No Suicide And No Self Harm Contracts

[Iam]

My T wants me to sign a "No Suicide" contract that would stay in force for as long as I am in therapy with him. I told him that I don't want to make a promise I might not be able to keep and would think about it. I really don't like the idea of that option being taken from me. It's like I need to know I have an out if I need it.

Have any of you signed one? I think it's stupid and I am skeptical of the reasons for it.

I got online last night and researched it. Some of the stuff made me think he is doing it for his own protection. You know, so that if I do, he can prove that he did everything he could. What do you think? If that is all he wants I'd do it for him. I also got that feeling because when he asked about my anti-depressants I reminded him that he told me to go off them. He freaked (well freaked for him so to speak). He was worried that at my physical on Tuesday I'd tell my Dr. that he "told" me to go off them and since he's only a LCSW he could get in trouble. I reminded him that he had told me to talk to my dr about it and that it was my choice that I weaned off without my doc's knowledge.

We talked last night about nutritional supplements and he suggested that I go on several and wants me to email him Monday to let him know if I am doing better. If not he wants me to talk to my Dr. about going on a low dose, 5mg, of celexa again. I told him that I have 92 of the 40 mg ones sitting at home so don't need to talk with my dr. about it. Again, it makes me nervous. Why does he really want me to email him? What is he planning on doing if I don't sign the contract? Tell my dr, whom I've only seen 2 times in 2 years? I've never talked to my Dr. about this other than to say I was on anti-depressants and was doing well on them. He only knows that I am seeing my T cause my T sent him my diagnosis.

Or maybe he'll commit me if I don't sign the contract? God, I hope he doesn't tell my husband.....
I am wishing now that I had never told my T.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

I think I signed one with myself quite some time ago actually. I just made the decision that for me personally, it really was my decision - and my personal choice was to 'sign' a no suicide contract.

 

[freakofnurture]

When I was in hospital they forced me to promise that I'd go to the psych ward staff and talk to someone before starting any suicide attempts. I reacted similar to what you did - told them that I didn't know if I could really do it, but that I would try. They didn't like that. A promise to try wasn't enough. So to keep myself out of the glass cell I lied and said I would, promise. I was surprised they bought it, I mean, I resisted until they threatened me with the glass cell, and whoops, look how compliant I can be... Is 'I promise' a magic formula now or what? Or does writing your name somewhere specific magically remove the option of sucide from this plane of reality? You have to want to promise/make a contract for it to work; if you're not in it emotionally it's a waste of time.
Since I didn't want that promise, it never played any role whatsoever in my later suicidal ideation. And, like you, I regretted ever having talked about my suicidal thoughts to my T. I never again talked about them, just like I am keeping my mouth shut about my self-harm towards my new T because sadly she can't handle that topic very well. It makes me feel autonomous, though. I like my new T a lot and she has been incredibly helpful. So I trust her and willfully lay open my psyche in front of her; but I still have secrets that will stay my own and that I will handle all on my own, like grown-ups do.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

You can't force anyone to sign a suicide contract and actually follow through. What exactly are you going to do if they don't follow through? Sue them for breach of contract? And like an employment contract - you can't ask for 'specific performance' (ie - you cant MAKE someone show up for work). It's a personal choice at the end of the day and the responsibility lays with the person either following through or not following through on it. I think it's really more about committing to something, rather than signing on a dotted line.
Btw - I've never been asked to sign one. What I meant was 'I made a promise to myself which I swore I would keep'. I suppose, for some people, a suicide contract makes it more real/literal. Rather than ethereal.

 

[Iam]

I understand what you are saying FON. Signing it doesn't mean a thing unless you are doing it willingly and with committment. Like you said Jen.....I can do that for myself. It is truly up to the individual.

I think on some level for me is that I don't want to say/sign something like that unless I mean it. If I did I would try my best to honor the agreement.

I don't know if my T is trying to protect himself, gauge how serious my ideation is or is just trying to help me thru it. I have always trusted him but I don't in this. I really think that my problems are way too much for him to handle. He has repeatedly said that he is not a crisis counselor, that it would be too draining on him as opposed to T's who thrive on it. He did tell me that when he has a relationship with a client that he wants to be there for them if they go into crisis. He said he was insulted that I didn't call him 2 weeks ago when I was so bad off. Then emailed me after our last session asking me to please stay in contact with him as I processsed things in my mind and heart during the week. He emailed me with a surprise opening on our normal session day. We hadn't scheduled one for that week because I was originally going to be out of town. All that to say that he is obviously concerned.....but somehow that contract thing just raised a bunch of questions for me. I am so afraid of what he is going to do with what I told him.

