Numb To Human Touch

[Stuck20]

I recently have been trying to live in the moment and be present. My mind is always some where in the past or the future and I realize that I am missing out on life as it happens. In trying to stay in the present, it is overwhelming. My overwhelming thoughts and feelings of past and future are turned into physical sensation overload. It's probably because I've never noticed so much around me and just accepted it as is without being hyper vigilant. I can be present for only short periods of time before my thoughts take over again.

During my living in the moment times, I have noticed that my senses are heightened, including my sense of touch. But when I touch people or they touch me, I am kind of numb. I can tell that there is contact and I can feel warmth and cold more intensely. But I can't feel with such detail as I can with inanimate objects. This applies for even touching hands as well as more intimate contact. I now feel cut off from humanity even more than usual. I'm in that weird place where I crave human contact but there is discomfort with intimacy. I think physical contact and intimacy would help heal me but I can't make a connection to begin with. It also makes me hate myself for not being able to connect with my wife. She doesn't deserve this and I do want to be closer with her.

Has anyone else had this numbness, especially specific to human touch? Has it gotten better for anyone? Is there anything that has helped people?

 

[bell]

I am numb to human touch, too, except for very few people, which is always super weird. Sometimes I think it has to do with me having my guard down, while other times I think it has to do with their own levels of empathy and compassion.

 

[open eyes]

I've also experienced this... It just doesn't feel "real" when I touch people. I just feel the pressure on my skin, but it doesn't feel like I'm touching a real person.

 

[GWhizz]

Have you tried mindfulness to help with being more in the present?

I get where you're coming from. I really crave human touch too. But sometimes I freak at my boyfriend when he touches me or gives me affection, like I'm pushing him away but don't want to. Sometimes I cry over silly things when he touches me. But then others I give out to him for not being affectionate enough - I don't know how/why he puts up with it sometimes but he's very understanding thankfully. Sometimes I feel lots of sensations but others I'm numb too, it's really odd and irritating for me. All I can do is try enjoy the time I have with my partner knowing that he is being loving no matter what. Have you a therapist you can talk to on this more or can you discuss it further with your wife? I wonder how long has it been like this for you and your wife?

 

[Stuck20]

I see a therapist who is very good for me. We have had discussions about how I won't really enjoy my life and live fully in the present until I've processed and re-integrated my past. I'm not sure how long it has been like this for me and my wife. I'm guessing it always has been this way and I didn't know that it might be different until recently.

This is probably a life long problem which makes me fear that it will never improve because I don't know what I should be getting back to. When I was a teenager, my friends would tease me by putting their hand on my shoulder so that would react and yell at them not to touch me. I eventually learned to hug without freaking out. Although I wonder if that's when I turned off my sense to human touch so I could cope with some touching.

 

[GWhizz]

I'm glad you have a therapist to help you deal with this and to see that things need to be processed before you can fully reintegrate and live in the present.

I kept pushing away the idea that my past was messing up my present until a major trigger meant I could no longer deny it. I now realise there are things I've been missing out on / unable to fully enjoy. But I'm getting better the more I work on it.

You made a really good point that maybe you turned off your sense of touch in order to cope. The aim now is to work on accepting that touch can be a positive healing experience and that it's okay to enjoy it with your wife etc.

 

[Justmehere]

Working with animals, grooming dogs and horses has helped me change in regards to how I feel about human touch.

 

[Philippa]

I was in this situation a couple of years ago. Desperate to be touched...needing affection so much that it felt abnormal to go without it for as long as I had and understanding how unhealthy it can be. I forced myself to go and be pro active about this. Maybe having a cat helped? Not sure...but I am better at letting myself be touched, though sometimes I still shy away from it with some people.