Nobody Cares

[DMerish]

Yep! You are absolutley f**cking right! It is a toxic poison!

 

[WillyKat]

Anna,

I have similar feelings quite often. I've seen many, many posts from many forum members with similar thoughts.

My therapist and I worked on this a lot. It seems to come hand in hand with feeling like I don't belong here, or that I don't belong now (as in this period in history) or maybe both. We spoke a lot about finding a tribe, about letting go of those parts of this sick, messed up culture and bonding with like-minded people.

I believe that this is the reason so many people "drop out", join a sub-culture or whatever. Or I guess you could say the drop in to something healthier.

It ain't easy. We've spent our entire lives trying to understand this culture and trying to fit in. Then we finally come to truly understand what a mess it is and feel lost.

I guess I'm saying that the answer is not to give up on humanity altogether, but to simultaneously sever unhealthy connections and build new healthy ones.

Yeah, I know. It sounds easy, but it really isn't. This forum I think is a start.

George Carlin used to say: "Oh, I'm not crazy. *They* are."

 

[nomedic1]

Anna I had similar thoughts at one stage, it's is soul destroying , but someone on this sight showed me that people do care, even to the point of helping me, while they were triggering

 

[Flyaway]

I am a really bad person though. Deep down I am sick. I make myself so sick.

There's a couple of things i want to say about this...

Truly bad people are incapable of recognising that there is anything wrong with them, they live blaming everyone else around them. I think you're just normal-bad, but OBVIOUSLY have a good heart.

"If you throw enough sh*t at a wall, some of it is sure to stick". I have to remind myself of this when I'm feeling like a bad/worthless person... It's not mine, or your fault we feel like crap at times- it's just because we live in a world full of pooheads who enjoy throwing poo around.

One of the ways that abusive people can count on being successful is if they can convince good, kindhearted people that they are bad, devalued, worthless. It gives them permission to abuse. You don't have to hold onto their lies! See the lies for what they are and tell them where to go!

Just had a great idea!!! Something that might help... Write all the lies circling in your head on toilet paper, scrunch it up and flush it! That's where the abuser's poo belongs. I'm going to take my own advice and do it too... Hope this helps!

 

[Anna]

Flyaway-Just had a great idea!!! Something that might help... Write all the lies circling in your head on toilet paper, scrunch it up and flush it! That's where the abuser's poo belongs. I'm going to take my own advice and do it too... Hope this helps!

Great Idea. That is the best thing I have heard for ages! :) I am going to try that!

 

[Anna]

Anna,
I believe that this is the reason so many people "drop out", join a sub-culture or whatever. Or I guess you could say the drop in to something healthier. "

Yes. I was in a subculture for almost a decade because of this. When I came out of it, I was so used to people getting out my way I was bumping into them all the time! I was so used to them crossing the road to avoid me or moving. Noone dared bump into me then. Do it all the time now though.

 

[Flyaway]

Lol ;) glad you liked my idea. I was brutally honest when I wrote down all my crap thoughts - it felt SO good to flush it and tell the abuser's (even though they couldn't hear...) where they could shove their crap.

 

[Philippa]

I've been so feeling the sentiment behind this thread lately. Wishing I could be cold, like an ice maiden, wishing I knew how to be an asshole without caring about it...but obviously not wanting to be that way at the same time. Lamenting the predicament of being 'nice'. It's a logical, rational sane conclusion to be a nice person, and yet the rest of the world gives us the message that this is somehow not an appealing thing to be.

Oh, and right there with ya in regards to growing your leg and under arm hairs as protest. I have shaved mine sporadically over the last 25 years, but for the most part they have been a part of my every day life, and even saved me from being raped one time on a train by a gang of hoodlums. People are so repelled by body hair on women...it was a clever plot to keep them away when I was a young girl. For my work these days, I'm expected to shave though...but I don't always. As long as I wear deoderant and don't shove my arm pits in their faces they have nothing to complain about.

I like that I can come here and it's a collective place for the nice people to gather...or at least the ones who strive to be different to the rest of the world. There's something wonderful about that.

 

[WillyKat]

About three years ago, I actually tried to be more of an asshole, figuring that maybe I wouldn't be walked on so much. It backfired. I still got walked on and in addition, treated like the asshole I was trying to be.

There's a lesson here: (a) being an asshole doesn't work and (b) that its best to work on ways to not get walked on. I felt like I was heading for being a bitter and lonely old person where my only entertainment was scaring children when they came to to door for Halloween.

 

[Anna]

I've been so feeling the sentiment behind this thread lately. Wishing I could be cold, like an ice maiden, wishing I knew how to be an asshole without caring about it...but obviously not wanting to be that way at the same time.

I don't know if it is a good thing. I have become this. One person looked shocked when they apologised to me for their behaviour saying that they were not talking and laughing about me, rather just make jokes about... whatever.

I just turned and said "I don't care" when they said yes but I am not talking about you. I repeated "Yes but I would not care if you did"

It is like I have turned completly numb.

But why an asshole?

I do not behave like one. I am polite, I am friendly, I just have switched off my emotions and do not care if people talk about me behind my back. I just chill out and try not to blow my fuse.

I just let things that are peripheral wash over me. I care about the important people- My family.
Setting priorities, but not caring what others think of you has given me a sense of freedom.

 

[Philippa]

I'm all for that. I don't think not caring what people think makes you an asshole. It makes you strong if anything.