Maybe I'll have the guts to tell him what I am thinking about it.....i.e. what is his true motivation.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

Ok Iam - I'm just gonna be straight up with you here yeah?

Who gives a s*it what his true motivation is? I think the more pressing issue here is whether or not you are about to kill yourself? Do you not see that you are the concern in this issue? And I say this with respect and caring btw.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

And I just want to reitterate to you here Iam - it's not a legal contract. It has absolutely nothing to do with 'protection' for the T. Darling, YOU are the issue in this equation. You sign it, it makes it REAL. Gosh, trying to think of a metaphor that might help in any way.

Ok, a teddy bear - what's a teddy bear ~really~? Some fabric full of stuffing. But not to the person who has owned it since they were a little kid. It's comfort. It's huggable. It's even got a NAME. And I think a suicide contract is a bit like that. It's a piece of paper. It's not even legally enforcable. It's something you grab a hold of in a time of deep distress. Just like you would grab a teddy bear when you were a kid for comfort. And if you ever feel that you could go that far, then you pull the contract out and you remember one day you ~promised~ yourself that you would do yourself no harm. Because you wouldn't harm another would ya? Well my dear - YOU are a person too. So it's not ok to harm yourself.

xxx

 

[Iam]

Thanks Jen.....No, I am not about to kill myself right now even though yes the thought is in my mind and yes I have the means and a plan. I know it sounds strange and maybe even stupid, but knowing I have an out is the teddy bear for me. Somehow it is comforting to know that I have that ultimate control of my life. To promise by signing the contract would take that away, even though I know it is not enforcible. My word is my honour.

Yes, the motivation on the part of my T is important to me. If it is strictly for his own self protection, which is fine, I need to know that. What ever his motivation is, is fine with me. I just want to know his true thoughts so that I can trust him. I need to know that he is not going to break my confidentiallity by telling my dr. or my husband what I have shared with him. I couldn't sleep last night for worrying about that. Like most of us here I don't trust easily, so sharing my raw feelings with him has caused great anxiety. I know that I fear betrayal, I didn't think I feared abandonment anymore, but here it is....I guess I do.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

You know what - I find that ironic. Because you just said you fear abandonment.

Do you know what suicide is to me? The ULTIMATE in abandoning yourself! Stop worrying about all these other people in the world who may or may not choose to abandon you. You talk about 'control'. The only person you have real control over is you. And yet, here you are, with a nice little plan to abandon yourself.

I'm not trying to hassle you or anything! Even a month ago, I couldn't have replied to this thread. But here it is hey - here's the truth. Doctors lose patients every day! If your T could not take the FACT that some people who walk into his office wont be saved and will in fact kill themselves, where would that leave the rest of us? Because ~nobody~ would take the job. I can assure you he is doing it for YOU. It's a job. And if he does get some kind of satisfaction when somebody leaves and they're better - so what? And if he gets some kind of sense of sadness when somebody doesn't make it - so what?

How is that different to any other job? Unless you like going to work and doing a crap job of it I'm guessing he's not much different to the rest of us in that sense. Doctors lose patients every day darlin. Where would that leave the rest of us if nobody would take the job because of that?

I can't believe I'm replying to this thread without completely losing my mind. Guess my T is doing a GREAT job!

You want ~real control~ then sign the contract! As long as you're alive you have complete control over YOU. He's asking you to sign the contract to say you have control. Not to give it up.

 

[Tinyflame]

Superjen, not to disagree but I think the 'intent', re: suicide is to abandon/ remove yourself, so to speak; it's the presence of others (for example, one's children) that is frequently what compells people to do everything in their power not to (at those times).

Or at least to say, at those times "caring for yourself" hardly seems a motivator.
-JMHO, you make good points.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

I'm not gonna have a go at you Junebug - because you obviously don't know the circumstances of my trauma. Appreciate your input. Don't mean to be at all rude. Iam - I hope you stay well and in control and healthy. I'm sorry, but I have to leave this thread. I hope I've helped in some way.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sorry superjen, no offence or harm intended.
:(