Not fired yet

[PiggyBack]

I'm fishing for ideas. I've been PTSD'ing badly for the last year and it has really affected by work relationships badly. Looking back, I hardly recognize myself as I was argumentative and, well, difficult. I found a new medication and I've been sleeping like a baby for 3 months where I could barely drag myself to work. Just as I was catching up on sleep, feeling refreshed, and, well, myself. My work position was eliminated and put on 6 week administrative leave after which I'll be terminated.

I can see this from their perspective as I was hardly living up to my employment obligations. In hindsight, I should have taken a medical leave of absence, but I lack self-awareness of how bad it was.

Question: Anything that I can do at this point? Technically, I'm on leave for another 4 weeks.

 

[barefoot]

What do you mean that your work position was “eliminated”. Is it that your role now ceases to exist (so this is a redundancy)? Or that you have been dismissed and they will be replacing you with someone else to fill your role?

If it’s a redundancy, I can’t see there’s really anything you can do as it’s the role that is no longer required, regardless of who is filling the role.

If you’re being fired, what reason did they give you for this? Had they already communicated to you that things weren’t good (ie did they engage you in a process whereby you were given the opportunity to put things right?)

Would you like to stay there? Or is this now an opportunity for a fresh start somewhere else, especially if you are feeling in a better place than you had been?

 

[PiggyBack]

It was framed as a redundancy, but it's pretty obvious they are letting me go.

I think you're right. Learn from my mistakes and move on.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hmm well they should be pleased with how well you are taking them letting you go. (Just a thought) Seems like you had better get your resume up to speed ..and make sure you use the word "redundancy" in it since your soon to be former employers are....and start looking while you still have a financial stream then?

 

[PiggyBack]

Thanks. It's just not worth the effort to cry over spilled milk. I feel stupid, but that was a very different person. I'll just roll forward, but be extra careful to avoid a repeat performance.

Has anybody had luck with declaring a disability. I mean if I'm being an a-hole, I should be fired, but maybe my manager or myself (if aware) could take me aside and tell me to get on a medical leave. It's not my fault, but it is definitely my responsibility. How do I be more responsible?

I have all the classic signs of PTSD and I've been dx'd with it on multiple occasions, but I've also been fighting auto-immune issues for years. No I'm on a micro dose of Lamotrigine 25mg, and all my problems have seemingly melted away. I sleep, dream pleasant things, and my personality has turned super nice and friendly. My memory is returning. I'm 50+ and this has been an issue my entire life. It's weird, but I'm grateful.

Anyways, job search is going. I had a 4 minute phone call and ended up with 5 voice mails. I'm getting plenty of action.

 

[barefoot]

Go easy on yourself. It’s not that you’ve been stupid. It’s that you’ve been struggling with PTSD symptoms.

Do you feel able to work at the moment?

If not, what do you think would help?

Landing another job and then repeating the same cycle there would a pity. What do you think would help you to avoid getting into those same behaviours and then possibly ending up being dismissed again? Or do you feel that you have moved past that and are in a much stronger place with that now?

I can’t help with your disability question, I’m afraid - I haven’t done that and don’t know how that might work. I’m sure I’ve seen people post about their experiences with applying for disability here though, so it may be worth a quick search?

 

[PiggyBack]

Go easy on yourself. It’s not that you’ve been stupid. It’s that you’ve been struggling with P...

Well, that's the irony of getting laid off/fired now: I'm so, so much better. I've been literally dragging myself out of bed for months to go to work because I was so tired and exhausted, but I'm feeling fine right now.

I mean, I really wish I wasn't having to do this, but I have responsibilities. I can't retire, so off to work I go.

 

[barefoot]

If you’re feeling fine now, this may be a good opportunity to start afresh somewhere and put your best foot forward. May turn out to be a gift!

Perhaps worth thinking about what you might do differently if you have a downward turn again enforce you start somewhere new though? A bit of forward planning, just in case. Especially around how you will recognise when things are taking a turn and at what point you should take some action (eg speak to someone at work, see a doctor, take some sick leave)

Or maybe worth thinking about whether there are certain elements of work that will help you to stay in a good place. Eg, flexible hours or part time or something about the working environment (I hate large open plan offices, for instance) to make it more manageable and to support you in staying symptom free.

Good luck with the job search. Hope you find something that’s a good fit for you!

 

[blackemerald1]

I'm pleased the meds are working @PiggyBack but I am a little surprised how extremely well you say they are working. You mention that your personality has changed, sleeping, all things good... actually whatever the meds are they are doing a great job. How long have you been on them and have you been told that this is the dosage you will be staying on? What happens when you must plant the feet on the ground, deal with work stressors... additional to the PTSD?

I agree with @barefoot - take it easy, plan your next work stage carefully. Obviously you are skilled if you are getting return calls with offers. So maybe you can call the shots a little for your own welfare. Have a contingency plan..someone you trust a lot who knows your pre med behaviour and now the new behaviour who can tell you if you are going off beam. Do you have a psycdoc you are going to be seeing regularly for supervision? Are you in therapy? I don't want to say it because I don't want it to happen to you, but sometimes the drugs don't work no more...or you have to go up in dosage to keep the therapeutic benefits kicking along and then mildly irritable side effects become madly irritating - just depends on you individually so I am only speculating. You need a plan if things go wrong hey?

I'm sorry I cannot help you with disability information either but I imagine you could do a search online in relation to your Government's services for this. That's where I would start but I don't know really.

 

[PiggyBack]

Yeah, I'm "atypical" when it comes to meds and such. Or, so a neurologist told me. I suspect that I have an auto-immune problem of some sort as a vegan diet and meds that control auto-immune can help me greatly. Or, maybe, it's just a straight up sleep issue which has caused my immune system to go a little wacky. There's definitely a feedback loop in there. Lack of nourishing sleep leads to auto-immune problems which in turn leads to more sleep issues. However, the start of this round of troubles was triggered by going off an auto-immune drug that was causing blindness which wasn't a price I was willing to pay. Within days, my PTSD symptoms all returned with a vengence.

Anyway, I found a new job, in a new city, with a brand new environment. I was drinking too much to self-medicate and I'm hoping the fresh start will lead to better, healthier habits. And, then I'm off to AA if I still insist on drinking. I'm still sleeping much more than normal, but I'm starting to feel like I'm catching up. Just need to work the gym into my schedule, but I'm certainly getting plenty of exercise with the move.

Work is going well. I can't say that I've been stressed yet, but it's a good group of people and so far, all is well. They require skills that mesh well with my current skill set, so no retooling needed.

I'm completely confused as to why the med would work so well for me and at such a low dose. However, it is prescribed for people with bipolar, BPD, and migraines. I sort of dabble in that area, especially the BPD and migraines, but I've never been severe enough to warrant a diagnosis.