No reply to my last post

[AliceJK]

Hi there AliceJK Welcome and Thank you for the post

I wonder why you would come to a site that is...

The reason why I came to this site is because I've been a lurker here for quite awhile and finally replied a couple of times. I'm not putting down anyone who wants to tell their story and write/talk about anything they want to write/say. ANYTHING that helps someone is a good thing. Maybe how I feel right now, needing to keep barriers up, will change some day. Because we all know, being trauma victims, that tomorrow we may feel different than we do today. I'm trying to keep my options open.

I'm not putting down therapy either. For myself, right now, even the thought of talking about what happened to me makes me sick to my stomach. I'm a military veteran so I do go to the VA. But, now, only for physical health reasons. The VA used to FORCE a lot of vets to talk about their bad experiences. They no longer do because too many vets were committing suicide after being forced to talk about what they weren't ready to talk about. It pushes some people over the edge. The VA told me that "if or when" I'm ready to talk about whatever I want to talk about they are there for me, which is all I can ask. Trauma didn't just happen to me in the military -- also in civilian life.

If therapy is helping you or anyone else then it is right for you. For me, I know I'm not in a place to share much. So, maybe I don't belong here just like you said.

As for helping people, I've tried that many times. I've given people rides, given people food, given people money. Most of the time without a "thank you". And do you know what has happened? I've had people knocking on my door constantly wanting this or that or for me to do this and that for them. I've finally had to stand up for myself and say no. And then they get angry. It gets very overwhelming having to drive people around when I have severe panic attacks, but I felt sorry for them, and did it anyway. Only to be asked again and again to do more and more. And I'm that sort of person who would pay for a taxi when my car is broken down rather than ask someone for a ride because I don't want to disturb them. Now, since I have created a barrier, I'm much more at peace and a lot less stressed out. And there are others ways of doing good in the world -- like caring for animals -- who are also (unfortunately) abused by people.

 

[Esterio]

Hi Alice
Thank you for your response I think I understand you a little better now. I am glad you came to this site. If you find it hard to talk that is totally ok. I can understand I was in my forties before I ever even told anyone and I told my wife first about what happen to me before I was 5 years old to start. I hope some time you get comfortable enough here to share your experiences here. It has done me a lot of good for me i am a bit better for it I am sure they were awful when they happen. I understand very well they make you sick.

I am the same with trying to talk about my trauma's at least some of them. they make me sick, worthless and ashamed. I have found when the time is right I open up. This last winter after over 4 months of almost complete isolation. I restarted therapy and joined MY PTSD on the same day my 62 birthday. The time for everything to come out had come. In therapy I was getting 90 minute sessions per week and the T was having a hard time to slow me down so he couldn't make notes. He also had a hard time to get me back grounded so I could leave to go home. I had 5 or 6 sessions like that. I was exhausted had a hard time driving home. Started getting more flashbacks and panic attacks.

At the same time I join MY PTSD and met a couple of people who encouraged me to talk. Talk I did at one point or another I have told someone (a few different people) about my trauma's. I still talk to those people on a regular basics, I still have not been able to talk about one part of my life but I know it is coming. Some of the people here that I told some stuff to don't talk to me any more. I think I said to much and hurt them so I try to make sure that the people I talk with about the bad stuff it is someone how is not going to get stressed or triggered by me telling them. It is hard to know who can take it and who can't. We are all hurting and struggling with our own demons here.

So I hope you will stick around and find someone you are comfortable with and start to talk start small. Talk when you can don't push yourself to much and also read there is a lot to be said for the validation you can get from hearing someone else tell their story and you start to nod your head as you understand what they have gone through is so much the same as your experience.
So while I regret what happen to you that you need therapy and this site. I am glad you found us and look forward to seeing you around the forums. You are welcome here. Be gentle to your self. You are not alone and have come to a good place to share and be supported when needed. Animals are very good companions and they appreciate being loved and care for. I have recked a few dogs in my life. The last one lived with me for 17 years was a very loyal friend for me.
Peace be safe
Hope to see you around

 

[Muttly]

You've gotten a lot of useful replies to this thread. I hope you are taking that on and feeling a bit better. Full disclosure- I did not manage to read your entire post in this thread. Between dyslexia and exhaustion I just, literally can't read it. I believe I got the gist of what you said, mostly by reading people's replies. That's a typical strategy for me. Reading other people's comments will often make it easier for me to read a long thread. I will also do this if I don't know what to say. And I suspect, other people do this too. They won't know what to say, but as the conversation evolves they can join in. More reasons for you to consider when you don't get replies.

I think almost everyone who has been at this forum (or on others) has experienced not getting replies. It is rotten. It hurts. It is easy to black/white think and decide you are wanted/heard/believed/etc. But really, it's a reflection of life. The best supporter, or set of supporters in the world, are not going to be able to be there 100% of the time in the ways we need. A crisis may happy and you need to reach out more than once before you get the support you need. And if you have PTSD and other issues, that can feel like you are being failed once again. Part of learning to be healthy is getting the coping skills and understanding what resources are available to get through that.

