On hypervigilance after a long time

[Movingforward10]

She just doesn't know any boundaries, that's why I started writting here (she is bad with technology). I used to have a dairy but once she found it and started looking for it everywhere until I threw it away. She also checks on me regularly, and when she is on a crisis she does it like every 10 minutes and forces me to tell her exactly what I'm doing until she believes me.

It is tied to her depression too. She says that me, my brother and God are her only reasons to live, and as such we shouldn't keep any secrets with her. She knows every single of my friends secrets, even the ones that they haven't told anyone else but me and it makes me feel so guilty, as well as the moment she knows I have a secret she forces me to sit in front of her until I tell it to her, as well as having to help her make my brother "speak up".

Finally, I actually asked my mother once to let me go to therapy, but somehow my mother managed convince my T to let her be in the room too. It made me feel very uncomfortable, especially because once I made her leave the room with my psychologist (in a kind way of course) and later in the car she wouldn't drive until I told her what I said to the psychologist, I had to make up a gross lie in order for her to let me leave. It is really a big part of the reason why I can't get help.

I'm sorry that sounds very difficult to live like that.
How old are you? Is there a plan you can put in place to move out if you are an adult? If that isn't possible, is there someone you can talk to?

My mum has no boundaries either, and has a strange obsession with my body. I no longer will stay in her house. She not only tries to see my body, but also my partner's when we have stayed. I'm in my 40's now and she hasn't changed.

I suppose it's trying to carve out something safe for you whilst you are in this situation.
If you are a minor, can you talk to child protection services?

 

[Corvidcore34]

personally, i find it much easier to establish my escape routes on the good days. mother may not be in crisis today, but the pattern seems to guarantee that safety won't last. taking action on the good days may help with lessening the mama drama on the bad days.

i can respect that it is easier for many people to hide in their rooms, but there is considerable truth to you earlier thread about the probability of your finding your healing path while you are living with your abusers. their house, their rules.

I completely agree with you, I just don't know what measures to do. I feel like when I finally tell anyone what happened, what it made me feel and that I'm scared no one will be believe me. I have been trying to bring up the topic to my dad but he just refuses to talk about it.

I have thought and wanted to maybe buying a weapon and bringing it to my room for safety, but I feel like it won't work with someone like my mother, who gets completely out of her mind sometimes when on a crisis, and I don't feel like I can actually hurt her, she is my mother.

Finally I still don't like I should leave, I know I say all these things about my mother but when she is not on one she is one of the sweetest and kindest people I know. She never gets mad at me when I'm late to something or when I ask her for help or when I get something wrong, and my brother completely loves her, and I don't want him to pass for any of the things that I have, I feel like I should protect him. And I know that it hurts her to be away from us, there have been times when she is so bad on a crisis that her mother comes to pick her up and take her to her house in another city, and when she does they always have to do it by force cause she doesn't want to be away from us, as well as when she is away from us she usually heals quickly just so she can be near us again. There is just so many things that I think make it so complicated for me to leave.

I'm sorry that sounds very difficult to live like that.
How old are you? Is there a plan you can put in place to move out if you are an adult? If that isn't possible, is there someone you can talk to?

My mum has no boundaries either, and has a strange obsession with my body. I no longer will stay in her house. She not only tries to see my body, but also my partner's when we have stayed. I'm in my 40's now and she hasn't changed.

I suppose it's trying to carve out something safe for you whilst you are in this situation.
If you are a minor, can you talk to child protection services?

I'm not sure, I'm barely and adult at 18 but my brother is 13, and I don't know if somebody will take us. I've been trying to test waters with some of my family but I still don't know