Not Good Enough For My Daughter

[Leah123]

Right, Pencil, my daughter goes on and on too. It's REALLY hard. I try, so hard. For every time I yell at her, there are 100 that I bite my tongue, do the right thing. :(

I just spent 15 minutes meditating. I'm going to meditate, every morning, when I wake up. I used to, and liked it. Gave it up. But this morning, the more self-aware I became, the more uncomfortable I was. Everything hurts. I am a huge knot, and all my muscles are either in pain or numb. I see how truly upset I am. It's 2% easier to have some compassion, seeing how I feel. My life is very stressful. I have to try and be proactive enough, maybe meditation will help, to buy 10 seconds. I only need 10 seconds. If I could have those, I could take one deep breath, and a few steps away.

 

[Pencil]

How old is she? Mine is 7. She is sunny and cute and bright, and generally happy. But OMG she can whine!! And argue!! And backchat!!

 

[Pencil]

And all of that is normal. And yet I've said such damaging things to her.

 

[Leah123]

Pencil, my daughter's 7 too, almost eight. Every single thing you said is just like her. I love her to death, and she drives me more insane than anything in the universe. She's so smart, so volatile, so energetic.

 

[Pencil]

I love her to death, and she drives me more insane than anything in the universe.

:roflmao:

Totally!!! I have the BEST intentions, every day of my life. But somehow, after a while, my nerves feel raw. She is an extrovert, and wants to be plugged into me 24/7, and although I LOVE it, I need to disengage. She doesn't understand, and then pursues me - verbally, emotionally, physically, until I feel stalked and harassed, and desperate and helpless and overwhelmed and ... and ... and then she becomes angry - and we're off!!

If only I could make her understand that I just need to switch off for 10 minutes, and that it doesn't mean that I don't love her, or want her around - I just need to decompress.

MY most intense longing in this life is for an isolation tank - in the middle of the lounge!!

 

[Leah123]

Oh my goodness, Pencil, I feel like.... you're in my head, speaking my thoughts, hahahaha. That's EXACTLY how I feel- she's relentless, always needs me, always wanting me, more than I feel I can give. I do try, I'm always going outside my comfort zone for her- I'd do ANYTHING for her, but it's so hard.

I'm wanting to not feel like switching off so much. I'm full, most of the time, already full with stress. I'm trying to empty out, so I can enjoy and be with her more.

 

[Pencil]

And it seems you are in my head: from intense therapy to bringing up baby :D And being overextended, and ....

We'll have to find a solution!! (We'll have to ask Anthony to start a forum for the kids where they can communicate - imagine if they get on our nerves we can talk and they can share experiences and give each other advice on how not to set us off. Okay, just kidding. )

Leah, every single day of my life I vow to do better, and every single day of my life there is something I'm NOT proud of. It's not always dramatic, it's often just not good enough.

 

[Leah123]

Leah, every single day of my life I vow to do better, and every single day of my life there is something I'm NOT proud of. It's not always dramatic, it's often just not good enough.

I am just like that too. I do like to think I'm a good enough mother, when I feel more objective. There are a million things I do for her, love her, support her, give her time, provide for her, but.... I don't feel it. In my heart, in my anger, I hate myself. I'm doing something, right now, which feels very pathetic. I'm listening to Mr. Rogers, on YouTube. Do you know who that is? I know you're in South Africa. But.... I just wanted to hear a kind voice, because I don't have one. I think I need that radical acceptance Abstract talked about, because maybe I'd handle everything better if I could be a little kind to myself.

 

[Pencil]

Stop copying me! :D

Okay, no, I wasn't listening to Mr Rogers, but our issues are eerily similar. Will be back later. This is an incredibly important discussion to me!!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

We can change our automatic responses with practice.

I agree with this. There is hope Leah.

Best wishes.

 

[Leah123]

I'm having a hard week (I must sound like a broken record, ha) and feel so stressed out again, afraid to go off the deep end. So, I wanted to thank you all for your ideas. I just slapped together a mini coping box, wrote my therapist an email, and I've been trying super hard to be mindful, so.... here I am, posting, and hopefully buying me enough awareness to manage my temper today. *10 seconds, 10 seconds, 10 seconds* that's my mantra of the moment... if I can just keep presence of mind for a few seconds when I'm about to explode and just go in the other direction.... I could call that a success!

 

[Abstract]

Real success! Good for you.