Not Relationship Material In Any Sense Of The Word

[Nicolette]

Ummmm.. Kas_Can_Fly, the world is round :p:roflmao:

 

[Pencil]

I'm not arguing or picking a fight with anyone, merely pointing out I have observed and my personal feelings in the matter. I have no quibble with anyone here.

With this I absolutely agree, but what I observed was the exact opposite.

Now what? :)

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

You think I was picking a fight/quibbling? Sorry.

Now what? You win, I don't want to fight.

 

[Pencil]

No, Kas, I don't think you were picking a fight. I was trying to say that based on the same texts we observed different things, and responded differently. The 'now what' was really more of a invitation for 'let's hear it' or 'shut up' from you, Nicolette or Anthony, it was requesting permission to speak, like 'may I approach the bench', and so on.

This seems to be a very touchy thread. I'm also going to back off. It must be full moon.

 

[Nicolette]

I guess it comes back to - if you post it and put it out there, you then have to accept all responses and interpretation. If a response seems harsh ask for clarification to ensure your interpretation was the one intended.

As for Pencil's post above, it does sound like Kas is defending SOL, but like she said she is basing her opinion on this thread alone. It's like when you respond to someone for the first time & they are seeking empathy and you give it. Once you get to know them better, your reaction to the same situation may change if you actually identify it is repetitive self destructive behaviour.

You can't share your thoughts and expect everyone to agree but if it continually walks like a duck, sounds like a duck and looks like a duck it would be wrong not to presume it is a duck.

Like Anthony, I do hope SOL does prove us wrong, for her own sake above anyone else's.

 

[Pencil]

You think I was picking a fight/quibbling? Sorry.

Kas, I see where the confusion happened: When I said 'what I observed was the exact opposite' it could have referred to what you were saying, or to what you were observing - my statement is therefore ambivalent. My apologies - I can see how it must have come across. And because I really don't like arguments, I came back to check.

This is a very apologetic thread :D

Must be full moon.

 

[Philippa]

I see a lot of my own behavior in this thread, from the past. It is very hard for people online to know what we need sometimes, if we don't spell it out for them. People aren't mind readers, and I would react in the same way when I would start a thread for the purpose of feeling better, or feeling good again if I was in pain or whatever was going on for me at the time. Words on a screen can be like pins sticking into you when you are feeling very vulnerable and in pain. It's not fun at all.

Some people would be keenly attuned to me and give me helpful responses, and others would not be so helpful in their response. I often did not handle it very well, and often lashed out at strangers who were, in their own way, trying to help me but doing a crap job at it. It's the risk you take when you put yourself out there on a public forum, so it is important to step away for a moment and, as anthony said, if you are unsure or think someone is attacking you, ask for clarification before reacting. It makes things so much smoother.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

That's no problem Pencil. I didn't know if I had done something wrong. Please don't worry. You've been so helpful to me on other posts, that I realised it was probably a misunderstanding. Everyone here is helpful so we should do something akin to a safe group hug and move on. xx

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I apologize that my actions appeared to be something other than someone simply looking for an indication that Shes not alone. I thought this was clearly stated in the last line of my original post, however it apparently was not as a number of people have stated that this was not the case.

I think it's sad that people are so quick to judge your current actions based on your past; that cliches are thrown around as "proof" that someone is unchanged simply based on a perception that was jumped on too quickly. I may have a quick tongue, but it's out and by the next day I'm over it. Yesterday belongs to yesterday. I wish more people felt the same but that's a part of the disorder, isn't it?

 

[saffy]

Hi Scaredoflonely,

Sometime I think there are a lot of pressure for people thinking they have to be in a relationship. For me I felt deep sense of loneliness sometimes. But in a way I also have no idea of what I want. Is it like that for you?

I also recognised from your first post that you could be feeling really hurt and scared at the moment. I was sad to see though that there is so much responsibility on your shoulders.

I never really new what I wanted and bumbled away getting attached to the wrong men and finding myself showing signs of PTSD after I had totally wound myself up about something. Inevitably the man left due to some pushing away and some frightening away.

I had to really figure out what I wanted in the end so that I could set my own standards. I also figured out that I felt pressured into thinking I had to be in a relationship. I had no idea of what to do anyway, so until I learn what I expect from a relationship and what type of person I wanted I felt it safer to remain alone. There is no crime in that at all. No one should be in a relationship for the wrong reasons. I have learnt that now.

I had to do a lot of soul searching and self growth before I felt I was ready and even now I still have to remind myself of my standards and boundaries. I found at least though I had a basis to start from anyway. :)

I never really understood it when they say when you are ready, or if he is the one you will know, but it is becoming clearer now. You will be ready when you know what you want and you will know he is the one because he ticks all your standards ;) Until then remain in your comfort zone but aim to push out of it. :)

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Pencil]

we should do something akin to a safe group hug and move on. xx

I agree, thanks Kas. :hug:

 

[rainy_daze]

I think other people *may* think of me as a friend

and these are the people I was referring too. So maybe you don't consider them as friends because you feel that you can't get past the acquaintance stage for fear of being a burden which in turn would make you feel guilty, but if they consider you a friend, then there must be qualities in you that they see, making you relationship material. I think everyone is to a point.

I guess what I was trying to convey to you was that no one is perfect and that connecting to other people, in whatever way, would propbably help you feel better about yourself.

I see no harm in not being in a romantic relationship, especially if you would rather be ok by yourself. It would never be my intention for my posts to come across as judging someone for their personal choices in regards to their life, so long as people are happy and not hurting themselves and/or others, I try to be supportive to posters as often people are supportive to me. It sounded to me like you were hurting SoL, and so I wish my posts had been a little more clear.

I read your first post as asking forum members if they had ever felt that they were not worthy of a relationship of any kind because of their PTSD. My replies were based on that post. I also then posted out of concern that you had chosen to leave based on the posts that other people had written and were trying to help. If there's any other bits I could explain let me know.

I am glad you came back on to read that people are supporting you.