Nightmares Have Started

[Hansgrohe]

Last night I had a nightmare that I remember very vividly. I was in a building that looked a lot like my 9th grade campus, and I think I was trapped in there. I remember being there and my first instinct was to get the hell out of there. I was in this kind of "stealth mode", just trying to get out of there.

Then, I absolutely flipped shit when I saw a specific person. This person who shall not be described deceived me, and in hindsight what happened was a dysfunctional friendship that had a lot of red flags I should've known early on. But what I remember was that this person was trying to catch me. I knew that if this person saw me, I was dead meat. I felt this sense of adrenaline and then I began running, running for an exit, as I had a feeling there were more guards in the building (and there were). Eventually I got to the exterior and I saw this garden-like area, and it had some gardener there. I think I discussed an escape plan with him, but I don't remember much after that. It was basically my 9th grade campus high school if it were a state pen.

Many of my symptoms have just come back all of a sudden. I've definitely experienced them before, but I feel as if I were attempting to bury my symptoms, but really, the best way to put it would be to say the toilet has overflowed, and it's overflowing massively. Realizing what has happened has given me such a strong sense of terror.

(I should also mention that I had a previous nightmare of a former special ed teacher [as a cop] chasing me around through this inner city neighborhood; she was chasing me but she kept shouting at me in this monotone, nice voice, claiming that she was going to "help" me and I was just climbing fences and trying to escape)

 

[shimmerz]

I know this sounds like a broken record, but have you enlisted the help of a therapist @Hansgrohe It sounds like you may have some big issues popping up and a therapist may well be able to help you set up some good coping strategies.

 

[Deleted member 28845]

High school dreams are a terrible thing. I was almost killed in a very violent and bloody way when I was in high school.
What happened to you?

 

[Hansgrohe]

I'm going to talk to my mother about a therapist as soon as today. If I am properly diagnosed that will likely require a change in IEP, and perhaps there I could conceivably finish off high school online. I remember the last few months were complete hell last year. I'm not gonna go through that again.

Also, as for what happened to me, I was constantly bullied, deceived, ignored, or stigmatized while I was in school (especially in middle school). The SpED teachers also attempted to "treat" me for my "abnormalities", but they ended up failing miserably. All that stigma, pain, suffering, and degradation built up. I've been used as a turkey shoot as well by various other people (AKA - the popular kids) more recently (11th), which ended up flaring my PTSD, really, really bad.

 

[Karen12]

Kids can be vicious in a way that often goes unacknowledged by adults. When I have nightmares I have trouble shaking off the feelings even hours after I wake up so I understand how powerful they can be. I hope you can find some resolution soon, @Hansgrohe.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

Please talk to your doctors about taking Prazosin if you have been diagnosed with PTSD. It helps with my nightmares and is a blood pressure lowering medication there to help with horrid nightmares, such as mine were.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I feel your pain. PTSD is usually at its worst when the nightmares show up. And they are not fun. It is amazing how much trauma you can experience when the nightmares show up.
My PTSD was indeed caused by people who did not help me, who not only watched the criminal go after me day after day, but who also made fun of me and accused me because of that, who also threatened me when I turned the criminal in.
I do not deal well with help, everyone that usually would in normal life help me has not helped me, that includes a sexually and verbal abusive father, a sexually abusive childhood, traumatized by complete strangers, as well as various abusive relationships that I slithered into when I was a teen.
PTSD was then the culmination, when being stalked by a seemingly nice person who did not stop, ever. Oh yeah, forgot to mention that I also lived with a monster that truly enjoyed to abuse me for over 25 years and dared to call that a marriage.

Well, I know one thing: I know exactly how terrified you are: when you are experiencing those nightmares you are deep within the cauldron of PTSD, no way out of it whatsoever, and that is what is so awful.

I have never really found a way to interpret those nightmares towards something that helped, but know instinctively that those nightmares are indeed the past that is haunting me, at times your dreams and nightmares might seem outlandish but in our dream world we deal with PTSD very differently then when we are awake. But it usually amounts to the same thing.

Reading your post reminds me how much I hate those nightmares and how much more terror is added when those happen.

I am getting together a business that will enable me to help other crime victims with PTSD, it does not help that there are some very crazy people who are still stalking me due to the crimes that happened to me, after I turned them all in and then published it online.
These people are attempting to penetrate into every fiber of my life, will copy everything that I do or say, will attempt to pierce my connections with other people and who are actively threatening my life daily, while attempting to destroy my belongings, including vandalizing my car many times.

If you do not want meds there are many supplements you can take and there are several that help me: Phosphatidylserene is one of them, giving you a clear mind and helping you to concentrate, valerian to calm you down. Oh, and I should mention that physical detoxification will also help with your mental detoxification. I consume detox teas and swear it also makes a difference mentally.

Totally know what you are going through. Hope you find the strength through this.

 

[Hansgrohe]

I really should try those de-tox teas. They sound wonderful! Thanks for sharing your experience by the way. Though I didn't experience the exact same, I DO understand the constant pain and abuse at seemingly every corner, and seemingly every person (whether it be your brother, your teachers and assistants, or your so-called friends) somehow manage to make you feel awful.

 

[Deleted member 28845]

I think you may have something more going on than PTSD if you are considering detox teas man.

 

[Deleted member 28845]

Another note, the bullying you are experiencing is PTSD, you may think you are being victimized by many people, when the truth is you're not. You had a trauma, now it's time to deal with it. I'd stay in school if I was you. I remember myself then, lost, doing cocaine, LSD, and drinking. heavy I had it pretty bad then, I didn't know what it was. I just thought I was crazy. Well good sir, you are NOT crazy, or a loser.

Shit man, I'd drink a beer with you. Just to talk about our thing. It's not fun, is it? It's a brain sneeze. What my doctor called it. It's the ancient reptile part of our brain, making us survive. In my experience, it has made me more of a badass.

 

[Hansgrohe]

Heh, yeah. I don't know since the whole "relaxation drinks" kinda woo me a bit, but yeah. I know my brother DEFINITELY needs some de-toxing though, given how absolutely shit his diet is (his diet is all junk food; this is a 25 year old, by the way, with bad weight problems).

At this point I'm looking for some sense of closure. It's sad because I've never really 100% recovered from all the trauma. I can't even socialize with people because of all that constant end of being the victim throughout high school and the fear of being tormented for just saying a word. The only thing that's really going to help me is when I begin to get my life back, and start positive, good relationships. I've never had that, honestly. At least not since elementary school.

 

[Deleted member 28845]

You're never going to recover from it completely bud. PTSD is permanent. It's all about treating it, even putting your symptoms to good use.