No, I Did Not Violate Your Boundaries

[Philippa]

Yes, because therapist knows best! She's got the piece of paper to prove it.

 

[Bilby]

She sounds like a bully.

 

[freakofnurture]

As far as getting hurt in relationships...that is something we all need to come to terms with IN OUR OWN TIME, that we hurt others without meaning to and others hurt us without meaning to (unless they mean to, and then they are just mean and cruel.)

Mean and cruel? I'll spell it out (to get it into my own head): I feel safer in professional relationships than in informal ones because in professional ones I have a charta of rights, enforced by autorities, that I can point to when I am being treated in a not-okay way. I also can fire a professional, and if they resent me for it, that's them being even more unprofessional.

She knows that. I told her in detail. And then she goes and hurts me in the most unprofessional way ever, after drumming home the fact that she's not only a professional in the therapy room, but also an individual with moods and emotions. D'uh! (I said) but she's an individual in the context of a therapy session!

WTF? W. T. F.??? She knows why I feel kinda safe with her, and then she goes and rips that to shreds by spitting on the very basic rules of therapy! Way to expand my trauma related fears into the one safe space I was still having with strangers.

Holy shit.

I don't know, the way you have typed about her here, I am getting the vibe that she has been quite patronizing towards you?

Sometimes she was. She also had moments of brilliance; she handled the whole sexual abuse stuff extremely well and helped me a great deal there. But the Dark Side is strong in this one, I guess...

Waw! What great goals your T has for you!

Lol, CrazyHorse, how do you do it? How do you survive with such high levels of sarcasm in your system? :D

She sounds like a bully.

I guess she actually is one. Thanks for putting it into these words. My therapist is a bully *goes to chew on that one for a bit*

Oh btw: Guys, thanks so much for your kind words and your empathy. I appreciate it immensely :)

 

[Bilby]

Sorry if I was a bit abrupt, I just wasn't sure what other way to say it. :(

 

[Philippa]

No need to be sorry for saying it straight Bilby.

 

[freakofnurture]

@Bilby: I guess there is no other way to say it :)

 

[freakofnurture]

So, I sent an email to my T, informing her that I cancel all further appointments with her because the necessary basis of trust is no longer existent. I guess she won't reply until Monday, if she replies at all.

 

[saffy]

using direct methods

She sounds like she has trained in doing directive counselling rather than a non directive therapy like person centred. Therefore you will never gel, ever. Because you obviously do not respond do direct therapy.

Telling you that she has not gone beyond your boundaries when You clearly think she has is totally idisregarding your needs and feelings, when what you need is someone who respects your boundaries and encourages you further.

Ignoring and disregarding your needs is detrimental to any therapy, or relationship come to think of it.

Maybe you could look for a non directive therapist. Ask which area the therapist has trained in.

Here is something that might explain it better :)

http://navyadvancement.tpub.com/14144/css/14144_105.htm

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Hashi]

I agree with saffy. It can be the type of approach as much as the individual.

When I had to find a new therapist last year, I tried seeing someone for a while who kept challenging me in an area that I felt very protective about. She knew that but she wasn't going to stop doing it, because that was how she did therapy and she believed it was a way to help me move forward. However, I didn't want to be challenged like that and I didn't think it was beneficial in my case. Presumably she has other clients who have a different view and respond to it differently.

I wasn't going to feel safe enough with her because of this, so all I could do was stop seeing her and find someone with an approach more suited to mine. It helped me clarify what I did want from a therapist, and gave me more questions to ask when I started searching again.

 

[saffy]

I hope you found someone more suitable Hashi :)

Physchologist, therapist and councellors all train to understand the human mind and behaviours but their method of therapy is chosen by what they believe will work.

For example, psychoanalytical and psychodynamic therapy is based on the works of freud. He basis it that behaviour is not within our conscious control.

http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/psychoanalytical.html

Unlike the humanistic approach, Carl Rogers, which echoes Maslow in regard to self actualizing but works on allowing the client to find his own self worth and esteem.

Dead Link Removed

Gestault counselling is a directive form based on his findings that think the mind should be formed and shaped.


there are others; Link Removed

The way we progress our selves is entirely individual and some respond more to the more humanistic approach than to the more directive, which is deemed lesser likely to actually work.

These different approaches can mean a huge difference when it comes to the actual therapy. I think anyway.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[DharmaGirl]

Freakofnurture, can you please stop me from cheating on my diet? I would like to lose weight. Thank you, Monster

 

[Hashi]

I hope you found someone more suitable Hashi

Thank you, yes, very much so. This is not to make it about me - honestly! - but I hope relevant to the topic is that I did find a therapist with a humanistic approach instead. This is reinforced by the various therapeutic approaches that she uses, so the whole basis is to validate where I am now and to recognise that I do things a certain way for a good reason, such as protecting myself. If I'm going to change anything, I need to feel safe to do that first. And it's always my choice and at my own pace. She'll ask me what I think about doing things differently, but she doesn't push me to or invalidate my choices.

FON, just a thought, but are there integrative therapists where you are? That's what it's called in the UK at least - it's where a therapist is trained to use a number of approaches and to draw on the most appropriate one(s) depending on each client and where each client is on their journey. If this type of therapy is available, it might be worth considering.

At any rate, I'd suggest the humanistic approach, and talking to any potential new therapists about boundaries and your feelings about this.