New To The Idea Of Flashbacks

[Trinomial]

For some time now, I would zone out while lying in bed trying to sleep. It was like empty meditation--I would just be elsewhere, in an altered state. Then I would snap out of it and realize what had just happened. Often, I would feel overheated. My heart was racing. My muscles were so tense that I would strain facial muscles. Sometimes I was so tense that my spine was shaking uncontrollably. My eyes would be teary and I felt like I was just coming out of a very bad place.

Of course, I ignored it. I didn't understand what was happening and I didn't want to feel so upset by it. So, I tucked away these episodes as bad moments and forgot about them.

Last night, I went into one of these episodes again. I was completely unaware of myself and my surroundings, immersed in a past experience. It wasn't the actual bad things happening, it was the experience of myself laying in bed at night: wondering why these things happened, feeling sad, helpless, trapped, and alone. The aftermath of what happened to me, the feelings of despair with nowhere to go, haunts me. The feelings afterward are so much worse.

In my mind, I was that scared kid again. I was in my old room with my old feelings, just crying quietly. Then I snapped out of it and I was here again, just waiting to fall asleep. I had those physical symptoms like before. I gets me so upset, sometimes I override my sleep meds.

I dont have the heart to tell my husband how I've been feeling. I don't understand why I keep re-experiencing those feelings.

What is the role flashbacks have in PTSD? What if this happens to me when I'm out in public?

I feel out of control when it happens. I don't even realize it until I snap out of it. Can I make this stop?

 

[Trinomial]

When I was younger, I would be in so much pain but I would bury it. I never confided in anyone because my mom blamed me for everything. I didn't want to hurt her more. I was so busy hiding it, that I wasn't dealing with it. I didn't know how to cope with emotions.

Are flashbacks just my mind's way of dealing with those repressed emotions? Is it part of the grieving process?

I don't know what to do, other then let it happen and see if it gets out of my system.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I don't know much trinominal, but I think flashbacks are your minds way of trying to process things that happened. I'm sorry you are going though this. Are you having therapy? as I'm told it will get better therapy helps you to process the memories.

I can only speak for myself, but I find that if I'm out I have more things to distract me and keep flashbacks at bay.

 

[Trinomial]

I've been in therapy for about a year.

I was planning on going out today, but I've just been really upset and anxious since last night. I'm a mess.

My next session isn't until the 17th. I wonder if I should call. I mean, it's not a life or death emergency. I'm just freaked out.

 

[Zef]

I think it is OK to call and get some insight from your t.

 

[Laura Leonard]

A former therapist of mine explained flashbacks as improperly filed memories. During your trauma as a defense mechanism you disconnected yourself from the situation and therefore processed the experiences incorrectly. So now instead of a regular, accessible memory, it presents itself as an intrusive thought and fogs the awareness of your current surroundings.

Have you ever looked into EMDR?

 

[Trinomial]

I've read a bit about EMDR and I have a friend who swears by it. But I think she is worse off now than before. I'm a little skeptical, but I'll probably ask my therapist about it.

 

[Laura Leonard]

I will definitely admit that with EMDR there are trials. It's really tough, and makes you relive a lot. However, if you take it slow I feel like it really helped me out with my flashback frequency/intensity. At first I was pushing myself too hard and didn't even really take it seriously. I felt really silly during the EMDR, but if you focus and really try to do what your therapist is instructing you to, it can be extremely beneficial. It isn't an instant gratification thing, though. I had to make sure I didn't have work on the days that I knew I'd be having an EMDR session, because I was just completely emotionally spent and useless for the rest of the day.

Anyway, I think it's worth looking into. It's designed to help sort out your memories and make them manageable. Which is what it seems like you might need.

 

[Trinomial]

I talked to my therapist about this. He said it's a form of regression.

Some people slide backwards into a state of mind that they were in and they re-experience the past trauma. Other people, their younger traumatized self comes out in the present. I go back.

He said when I am reliving those experiences, I need to bring my adult self there (or someone I'm comfortable with) and nurture my young self. Hug her, talk to her, help her feel protected and relieved, tell her it's not her fault, etc. so the younger self can heal.

If I can help heal the wounded child, the child can later be a healthy and integral part of adult life. I like the balance of that thinking process. It makes more sense than memory encoding errors. My memory is just fine. I simply haven't dealt with the pain and the repressed emotions.

I guess the main thing that bothers me is how it seems beyond my control. However, I think with practice I can guide it a bit more like I do with meditation.