Welcome Pink Rox!
You have come to a place where you will be accepted just as you are, and you will find many people who have felt and thought in some of the same ways that you have. Our stories are different, but we know the feeling of 'wanting out' of this life. Idiots like you neighbour/friend do not deserve to be in your life.
It sounds like you have been to hell and back. Medications can help tremendously, but that is only a part of healing. Meds can calm the ups and downs enough that you can talk or write about your feelings. It's hard to get better when tears are always just a breath away.
Please don't give up! I've been in the Psyche ward 3 times, and each time it helped me. Just having people there to listen, and give you some order in the chaos, with regular meals, and group sessions where you discover you are not alone are worth it! Because you are NOT alone!
It may take a lifetime to overcome your agony, but it is worth the work!
Take good care of you!
AKJ