Once coworkers/employer think your dumb, there's no coming back.

[PreciousChild]

Maybe the mistake that office manager yelled at me for was my mistake. Hard to tell. Maybe I am just incompetent

Sorry for getting in on the conversation so late. I just wanted to say that as far as I know, no one is incompetent at their core, and if you think so, it's almost 100% likely that it's cognitive distortion. I understand that learning disabilities can affect performance, but you could focus on specific strategies that might help with that. When you say that your whole self is incompetent, that just doesn't sound plausible.

I relate to your distortion because I'm totally triggered by feeling incompetent. My parents expected me to serve their needs from a very young age, so my survival depended on being competent way before I was ready to take on responsibility. My job right now comes with a lot of responsibility, and I am regularly given evaluation reports, and they're always excellent. But I frequently get triggered, and when I do, I am still that child who does everything wrong. I actually become dissociative, performing my job functions and maintaining a steady tone of voice on the outside while a part of brain goes into panic mode and attempts to flight. I guess I've adapted.

 

[Mach123]

My daughter is at a new job and I had to pep talk her this week. Same stuff. I know it well. I'm setting up a t shirt shop online. Probably won't do anything but I don't care. Just want to take action. Nothing can happen if you don't. I need the possibility of self employment again. I've done it before. It's scary but it's doable.

As far as other people it's hard because they put you down this pushes them up. So if you back down they go up. That's dominance.

So you're right once they get you to do that they have you where they want you and they walk all over you.

If you have the fawning reflex it's really hard to overcome. I was thinking yesterday it's like any other reflex if you stick your finger in my throats I'll puke. Doesn't mean I'm bad. I just make it bad.

Correcting a lifetime of this is a nightmare but I hope I'm improving. The part of me that was causing this reflex.

All you can do anything about is how you feel I know how hard it is but fuk them. That's what I told my daughter and I don't mean in words which is the mistake I always made.

I mean inside. When u feel safe. They start that sh*t and you just say no, you can't do that to me anymore.

 

[Muttly]

So... sorry I disappeared from this thread. I might have been avoiding at it. I believe my performance improved but nothing else has. In fact things have gotten worse. Or maybe that's just me making a big deal out of things? Well no. Not completely. I know there is the real possibility they will let let me go. I know that one of the "problems" the doctor recently brought up is I made a mistake while giving a cat an injection.... I was being trained to do the procedure. But apparently the mistake is indicative of my incompetence? I dunno. There's a lot more that I probably need to say about my time at this clinic (lets call them the local clinic).

I am sort of proud of myself because after that conversation with the doctor I actually thought proactively. There is another vet clinic I sub on some Sundays. I let them know if they were looking for a full time person I would be interested. I always like going there. And unlike any other work place I have been in, I can honestly say I thoroughly enjoy every single staff member. And they like me. I know that. And they virtually leaped at the chance of hiring me full-time. Turns out they were in need. The biggest down-side is the drive, but it's not too bad. And I have a less regular schedule. And it's a chain so they can be corporatey. But.. none of those are deal breakers. I know the negatives and they are all manageable.

I don't have a schedule yet with them (Should know more on Saturday) but today I am going to hand in my letter of resignation. It's a bit risky because what if it takes some time to get to full time at corp. clinic? I can barely pay my bills as is. At the same time, there are other clinics in that corporate chain and they are always looking for subs. My old job at the grocery store would also hiring me back immediately too. That's the thing. I've never had bad job performance. I've always been someone who gets good reviews and wanted. Until this job.

The fact that I am really afraid of how it will go when I give my resignation letter is probably a sign something isn't right there. Like, I feel like I could be fired immediately or yelled at or treated like crap for the next two weeks. Ugh. I'm so stressed out about going.

 

[somerandomguy]

Sounds like you're exchanging a bad situation for a much better situation, though. Nice work!!

 

[Muttly]

but then like a complete moron I didn't give notice

 

[somerandomguy]

Giving notice is just a convention. You don't ever HAVE to do it, especially if it really wasn't working out at your old place.

 

[Teasel]

Hope you'll be happier at the new place :)

 

[PreciousChild]

I agree with @somerandomguy . Giving notice is just a convention, and typically only if you don't want to burn bridges. Congrats on the new job! I hope you continue to check yourself for the distortions that make you feel incompetent.

 

[Muttly]

I don’t understand why I am making this so difficult. Today is a mess here reminding me why I am going to leave. And yet I am also feeling guilty.

I still haven’t said anything and that makes me feel like a wuss

 

[Teasel]

Sounds like you're in a place energetically if you like of feeling like you're bad? I dont know if that was an issue in your past. And that maybe being st this place has sort of made you feel si.ilarly somehow? Is that possible?

 

[PreciousChild]

I don't know if you're up for it, but how about just going for it? I believe that it helps us check our distortions by doing what we fear and finding out that it's not the catastrophic consequence we expected. A repetition of such exposures to our fears help us create new habits. To me, no amount of talking to yourself or thinking can substitute for acting. But you have to be in the right frame of mind.

 

[Muttly]

@berlinda That "I can't do anything right" feeling goes straight back to childhood stuff. :p

@PreciousChild - Thanks, your words really helped me. I needed that nudge.

So... I talked to the doctor (owner of the practice). I did give notice. He was ok and we had a decent conversation. But it was confusing, because he said that I had really stepped it up. Umm... 5 days ago you had this huge list of things I had done wrong and talked like you'd likely be letting me go? I don't get it. He did bring up an issue that happened today that he'd been told about. What he reported is *not* what happened. Yes, I got confused (learning mistake). The way he talked I was going to be handing the doctor the wrong vaccines. No. I got confused. I asked for help, because I didn't want it to be wrong. I don't know who keeps telling him things, but ... wtf.

No one else knows I've given notice. I don't know how it will go once word gives out. But for now, I've made the first step.