Not Relationship Material In Any Sense Of The Word

[Sick of Fear]

I misunderstood SoL's original post the same way you did, Eleanor. The words "normal" and "perfect" are nonexistent standards in which society (for whatever reason) sets knowing damned well not one single person will fill the mold. Kind of a cruel joke in my opinion.

As long as people are happy and not hurting anyone, they should tell people accusing their lifestyle choices as being abnormal to piss off and see what makes them so unhappy about their own lives that makes them feel as though they need to try and point fingers at the lives of others.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Geezus, Kas, do you live in my head?!? It's freaky how I could have written much of what you said.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Maybe I do, the real question is do you live in mine, because I have seem to have many living in there sometimes and it's hard to keep track :P

On a serious note, thanks though SoL (are you in the UK?), I hope you feel a bit more at ease, this was a good thread, interesting to me and before I commented (not full of my self at all), I felt that the results had massively overlooked what you'd said in some way.

Eleanor, I understand you this time. I like to keep an unbiased (well I try at least), rational and understanding view point on life in general. Taking into consideration the little I know about psychology, sociology, anthropology and politics. Its a messy world out there and everyone has some problems if only everyone else could realise that the world would be a nicer place.

 

[Eleanor]

Amen to that, Kas. Amen to that.

 

[Sick of Fear]

Maybe just to know that I can be ok by myself.

This is the main point of the original post, I get that now. I apologize for overlooking that initially and for misunderstanding. Please don't think I was trying to tell you that you were wrong for choosing to be by yourself because it was unclear to me from the first postings that that's what you were getting at. Anyway, I'll just shut up now. I just feel bad and I'm sorry.

 

[Philippa]

I really loved what you said in your #23 post kas. I feel so much the same way, and have felt comfortable for years without friends, or without casual sex or a relationship. I feel like when other people try and set you up on dates or think they are doing the right thing for you, without even asking if that is what you want, it is more about them not feeling comfortable to see you enjoying freedom that they do not have.

Lately I have been feeling a bit sick of being alone, because I have been this way for many years now, and I feel like I've done it to death, and have now found quality friends, which I was holding out for. A part of me does have a feeling of "who would want to be with me" at times, and I also related to what rainy daze was saying earlier about how you pretended that you didn't have PTSD and therefore you didn't. I think I have done that for years now. I had such a hard time coming to terms with accepting this diagnosis. I'm really not even sure if I really am doing as well as I think or if my conning myself has actually worked so well that I no longer recognize that I am still unwell?

So, I guess I am saying that at certain times you can be so clearly ok with being on your own, and not needing a relationship, and other times that inner dialogue can come along and bite you hard. I guess it is a matter of distinguishing which place you are coming from at any given moment.

Scared of Lonely, I hope you are no longer feeling attacked. I know that it can seem that way online, especially if you are feeling a bit vulnerable or exposed, but most people here are consistently civil and go out of their way to be helpful without being aggressive about it. We are all here to get well and offer comforting words, support and sometimes challenges via blunt honesty. Its' usually never coming from a desire to attack I've noticed. It can feel that way at times though.

 

[MoodElevator]

Scared, I totally feel that same way a lot of the time. Granted it doesn't stop me wanting (a) relationship(s), romantic or otherwise. But it certainly has blocked me on many occasions from moving forward. You aren't alone. I feel like king midas too!

 

[Nicolette]

Oh blah. I shouldn't have posted. Please, don't feel the need to reply further, anyone.

This thread is not productive and I feel very attacked by the last comment. Please, no more responses. I feel guilty enough and talking about this is just making me feel worse. Again, my fault. Peace out.

I'm going to say what I am sure others dare not say or may not even realise....... there is a very destructive pattern here and what is the most disappointing is members apologise for their comments as there is manipulation in your answers...

Goodbye, forum.

You have no intention of leaving if you can manage to manipulate others to say sorry for their comments pandering to your need of reinforcing your negative thinking patterns.

because that's all I was looking for; someone to tell me that it's ok to be ok by myself.

And this is supported by

No offense to anyone else, but the other responses reinforced the notion that my thinking is wrong; my feelings are wrong; that I am damaged because I like to be by myself.

SOL you are actually quite predicable and your own worst enemy. Members put in time and effort to lift your spirits, help you see where your thinking could do with some work and the reward they get is a guilt trip from you as they didn't say what you wanted to hear - so you can stay stuck in your unhealthy patterns by them backing down so you feel okay.

In my opinion you do need help, you won't take it and the next part in your predicable pattern is you will now get angry, blame it on my post as it challenges you, cause mayhem on the forum by throwing a negativity tantrum and get yourself temp banned. It's actually tiresome!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Actually, no, I wasn't looking for an apology from anyone!

I had one person tell me that it's ok to be me, and that's all I was looking for. Someone to say "hey, Yanno, it's ok to be ok by yourself".

I think it's really sad that you don't think people can change.

 

[anthony]

I hope for your own sake SOL, that you have. You've only been back a week, and well... already began following your existing usage pattern of the forum, which is why I think staff have good reason to be sceptical.

Prove us all wrong please... I honestly hope you do, because I want to see people recover here, not continue a self destructive pattern.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Going entirely on what I read the first time I looked at this page and nothing from any other messages on this forum, I saw in that SoL's posts someone crying out, who was desperate and confused and above everything else was hurt, I saw the misreading in peoples posts and thought ouch, that seems harsh. I don't know if it was the wording or the fact that everyone, however kind seemed to completely miss the point (from my perspective), the responses, to me seemed upsetting. When SoL didn't get the response/validation in his/her feelings, s/he got defensive, and yeah - maybe a bit sulky, but because s/he was hurt - no offense meant SoL.

Again this is entirely from my point of view and I understand that no tone of voice can be put across in these messages, so maybe what I misread was incorrect, but it would appear (and I hope to not be to presumptuous), that SoL misread them too, in much the same way I did. Seeing as it was s/he that posted the question and the distress in his/her text patterns throughout, I wanted to help him/her and put his/her mind at rest, with what seemed a fair and rational response.

(Sorry about the gender confusion, if it was mentioned, I have forgotten!)

P.S I would like to point out I'm not arguing or picking a fight with anyone, merely pointing out I have observed and my personal feelings in the matter. I have no quibble with anyone here.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Except that the sea in Anthony's profile picture isn't perfectly horizontal :eek: ... **just don't look at it, just don't look at it - ok I'm staring at it - woah the worlds falling over**