Supporter New To This Vet Ptsd Thing

[SAM A]

I've gotten some really good advice from my husband's best friend of 25 years and I am following it as best as I can, but I never imagined that I would ever be at this point. A week ago, my van broke down with our youngest son in it and he never responded to my call for help, then came home 3 hours later as was actually kind of cruel and nonchalant about the whole ordeal. I thought he was cheating on me!

He was this completely different person that weekend, with Sunday starting to show a little turn around. By Monday it seemed like he was looking like his old self, only he wasn't. He stayed away working as much as he could (we needed the money) but I was still convinced that he was having an affair.

The week passed, still with odd behavior, but now he is coming home more. I am no longer thinking he had an affair, but that is was the PTSD all along. I found this site through google when I was looking for some support. I found a great thread and took the advice immediately, along with the advice of his best friend to just trust him right now.

My hardest issues to deal with are when he drops off the face of the earth (turns his phone off or doesn't answer it) for a few hours, and when he rejects me in bed. Any tips on how to cope with your own feelings of abandonment and loss during these episodes would be greatly appreciated.

 

[SAM A]

I didnt get into full details but basically he stays away from home more than he is in it, but he's been reassuring that we aren't lost, he is. He's asked for time and I've agreed to give it to him. I am doing my best to be supportive and loving, reassuring him that I'm here and not going anywhere. He's said that he's worried that our home isn't safe with him in it, but I know he would never hurt us. He is not suicidal, and he does not rage at us, but he says he is feeling rage inside. He's sought help from the VA, and even going to begin a new med routine.

I am desperate for support because I love my husband very much and don't intend to let this get between us.

 

[Miamivice]

Excuse me if I am bold enough to make a comment about your life story. It always seems us as people who suffer from PTSD are always reacting to what people do to us physically and mentaliy, and we have to accept what people do to us from the time we were little tots. We have to love ourselves first, in order to receive "real" Love. I have been looking for "real " love my whole life, but the problem was, is I never knew what real love was. I was married 5 times and never experienced "real" love. Maybe because I thought going to bed with somebody, or having a baby with somebody was love. Its not love , it's just going to the motions. Sorry to sound like a know it all, its would be the total opposite. What kind of person gets married and divorced 5 tiimes. He would have to be the biggest loser on the face of the Earth. My only comment to you is do you love yourself, and if not why. People can see our weakness and take advantage of us. Thanks for your story. I was really impressed by your honesty.

 

[MissMacD]

Cognitive Behavior Therapy can work wonders on PTSD. I am doing it in combination with a low dose medication. I am finally getting my life back after 25 years of suffering (I am only 29). PTSD isn't something that is curable - it will always be there but with the right therapy it can become far more manageable.

 

[Cufflinks]

He's asked for time and I've agreed to give it to him. I am doing my best to be supportive and loving, reassuring him that I'm here and not going anywhere. He's said that he's worried that our home isn't safe with him in it, but I know he would never hurt us. He is not suicidal, and he does not rage at us, but he says he is feeling rage inside. He's sought help from the VA, and even going to begin a new med routine.

I am desperate for support because I love my husband very much and don't intend to let this get between us.

Hi Sam,

The fact that you're here will give you a lot of support. Does the VA provide support to wives? I'm a UK Vet and I know that they definitely support wives here and also offer special group meetings for supporters.

I would suggest that what he is going through is confusion and feeling frightened at how he is feeling. I know that I felt like I didn't know what was going on at times. Combat PTSD is slightly different IMHO. We're trained to react differently to stress and tend not to have a flight response.

The combat PTSD area of this site would be a good one for him to join. I use both.
It can seem like a very angry place although we share a bond that is just not seen anywhere but the military. There's a lot of venting. It may help.

There is a video on there which you can also find on Google called "You're not in the forces now". I cannot recommend this highly enough. It changed my life and may have even saved it. This is part of the treatment course for UK vets. Please watch it. It explains Combat PTSD like nothing else ever will.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

If you haven't been there already, please check out the Supporters section.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Sam A.,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

KP has some great advice about checking out the Supporters sections, as you will find other military wives that have dealt with similar issues. It is a great place for supporters to get the support they need.

Wishing you the best.

Debbie

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[myvetswife]

Welcome!