Obgyn And Ptsd

[Lonelyone]

I have been putting off getting an OBGYN checkup since forever...I am 31 years old and am scared to death to go. I have always wondered if I was ok down there because even though I can't remember I wonder if I was raped as a kid (I have issues with touch and anything sexual). I was diagnosed with PTSD due to the stuff that happened to me and although my therapist doesn't believe I was raped, I can't help but think that an appointment such as this would bring closure as they would be able to see if there is any scaring...

I am terrified that I will dissociate, start crying, or just have a severe panic attack (or all 3) if I go in (I made an appointment but am thinking of canceling). I have a terrible time with touch...a simple hug sucks if I do t prepare myself for it. I have had sex before but only twice, with the same partner and it didn't feel good so I am guessing I need to go. My questions is, giving my history how do I keep and follow through with the appointment? Should I just cancel and forget about it?

 

[radicalgratitude]

Make sure that you see an OB GYN who has experience with people who have been sexually abused. You might want to see a woman. Ask her to tell you exactly what she is going to do before she does it. Then lay a ground rule that when you say stop, she'll stop. If she has experience, she is already familiar with this. Either bring a friend or have one of the nurses stand next to you. The first time I attempted one of these appointments, they said it is good for someone to hold your hand. I scoffed at the idea. The next time, I decided to try it, and even though it didn't make sense that it would work...since I didn't want to be touched, it did work. I felt safer having someone hold my hand. But you need to do what works for you.

Keep everything on your own terms. I also keep repeating in my head. "It's medical. They are testing me for x, y, and z."

I will pray for you!

 

[PinkSugar]

Amazing strength you have for even making an appointment! Do what you honestly and truly think is best for you (not what others tell you is best).

Good luck!
Emm

 

[a3a2]

I take xanax before my appointments.

 

[Lonelyone]

My therapist suggested Xanax as well. As I am not on any medication and have never take Xanax, I have no idea how it will affect me.

 

[JustBe]

I haven't gone since I got off Xanax and Serax. No plans to go again, Ever.:bag: You are very brave.Good Luck.:tup:

 

[catsandclouds]

Hello, I'm a newbie but wanted to sign up after reading your post.

Much of my trauma has happened within the medical community, and I have done a good deal of work around this (still a lot more to do). Your emotions about going to an OBGYN are certainly valid.

All the tips above are good. Having someone who can act as an advocate for you can also be very helpful, in case you do dissociate of enter a state where it is harder for you to advocate for yourself.

I only see one doctor now, an OBGYN who specializes in trauma and empowering healthcare for women- I see her for my general healthcare as well. Her practice can be found in Ann Arbor, MI and the practice is called WomanSafeHealth. (you can search on google and find website) There are some resources on the website that you may find useful- under resources, there are pocket empowerment guides that help remind you of the different things that you have a right to during an appointment, whatever doctor you see.

Good luck finding a good doctor for you. I recommend casting a wide net when searching as far as location goes. When I first started seeing my Dr I lived an hour away, but it was so worth going that far.

If you find someone you think may be good, you could also schedule a talking appt first to just talk to the doctor about your needs and see if she is a good fit for you. You can ask her to ask your permission before she does each step, rather than telling you, so that you don't feel "done to". Little things like this can make a big difference. There are often big power imbalances between doctor and patient and I really hope to see this change in my lifetime.

 

[Lonelyone]

Catsandclouds, your post is very helpful. I wonder if there is a place like that where I live. I made ended up canceling my appointment because it was just too soon...I am actually thinking that medication may be helpful. I realize I need to go but my anxiety is just through the roof.

 

[rockyspine]

Hi there. This applies to me too. I'm 26 and have never been. I don't think I have anything wrong down there, but we are all supposed to go get checked, right. Mostly for the cancer prevention aspect. I don't personally have any bad associations with medical care except for, well, who likes it really. But it doesn't trigger me. Except for being naked/exposed and someone seeing those parts. That's the part that scares me.

I am on the pill and previously have gotten prescriptions by just going to different clinics and lying saying I had a pap test done before and they shrugged and believed me. I know, bad thing to do but I clearly don't want to get pregnant. Anyway, I now have a regular doctor and she insists I go for one before my prescription comes due in October. I am so scared. There is a few months before then but I am kind of hoping I can just talk my way out of it and not go...

I'm not so much afraid of it hurting. I don't think it would be the most comfortable thing in the world but I know it's a necessary medical procedure and that I'll live and all that, it's just I wish I didn't have to be so exposed. I kind of wish a robot could do it and not a human... Ha.

Well please let us know how it turns out for you. Maybe we can both go and cheer on the other. :)