinking. He has to want to stop on his own. There are Al Anon support groups you can go to. Al Anon is a branch of AA that is especially for the family members of alcoholics.

 

[SB1215]

He is actually on medicine which works beautifully during the day- but as soon as he has more than one drink you don't know what will happen....when he isn't drinking it's great. I just don't know what to do about the kids- I don't want them to hear the horrible things he says.

I just wonder if this the new normal, if it is, what on earth am I to do?

I will check into Al Annon

 

[The Albatross]

Is he in treatment for PTSD? If so I'd ask for a joint session or private session with his shrink to bring up the issue of alcohol abuse and how it escalates his symptoms.

 

[SB1215]

Yes, he has a Psychiatrist and a therapist (although he has not had a therapist apt. Yet- it's in a few weeks). I cannot believe that he is telling the Psychiatrist the truth about the alcohol abuse....will the doctor even talk to me?

 

[Justmehere]

If your husband agrees and signs a release, then yes he will likely talk to you. Without that release signed, you could send the doc a message, but that's it and if your husband isn't ok with that, it could really backfire.

If your husband doesn't give permission then couples counseling may be an option, and you may have to set a boundary that you will only stay with him if he goes.

He's running from and self medicating out some huge pain. It's going to take a lot to motivate him to give it up and face that pain.

 

[Neverthesame]

He's taking Antibuse?

I didn't know they still prescribed that. Not a bad thing if you have trouble with impulse control. Still takes a ton of willpower to take something knowing that when you try to drink later you will be violently ill.

I would agree that Al-anon would be a good idea for you. Quitting drinking is hard. (not making excuses for him) It is something he has to want to do.

You should absolutely learn as much as you can. Look at not just what to do with him, but you as well. Having a monster in your house once or more weekly is hard on you. Also a burden you don't have to bear. If you want to be there and supporting him, great. Just make sure to take care of yourself first.

It's not a bad idea to have an exit strategy, just in case. You never have to use it, just have it.

 

[mephoto]

Hello. I am a sufferer and saw your thread in my email and it caught my attention ... I suffered badly for about 8 years, some days weeks or months better than others, but the thing that stayed consistent was my drinking. The thing for me, is when I look back, the drinking started before the PTSD, and every time I tried to quit it was because I thought I should and not because I thought I needed to (trust me, there is a big difference).

Alcohol was my reliable friend. I have stopped drinking for periods of time here and there, but currently am on my longest stretch of almost four months sober. I still find hidden empty bottles of bourbon or wine that I have a hard time throwing away though because in my head I have an emotional attachment to the reliability of their previous contents.

So ... Here is why I became so attached ... The alcohol helped me feel. I let me PTSD go untreated for so long that I believe my brain had just learned how to function day to day but didn't know how to let me be emotional or sad or angry, it also took off the edge of my anxiety of I was around people so I could feel happy or fun or outgoing. I used to go out with friends and get black out drunk and then just crack into an emotional mess, I had drank enough to let out what was inside me. Eventually it took less and less alcohol to make me black out, and I was drinking every night because as bad as it felt it also felt good.

I could go on and on about how many times I tried to get sober and couldn't or how I would quit and sneak it back into my life, and you are more than welcome to inbox message me to talk more!

It took medication and months of a therapist drilling information out of me to calm me down enough that I can stay sober now (and I called her alllll kinds of terrible names and yelled and blamed her for things that could not possibly be her fault) but this time it feels different than the others, I know why I used to do it and I know why I am stopping now.

If your husband has some time during the day when he is feeling good and logical maybe you guys need to talk about some inpatient treatment so he can feel free and safe to express things other people cannot understand. I wouldn't threaten to leave or give ultimatums at this point, especially if he hasn't started seeing his Tdoc yet.

It seems like you are being very supportive in a situation that quite frankly isn't fair even though he can't exactly help it and I give you a lot of credit for that. Do your best to stay strong, check out AlAnon for sure, get some more suggestions, maybe even talk to some treatment centers to see if they think he is a candidate for that kind of treatment (don't spring that in him though!), and message me if you would like!

Just try your best to remember this too ... More than likely he is projecting at you because he feels you won't run away, so don't ... And more than likely the words he is yelling are not what he is really mad about.

 

[Lionheart]

Before professional treatment for PTSD can begin, alcohol use needs to be stopped in order to process the healing journey. Otherwise it would be a waste of time to see a therapist,...which I hope he is doing or will consider doing. A.A. can help with the alcoholic behavior.

I wish you both the best,

Lionheart777