Sufferer Not Sure What To Say...

[Catherine167]

@Gadgie

He was awesome. My biggest supporter and the person I called when things were going wrong. We have matching tattoos. Coolest grandpa ever.

 

[Catherine167]

@Pixielicious

For real. I can't begin to describe it to people who haven't felt it.

 

[Catherine167]

@Friday

My therapist thinks Grandpa passing was my trigger. I was already extremely stressed and it was just too much for my brain to grasp. I was in a wedding the day after he passed (my cousin on the other side of the family) and I didn't want to ruin her wedding by backing out or letting on how much pain I was in, so all weekend long I had to pretend like nothing was wrong. I got hammered drunk at the reception and as soon as I got home (via a sober DD), I sat down on my bed and just disintegrated. I couldn't pull myself together for hours. Things started getting bad not long after that. I think it was just too much. Now the grief comes and goes, and mostly I just miss him a lot. It's insult to injury because he would have been the one I'd call to help me through this. Now, I'm just left here trying to make it through the day.

Hypervigilance has been a huge problem for me. Is there anything you've found that will calm your nerves?

 

[BlueOrange]

I knew that things started to go wrong, and kept getting worse, after my mother died. I didn't understand why - I didn't have any way to make sense of it.

By the time I got into therapy (years later), I was a complete, unemployed, divorced mess.

It's only 2 hours ago (telling the story) that I connected the dots for the first time - that I understand why my life fell apart without her in it.

If I could go back in time, I would tell myself "Look for people who can offer you an understanding of the world, and work out which ones are helping you live a better life."

Maybe that's advice that might be relevant to you, too.

 

[BlueOrange]

My therapist thinks Grandpa passing was my trigger. I was already extremely stressed and it was ju...

Oh wow, from the worst day of your life & straight into a wedding? What a powerful way to drive the feelings underground! What a powerful way to feel ashamed about feeling bad, when you desperately needed to feel bad :(

Regarding hypervigilance, what works for me is to notice differences. So perhaps "When I'm on guard duty, I need to be vigilant. I'm not on guard duty right now, so I don't have to be vigilant. I can tell that I'm not on guard duty, because I'm not in uniform, I'm in a friendly place, and I'm surrounded by friends." That kind of a thing.

 

[Ronin]

Hello, welcome.

I tend to combine grief & needing to still keep going by shifting into their eyes / what they taught me. So, if my dear person were still with me, what (life affirming, and doing my duty well) thing would they want me to see, & how would they want me to react on it?

That sort of thing: The presence of them, whether real or real just in my mind, won't disappear for a while, so I better use it as supporting the work that needs done, provided I can do it - if I can't and I'm way more falling apart, it's time to take a pause and slow down on everything, before I can recompose, and/or have someone else have my back for everything I can't do, at the time.

 

[Kolten]

I think I'm just recently accepting my diagnosis and was diagnosed 1.5 yrs ago. Again for a 2nd time with new therapist 6mo ago. Hang in there. Ur feelings are valid. U aren't alone. U came to the right place for support.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome! :-)

 

[Catherine167]

@BlueOrange

I definitely need to work on that. I'm so jumpy that someone standing not exactly where I expect them to freaks me out.

I guess the wedding was a lesson in "just because the military teaches us how to suppress our emotions, doesn't mean we should..." lesson learned.

 

[Catherine167]

I think my grandpa would be very worried if he were here. And upset that his loss has derailed me so. But he would tell me to keep going and that there's no shame in what's happening in my head, or in getting help for it. So I'm just holding onto that.

 

[Ronin]

He would be right.

Your reaction is humane, and that is a good thing to be, a thing to be proud of, & the wise people who've loved us see it, wherever they've went to, next.

 

[Catherine167]

I think I'm just recently accepting my diagnosis and was diagnosed 1.5 yrs ago. Again for a 2nd time wit...

Thanks :)