Relationship New to this and feeling very alone

[anon1234]

Hang in there. One day at a time.

 

[RN_Loving_A_Vet]

@anon1234

Thank you... definitely trying. I'm typically a very hopeful person, this is just out of the realm of anything I've ever experienced nor ever thought I would experience.

 

[anon1234]

@RN_Loving_A_Vet

Anytime. This is a good place for support, and is a place I have come many times. A friend of mine just told me “you need to text him that you don’t want to see him anymore because he treats you like a booty call”

I doubted my relationship for a good 20 mins then snapped out of it.

My advise for you as you progress through this: try not to give into the negativity of those around you who do not understand PTSD. This is not a case of “he’s just not that into you”

 

[RN_Loving_A_Vet]

@anon1234 I really needed to hear that because that is EXACTLY a thought that has crossed my mind and I feel terribly guilty for having gone to that place. But for a moment I did in fact think something along the lines of "he's just not that into you". I just have to work on not allowing the negativity of others impact progress in this relationship no matter how hard it may get.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’ve read that book, numerous times.

I’ve seen the movie, numerous times.

I’ve even watched the Sex and The City episode that line originates from, numerous times.

I can guarantee you this is not an instance of “he’s just not that into you.”

 

[RN_Loving_A_Vet]

@EveHarrington I too have read the book and seen the movie and damn my overactive imagination and analytical brain at times! But that thought, that this could ever be an instance of that, is now banished from my thinking and I thank you and @anon1234

Truly appreciate everything!

 

[DharmaGirl]

You don't have to call yourself names like foolish, or think of yourself as anything but fine the way you are. It is normal to have those thoughts. Normal. You are a compassionate person, and you are doing your best. It is the PTSD. I've never said this to a supporter before, mainly because I don't come on this side, and because there are times when the person with PTSD is also abusive. This guy is not abusive. He is struggling and it is the hardest thing I've done to go through the therapy. I'm thinking of you.

 

[RN_Loving_A_Vet]

@DharmaGirl

I cannot tell you in words how much it truly means to me that you have reached out. It means so much to have such incredible support from others and I sincerely admire your strength and your willingness to reach out. Your words resonate with me and have made me take a very necessary sigh of relief. I thank you, with all of my heart, for your kindness and your encouraging words. I'm thinking of you too.

 

[anon1234]

It may feel like everything is "on his terms" but try not to view it that way bc it can be defeating and your friends/family will tell you all the time how "everything is up to him isn't it?" it gets annoying bc they just don't understand. Much of it will be on his terms and you will need to come to terms if you want to deal with that or not.

This is EXACTLY what one of my friends told me last night. It made me think about my situation differently and put me in a place of deep negativity. I drove back from the city last night in tears and woke up feeling low. I'm being isolated right now and it's sometimes hard to be positive. But I am trying.

 

[RN_Loving_A_Vet]

@anon1234 I have cried so many tears. I believe I have exhausted my tear reserves because I am feeling quite dry in my eyes. It is definitely hard at times to remain positive and to be honest with you, had I not shared my story here and received such a great amount of support, I don't know how much positivity or hope I would truly have. Thinking of you and sending hugs.

 

[headshrinker89]

With that being said, are triggers always uncovered? And is that something we as supporters can and should be on the lookout for or is that something else entirely out of our control?

Triggers aren't always uncovered/discovered. Remember, a trigger occurs before the emotional response; so its easy to "see" the person's response i.e. anger, crying, yelling, hyper-vigilance, isolation, etc. And the person, who got triggered, will most likely be aware/know they are in an emotional state but they might now always know why or how their emotions are all over the place. That's the key you are looking for...what "caused" him to respond in an emotional manner and that's what a trigger is. Try to help find what triggers him & remember it for future reference, because it will occur again.

Triggers are out of everyone's control, even from the sufferer. Triggers are unique to the individual and are a response to stress. Keep in mind triggers aren't always obvious things like fireworks, car back firing, smells, locations, songs, people, etc. For example, I'm diagnosed with depression/anxiety, I'm prescribed meds, and in general I'm a happy person. But if a close relationship changes, like it ends or they move away, my depression/anxiety become very triggered. My trigger is something that is really out of everyone's control, including myself, and it's something that can't be seen. Relationships fluctuate, people come and go, people disappoint, but that's life....so my trigger is something that I will need to mange and I will need work on.

Sometimes the supporter can be the trigger...not the whole person, but something they are doing. I made this mistake time and time again with my vet; many times I even thought I was helping, but in reality I was only triggering him.

 

[Mytime]

It is very hard when people don’t understand PTSD. I have a friend who I feel, sees me as weak because I stayed with my suffer. She always feels I made excuses for him when he was symptomatic. At times I felt bad because I could sway in thinking the same as she. But when I sat and really thought about who he truly is, I was right in my belief in him. I know him like no one else does. Just like you know him like no one else does. He’s showing you, he loves you by keeping you safe from his uncontrolled emotions right now. Sending a hug if you expect :)