Sufferer Old Man; Implict And Explicit Complex Ptsd

[bitzer]

I've come to believe it is truly my fault for allowing them to be there.

Blame is abandoning the inner Child; don't blame yourself, be the Positive Parent and soothe the Child.

... when we try to be ourselves it comes out THEM.

I think of the ego as having the Real Self at the core; the part that is now and has always been healthy. Surrounding the Real Self is the False Self, containing all the unhealthy bits. The Real Self is autonomous, flexible and resilient, but the False Self is scripted, rigid and frangible. The Real Self yearns to be in relationship, set goals and achieve things. The False Self re-enacts wounding behaviour, keeps score, and distracts you from what's important. The Real Self exerts a very strong influence, but is often over-powered by the False Self (just like the actual parents narcissistically over-powered the actual child).

I've been through years of therapy, too and the best thing I learned about was boundaries.

When parents have bad boundaries, children lose the sense that they are in control of their own destiny. The child-grown-adult becomes obsessed with being in control of who is in control.

I truly admire your ability to stand face to face with the enemy; to know "they" are primal and powerful and yet your exterior can stand there.

Like I say, I do not feel that I can be with my sisters. They have the power to traumatise me because they have the ability to become my parents. It frustrates me that I haven't yet worked out how NOT to give them that power. I'm a work-in-progress.

HA! That was a sweet victory!

Cherish that!

which makes it almost impossible to receive [love and hugs] ... but love and hugs make me cry tears of regret.

I get that. Just make sure that you accept the love and hugs in the here-and-now before regretting the there-and-then. Hold your nose and swallow that nasty-tasting medicine - love and hugs to you TeddySue.

 

[TeddySue]

1.

Blame is abandoning the inner Child; don't blame yourself, be the Positive Parent and soothe the Child.

For a lifetime I have played out what I was programmed to do or say concerning myself. The inner Child was watching and waiting for the time when she would be validated. That validation has been real for the past 6 years of shear terror that was placed on me by a warped man who made bad choices.

This town found out about him and quickly judged me along side of him. Now, they know better, and it is a huge victory for the inner Child as well as me. I guess what I want is the vindication from the so-called left over cousins who believed ALL the lies my demented so-called parents spewed over years and years. I want to STOP trying to convince them otherwise. I want to claim exoneration on my own merit and be done with it!

2.

The False Self re-enacts wounding behavior, keeps score, and distracts you from what's important.

I agree, and it makes so much sense when I compare it to my past behaviors. Every time I started something big; something I believed in and COULD do, the False-Self pops up its ugly head and starts a dialect with me about how things have gone before and that it is no use trying to do something positive. UGH!

3.

(just like the actual parents narcissistically over-powered the actual child).

NO truer words have been spoken than these! And if I remember correctly, they didn't even have to do anything; it was the lack of support that got the same results.

4.

When parents have bad boundaries

There were no boundaries in the houses I lived in. I was exposed to some really nasty stuff. And yes, I am a control freak after all that stuff invaded my senses at such a young age. Can you explain why?

5.

...I haven't yet worked out how NOT to give them that power. I'm a work-in-progress.

I understand this because I, too, GIVE power to the very ones who are out to defeat me. To me, they are a work of the devil. I KNOW who I am, but yet I relinquish that whenever they have attacked me. If you figure out how NOT to give them that power, please let me know.

6.

love and hugs to you TeddySue.

Is this like the "hair of the dog?"

 

[bitzer]

I am so very sorry that I missed that you had posted.

I guess what I want is the vindication from the so-called left over cousins who believed ALL the lies my demented so-called parents spewed over years and years. I want to STOP trying to convince them otherwise ... If you figure out how NOT to give them that power, please let me know.

Funnily enough, I did some work on this today. I discovered that I had been hanging on to the hope that I would be able to repair the relationship with my sister. Reality check! That ain't gonna happen. So what I did was an NLP technique: I imagined that I was talking to my sister, and then I stepped out of the frame so that I was holding a picture of my sister, and then I made the image black-and-white and grainy, and then I dropped the picture over a cliff and watched it gradually disappear from my sight.

There were no boundaries ... And yes, I am a control freak ... Can you explain why?

A parent with bad boundaries will probably cause the child to lose the sense of being in control of their own destiny. This leads to anxiety and control issues. The Engulfing Parent will either help others whether they like it or not, or persecute other for not allowing themselves to be controlled. The Engulfed Child will either seek to control others whether they like it or not, or be the victim when others get fed up of being "helped". This trauma is the most difficult for the sufferer to get their head around - neglect and abuse are a lot more obvious.

Is this like the "hair of the dog?"

I prefer the nasty medicine analogy.

(((((TeddySue)))))

 

[TeddySue]

I was holding a picture of my sister, and then I made the image black-and-white and grainy, and then I dropped the picture over a cliff and watched it gradually disappear from my sight.

That made me chuckle out-loud! Great idea! I needed that. Thanks.

 

[bitzer]

I am really sorry that I missed the fact you posted and that you had to wait so long for a reply.