General Not Ready To Give Up Guilt?

[MontanaJem]

I haven't been to the forum much but would like to ask a question.

My boyfriend of 17 months is a long-term (20+ years) sufferer of PTSD and is now undergoing EMDR therapy. He's had two sessions and his therapist feels he is making a lot of progress but doesn't know if he's ready to give up his survivor's guilt.

He's wondering how he will know that. I pointed him at this forum and hope he will join to have more support.

I'm wondering if anybody else has experience with this particular problem and has any suggestions. Or any suggestions to help him with the eyestrain he suffers the day of therapy and the day after.

Thanks for any help,
Jem

 

[CCurry]

Hi MontanaJem,

I think this is a common thing. My bf has just started therapy and over these last few days I can see (and he can see) that he is starting to make some progress. Yippee. On the negative side he has warned me the last time he was through this therapy he has tried to sabotage his progress......it's like his ptsd just grabs a hold of him and sucks him back in.

In fact, since he's not "officially" retired from the army, he did just last week get in charge of his boss (US General) about doing something during the holidays. When he told me that, I told him to stop and recognize that this is sabotaging himself. Another case of not wanting to give up his guilt.

I don't know a lot of EMDR, my bf is doing CBT and instead of EMDR another energy modality EFT which he is excited about it because he has never done this type of therapy in the past.

Good luck, I'll be following his story.
CC.

 

[growingpains]

I am struggling with survivor's guilt. Personally, I need to find balance between the logical side of my brain and my emotional memories of what has happened. Even though it might seem strange I need to remind myself that people are born in life and they die--that is how it works. You never know when/if/how you will go but it is inevitable. If you live, if you survive, then that is just a fact. You are alive. If you cannot help the fact that you are alive and someone else is not then logically it does not help to live your life in memory of someone else who would probably be enjoying life if not for a traumatic event. I try to live life to the fullest in memory of those I have known who have been close to me and are not living anymore. I try to imagine them as I remember them when they were alive saying to me--"let go, you are alive". I know it is strange but it is a type of self-therapy I use to come over the guilt. I hope this can help in some way. Survivors guilt is tough to overcome. Patience is the key. Good luck!

 

[eyebiter]

Very well put growingpains.

I had a conversation the other day with a friend and corrected them. "If i die" to you will die it is just not known when

 

[MontanaJem]

Thank you everybody for your replies. :smile:

GP - I will point him at your reply since he has recently joined me here. :occasion: He is nervous (big surprise, huh?) but so far is liking it, reading to get comfortable, and has posted some advice already. :smile:

Jem

 

[Pam]

My C suffers from guilt to this day because he was the one that sent the young man into the ship's belly to repair something and then the tiny space he was in caught on fire. He burned to death and then C had to extract the body. He has nightmares every night. And it has been that way since 1968. The terrors are less now than when we first spent the night together 5 years ago. He is on meds for night terrors (he is on meds for lots of things) and goes to therapy once a month. He stopped hunting and fishing and can't even set a mouse trap out anymore.

As he is getting older, and other health issues have moved to the front burner, this particular issue has lessened. I think for my C, the thing that helped him was to accept his feelings and learn to live with the guilt (even though it wasn't his fault and by any standard, he shouldn't feel guilty) instead of trying to argue himself out of feeling that way. It seemed to allow him to move on by walking through it instead of around it.

 

[MontanaJem]

Thanks Pam for your reply. :smile:

Kaddy has told me about some of the things that caused his PTSD but not everything and not a lot of details, which is fine. I know he is sharing what he feels comfortable sharing and as time goes on, he tells me a little more.

He has nightmares too and has told me what they are about. I don't want to say too much unless I ask him how much he's comfortable with me sharing as he hasn't shared specifics on the forum yet.

His survivor's guilt is something that's come up in our conversation since he started therapy, although I suspected it was always there based on what he has told me.

I'm glad I found this forum (and that he joined) to get other people's perspectives and read about their experiences - it certainly helps!

Jem

 

[OMNICELL]

"He's wondering how he will know that. I pointed him at this forum and hope he will join to have more support."

This was very good.. That your this accurate, to point him in this direction...100 hats off to you..

The key to PTSD survival is understanding and exceptance... Its not about any specific thing going away.. Its about learning to live a new life anyway... and getting lots of support, ITs about having a God to ask these questions to, and getting some new purpose in life and direction.

Its about a general understanding of the way the world really is, and that altho I didn't get out without damage. Im still breathing.. and that is better then allot of people.

When I get a relationship with God. God gives me new directions and instructions.. and if those instructions are to concentrate on getting a life. That is what I learn to do. regardless of what is going on in my head. So, in the end I get a life out of this experience.

Glad your here...

 

[MontanaJem]

Thanks OMNICELL. :smile:

Although I've had trauma in my life and can identify with some of the behaviors resulting from PTSD (because I do them myself), I cannot relate because I have not been through what HE has been through and I have learned that PTSD sufferers need to discuss things with people who can specifically relate to experiences and symptoms.

Since he does not have access to group therapy, I thought this would be a great place for him to find people that CAN relate. I knew that while I could support him and somewhat understand, I cannot and should not be the only one. I hope that him being here and relating with other PTSD sufferers will enhance his therapy.

Jem