Supporter New User

[idkhelen]

Hi, I new user here. I came across this because I was doing research for PTSD, reason being is that I've recently started dating someone with PTSD who was also in the marines. I really like him and I feel this can go somewhere. I realize how hard it can be, that it is definitely different from what I'm used to. But I honestly think it'll be worth it. Anyway I just wanted to ask if anyone had any advice or knowledge about it that I can take away. Some things about him. One of the things he enjoys doing is rapping, almost every time he does, he breaks down and cries, he's always rapping about how it was in the Marines and I'm sure it brings back memories. All I do is hold him and I wish I can do more for him. There's a few times where he's made me cry. I try to be the most understanding I can be. He always thinks im lying, which I understand since it's a new relationship and also he's been cheated on when he was deployed. Sometimes i think i know his personality, and then he becomes a completely different person. There's times where I cry and he comforts me. But then there's times where hell sit there saying, he's not here to comfort me, he's here to make me stronger for us. I'm trying my best to endure how cold he can get. I'm hoping over time hell learn to trust me. He told me when I'm not with him physically he already assumes I'm at some other man's house. So as far as advice goes, I just wanna know how I should act in certain situations.

 

[Deleted member 38137]

He needs counseling. From a professional. Secondly, the coldness is common. In fact, it should be written in stone that if you are with a combat vet, expect to be treated like you don't exist. Some advice would be to take yourself away from him when he acts cold. It's what he wants. You cannot stop the feeling no matter how nice you are to him.
For you, look into books about codependency and read them. Sure, it's all well and good to love and take care of a warrior. It's not all well and good that you let him suck the life outta you. You need to watch your tendency to do that. I should know. I'm in the same boat.
Currently my combat vet is in the "don't touch me" mood as I write this. So I'm on here reading your post. Lol.
Good luck, you're gonna need it.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Hi idkhelen, welcome to the forums!
First of all I want to say it's really nice and considerate of you to seek advice on how to be there for your man. He's lucky to have you :)

Unfortunately there is no handbook on how to handle PTSD symptoms. I have PTSD and I don't even know how to deal with myself most days. But I'll try to give you my two cents. I hope it's helpful!

My background is quite different from his, but just by being there for him and holding him when he needs it, you are already doing a great thing. As for what else is helpful to him, you can best ask him yourself.

Please don't forget about your own needs, though! Regardless of whether your partner has ptsd, you are not his therapist and you deserve equal love and support from him.

Best of luck to you!

 

[idkhelen]

He needs counseling. From a professional. Secondly, the coldness is common. In fact, it sh...

Thank you for your advice! Merry Christmas as well to you. Earlier he and I were sitting in his truck. It's not the first time he's told me, but he says hes wasting my time because he looks forward to dying. He says he wants to die. He tells me I better hope I don't f*ck up. A few other cold things as well. Then next thing you know, a few minutes later of this type of talk, he looks at me with these kind, sad eyes, says he loves me and that he doesn't deserve to be loved, saying that he isn't a good person. The whole time, I just let him talk and tried to reassure him. Should I have just walked out of his truck? Last time I tried to leave his house when he got in that moment and he punched the wall, saying everyone always leaves, I ended up staying. I'm trying so hard to read his actions and read how I should react but I guess that should come over time

 

[Deleted member 38137]

Thank you for your advice! Merry Christmas as well to you. Earlier he and I were sitting in his truck....

He sounds pretty unstable. First off, people DO LEAVE when they are under threat of violence. So that should come as no surprise to him. Secondly, he's not only got PTSD, he's got emotional abuse problems. Don't be surprised when they turn physical on you.

Your job at this point is to encourage counseling and if he refuses, LEAVE HIM. Just like an alcoholic needs meetings and diabetics need insulin, HE NEEDS COUNSELING!!!

You, my dear, are not qualified to help him. You can be there for him. You can love him. But you CANNOT FIX HIM. He needs to take the steps to fix himself.

I hope that you don't think I'm being tough on you. I'm not trying to be. I'm just trying to help you avoid a severely codependent relationship.

 

[idkhelen]

He sounds pretty unstable. First off, people DO LEAVE when they are under threat of violen...

No honestly thank you for the advice. Really do appreciate it!