General No emotion when I'm upset

[Blackhole33]

Whenever I'm upset, my combat PTSD boyfriend just sits there emotionless, which only makes me more upset. Then he eventually just leaves, and I'm left all alone picking up the pieces. It sucks. It's like how about a hug at least. Anyone else experience this?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Sure, I can relate and probably most of the supporters here can relate as well. If he can’t handle his own emotions, he really can’t handle yours.

High emotions usually don’t go over well.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Sufferer here. Numbness for me cannot be controled. When I am overwhelmed with emotions, I go numb. When someone is upset with me, it is not safe to feel so I go numb. If that person gets more upset I go more numb for longer. And I cannot control any of it. I certianly cannot offer a genuine hug in that time. If someone is like "hug me you asshole" it will be a forced, void of all emotion, hug.

I will then isolate or leave because its not safe around high emotions and when its not safe I flee for saftey. Then, when I unnumb I have a shit load of PTSD shit to deal with which is really not for supporters to see plus we want to protect you from all of that and from getting accidently hurt by us because of it.

Its rather predictable. It sucks and I am sorry that it sucks but at least you can predict it thus prepare yourself for it.

I would also maybe learn to not get upset when he does things that he likely cannot control (becoming numb) and cannot do (give you a hug when numb). Just 2 of the many things we cannot control and cannot do. It will make being a supporter 10 times easier. Not easy. Just easier.

 

[anon1234]

I will then isolate or leave because its not safe around high emotions and when its not safe I flee for saftey. Then, when I unnumb I have a shit load of PTSD shit to deal with which is really not for supporters to see plus we want to protect you from all of that and from getting accidently hurt by us because of it.

This is something I’ve had explained by my sufferer almost word for word. Having a tough time right now so thanks for reminding me he said this. And thank you for being so open with us here.

 

[Friday]

If he can’t handle his own emotions, he really can’t handle yours.

Yep. This.

Plus there’s the personality / sex disconnect. The whole “That’s what girlfriends are for.” (Sobbing, shopping, and soliloquy).

Sure, some men love and adore those things, most are far more on the Sex & Solutions side of things.

If you want to bawl your eyes out in front of an adoring audience, try on 40 zillion outfits, or talk incessantly about who the f*ck knows (because it would take a Middle East Peace Negotiaor to get a word in edgewise and not set off World War III)... ring your girlfriends.

Add those 2 things together? PTSD + Personality = Goodnight Irene.

 

[Freida]

I will then isolate or leave because its not safe around high emotions and when its not safe I flee for saftey. Then, when I unnumb I have a shit load of PTSD shit to deal with which is really not for supporters to see plus we want to protect you from all of that and from getting accidently hurt by us because of it.

yep. this ^^^

Shut off the emotions and assess the threat.
Stay alive
Keep others alive
Can't do that and feel
then try to explain it later
Which sucks because I'm numb when I'm numb. it just happens. I can't control it.
And ya, I know it makes me look like a cold hearted bitch.
But, there ya go.
I come in handy when things go really wrong because with no emotions I can focus and act. So it kind of balances out.

 

[anon1234]

It’s like the two of you listened to conversations I’ve had with my partner, recorded them, and then wrote the transcript on this forum. Word for word. Not that I needed to legitimize what he has said but during isolation every reminder to the reality of this is very helpful.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Safety first,
then sort out collateral damage last.

 

[Fitlady]

Sufferer here. Numbness for me cannot be controled. When I am overwhelmed with emotions, I go numb. When someone is upset with me, it is not safe to feel so I go numb. If that person gets more upset I go more numb for longer. And I cannot control any of it. I certianly cannot offer a genuine hug in that time. If someone is like "hug me you asshole" it will be a forced, void of all emotion, hug.

I will then isolate or leave because its not safe around high emotions and when its not safe I flee for saftey. Then, when I unnumb I have a shit load of PTSD shit to deal with which is really not for supporters to see plus we want to protect you from all of that and from getting accidently hurt by us because of it.

Its rather predictable. It sucks and I am sorry that it sucks but at least you can predict it thus prepare yourself for it.

I would also maybe learn to not get upset when he does things that he likely cannot control (becoming numb) and cannot do (give you a hug when numb). Just 2 of the many things we cannot control and cannot do. It will make being a supporter 10 times easier. Not easy. Just easier.

When u say u do not want to accidentally hurt u sufferers do u mean by harsh words and/or actions? Is it like u can’t tell if we are friend or foe and when this happens everyone is like a foe? I may be over generalizing...but I have heard from BF that he does not want me to see him when he is like this (when he was at the hospital and for a few days when he got out) and I said ok. I do believe he knows himself and what he needs to do and I have told him that. But if is great hearing u guys be more descriptive

 

[lostforgottensoul]

When u say u do not want to accidentally hurt u sufferers do u mean by harsh words and/or actions?

Both. I explode. I lash out. I hurt others around me a lot when sympomathic. So, yeah, both.

ETA: Also, I don't want others to see what I go through. Its hard to see and it causes a lot of questions that I can't answer. But that's just me.

 

[Fitlady]

Both. I explode. I lash out. I hurt others around me a lot when sympomathic. So, yeah, both.

ETA: Also, I don't want others to see what I go through. Its hard to see and it causes a lot of questions that I can't answer. But that's just me.

Thanks for answering. This definitely aligns with what my BF said. He has mentioned that he had beat up a guy (and not remember) and done other things in the past that he does not remember doing in the act (but it was done) when he was symptomatic. And so he has said he never wants to hurt me, not worry about me and always be upfront. So that makes this isolation even more meaningful. I really hate what u guys endure. It definitely saddens me.