Odd Stressor-out Of Context

[Silver.]

Yesterday we were out shopping. We drove by my s/o, driving, who was supposed to be working. (Indeed he was working, his job calls that he occasionally has to go out to pick things up. I am very aware and accepting that he has to run out from time to time for his job).
But the whole thing of just seeing him out of place was so odd, it stressed me out, I got that "ick" feeling. I texted him to let him know it was weird, seeing him in a place he "wasn't supposed to be". I guess when I am out and about while he is working, my brain always just pictures him there. He agreed it probably was weird for me, but that he was glad for the opportunity to get out amongst "real people" (his joke he works with zombies).
Does anyone ever get that "weird" feeling when they see people out of the usual context they are used to seeing them in?

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I do. I've learned that my body senses it as a threat to my safety - indirectly, of course, starting with confusion and working backwards. Startled, disoriented, unsettled and agitated.

Sorry, I'm practicing naming my feelings and needs! :)

 

[EveHarrington]

No, I've never experienced this. I have face/location familiarity (as most of us do), but I never get uncomfortable if someone isn't where they are "supposed" to be.

 

[Silver.]

I do. I've learned that my body senses it as a threat to my safety

I don't travel to the town he works in much, because it's a very stressful town for me. That could also be why it was so weird to see him out and about. Here is "so and so" not where I picture him to be, I was glad that he acknowledged how I felt about it. It made me feel better for someone to say, okay I understand you think and feel it's weird.
In a way I am glad that someone else feels this way. Not glad that one would have to feel as such in the situation, but glad that I am not alone in feeling that way. (that probably makes more sense in my head than how I wrote it out)
Thank you x

 

[Deleted member 33052]

It made perfect sense and I expect many people feel this way! The word discombobulated comes to mind.

Your s/o sounds very understanding. :)

 

[Nepheli]

Hi all,
My worst stressor ever that's being torturing me for over ten years is the hitting of the basketball on the concrete, in the adjacent yard of our neigbours where their adolescent sons play whenever they want for over 3 hours daily with short intervals. Weekends and vacations all day long included. Although their parents know that it's illegal because the noise pollution is much higher than 70 decibels, when i complained to them they told me to f**k off.
This plot was once a part of our family huge garden and i used to play there. Well, i never considered my adoptive parents to be a family for me. I was given to them by my real parents who were relatives at the age of 11 and i was terribly emotionally abused by both of them and sexually abused by him. The last started at my 12 (?) and god knows when it finished. I simply don't remember but fragments of sadistic aproach.
This basket ball sound turns me crazy daily. in the beginning i get angry for the lack of respect, then i start panicking, i feel trapped and finally i become depressed. After having been so many years in psychoanalysis as the only available kind of therapy in my country up to ten years ago, i really dont get it. Am i still feeling guilty towards my adoptive mom with whom i havent any kind of relationship for the last 15 years. She was told of my sexual abuse by a close relative, she never believed me and she hates me. Not that i would have maintained any kind òf relationship with that awful woman. However i suspect that this almost rythmic sound kind of warns me for a forthcoming punishment. Not sure though.
Any ideas? Thanks for listening

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@Nepheli. :hug :

That's so sad! May I ask why you feel guilt toward your adoptive mother? It sounds like she deserves your disappointment and anger. You deserved better!

It sounds like the neighbors are a serious problem. Do you think maybe when they start playing, you could listen to music with headphones on to drown out the sound? It sounds more like a stressor than a trigger, but if it's causing you to feel like you have no control, it's a real problem. I'm sure some of the others here will have good advice for you on that issue.

 

[Silver.]

eh?

 

[Gadgie]

This basket ball sound turns me crazy daily. in the beginning i get angry for the lack of respect...

With us, it was the barking dog next door, it just barked all day and night, and he made no effort to stop it at all?

It caused a lot trouble, and drive us totally nuts!!!

In the end,I went round to see him, and it almost ended up in punches, but it turns out he only hits women, and backs down if it's a male that got him by the neck?

 

[Nepheli]

Mal content, hi! Thanks for the hug!
However illogical and ridiculous it might sound, yes.. the 11 year old girl in me still feels guilt because what -against the law- happened to me was a sexual seduction. Never being loved by my psychopath real mother who in the end abandoned me, already feeling the hostility of the foster mother and not having where to reach out i interpreted my abuser's impaired behaviour as ..love. i knew that i was participating in smth dark and secret. I was told by him that i should never tell her and so on. Since my sixteen the subconscious guilt had been overwhelming. I became agoraphobic. I suppose that in a way she knew and for her own reasons she wasn't able to handle it. Lately, I am more communicative, thanks god.
As for the basketball noise, yes, i use all kinds of white noise as it is called e.g music with headphones, rangehoods on, funs...
Anyway that also will pass in the near future.
Hi Gadjie! Dogs barking all the time might be a problem for many people. We ve got two dogs of medium size at home and we have trained them not to bark a lot. Have you talked to the owners?
Thank you both for your answers.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@Nepheli. You were raised/abandoned by people who shouldn't have been permitted to care for a goldfish. You are innocent. Whatever happened, however you reacted, you were a victim. Children have the right to feel loved and valued, and the adults in your life owed you that, at the very least. They are the ones who should feel guilty. You have the right to feel betrayed, hurt, disappointed, enraged...

So, how will the basketball situation be resolved in the near future?

 

[Nepheli]

Mal Content. You made me laugh loud with the goldfish! I m gona use it in my language! Thank you for your encouraging words. I keep reminding these to myself often times. I dont know why my subconscious doesn't get it. Anyway, after my vacation i ll do a research on EMRD practitioners in my city wich happens to be the capital city, thus the chances are more for everything.
As for the basketball situation...well, the second son is graduating from high school in a year. Yes! I pray to god, i do hope that after that he wil leave his family house and live somewhere else, especially if he is accepted in a distant college. His older brother still lives with his parents but he doesn't play anymore. Eversince he was 18 he became schizophrenic. The poor guy spends most of his time in his room. I really am so sorry for him.
That's how i hope one of my problems wii be resolved. Otherwise i ll join the homeless of Athens along with my ptsd, acute anxiety, my two auto immune diseases and the other issues of mine i m not aware of -yet- (lol!)
Thanks for caring Mal. I wish you the best