Was I one of the people who looked and didn't reply? Possibly. Because if there were no paragraphs I wouldn't have even tried to read it. (I would have to be in a super good place and have a lot of time, because of the amount of effort and time reading it would take for my dyslexic brain). But I would have had to click on it, to see I couldn't read it. And, I just went back and peeked at the post you were talking about. Even though someone added paragraphs, it's just too long for me to read right now.

Or are you lot cowardly and so wrapped up in your own stuff you don't believe anyone else could ever be worse off than you? Well you have just met someone who is. I'm leaving it there and I will wait to see if anyone on here is kind enough or compassionate enough or wise enough or brave enough or even honest enough to bloody well prove me wrong.

This is the kind of stuff that in the past would have triggered me horribly. Maybe I'm just too exhausted and numb to be triggered by it right now. I do hope you really take the time to reflect on what you said. I completely understand you were hurt. That's why I, and probably others, are taking the time to respond.

So, here are some questions for you. Why do you think non-response equals disbelief? Why do you need to compare? Do you think if your problems aren't the worst, you won't get the support you need?

 

[Recovery4Me]

Consider that you have now received your negative reinforcement without the common courtesy of your reciprocation.

May your personal healing journey include growth of compassion, and less entitlement with some added respect for those others whom suffer the same diagnosis of PTSD.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I would have to be in a super good place and have a lot of time, because of the amount of effort and time reading it would take for my dyslexic brain

I think this alone is a super great reasoning of why would get a lot of views and few replies. I, as well, am dyslexic. And with that I need to read sentences 8 ish times to really grasp what it is saying. And then add with that that I am training a service dog while still working full time. I really have zero time for anything anymore. It is starting to get a bit better now that he is working much more and training (only training) much less but still, I have time for very little and so normally I will click on a post to see if its something I can quick-ish read and answer or if it's more indepth reading and/or requires much more thought. That is the reason I had to tell @EveHarrington I'd be replying to hers soon. I just needed the time to sit down and write a thought out reply.

Anyway, I would agree that the reason this happens is what we call life. If not dyslexia and training a service dog while working full time its something else. There are so many reasons one won't/can't reply that it's too numberous to even name them all. It's why I never bother to turn my phone sideways on here to even see how many read my post vs how many replied. That evokes an emotional response when in reality it has zero to do with you or your post and more to do with the reader and what they have going in their life.

 

[The Albatross]

"Why do you think non-response equals disbelief? Why do you need to compare? Do you think if your problems aren't the worst, you won't get the support you need?" - Good points.

But so far as, "Or are you lot cowardly and so wrapped up in your own stuff you don't believe anyone else could ever be worse off than you? Well you have just met someone who is. I'm leaving it there and I will wait to see if anyone on here is kind enough or compassionate enough or wise enough or brave enough or even honest enough to bloody well prove me wrong" ... the fact is that every participant is there "for their own stuff" and that they extend an opinion or compassion as they are able. You looking for peers or a rescuer? Cuz if so, you'll be disappointed largely. If the forum members were capable consistently of that, they'd/we'd/I'd have done that already for myself, my spouse, my family, and my relationships.

 

[joeylittle]

Psychotic break

Related post from OP

 

[Deleted member 34561]

Look everyone I'm really sorry about this thread I posted a few weeks ago while in the grip of alcohol and cannabis withdrawal psychosis. I was off my bloody rocker away with the bloody fairies. None of what I started this thread with is real or true. I was suffering paranoid delusions and auditory and visual hallucinations that seemed so real to me but were in fact a product of my sick damaged brain on sensory overload and not being able to make sense of the extremely powerful and overwhelming feelings from my past that I was experiencing for the first time in decades which I was numbing out with booze and pot all that time so I didn't have to feel them or deal with them. I was projecting this stuff onto and into people in the here and now and seeing the past in these current people when it wasn't really there at all. It was some f*cking crazy shit I was believing and acting upon and speaking about. I just want to apologise unreservedly to all of you I offended with my misplaced and unjustified anger at not getting replies because frankly who would reply to insane bollocks like this really unless they were batshit mad like I was till very recently?! I am out the other side of my psychotic break and very firmly back in the land of reality and many thanks to @joeylittle for putting up the link to my post Psychotic Break which explains things further.

Once again I'm truly sorry and I promise you now I'm totally sober clean and sane you won't be reading stuff like that from me again.

Cheers

Crazydiamond47

 

[Muttly]

You made a mistake, owned up to, and your learning and trying to get healthy. That is what matters. For me, I have no bad feelings. Hopefully this post will die down and you can move on.