I am so sorry. I relate to this. I had similar experiences with my stepfather. He pointed a gun and fired at my sister on 4th of July in 1987 when I was 7 and she was about to turn 11. When we both bolted in terror, he laughed like I have never seen or heard a person laugh before or since. I can still see his face very clearly. The delight that man took in watching children suffering was 10 times more traumatizing than the events, themselves.It wasn’t the lightning that traumatized me, it was his laughter as I fled to the couch to hide under my blanket.
I hate it for you. I really do. None of us can really feel another's pain. Except in those rare circumstances when we do. Then we have ours and theirs.December 3, 2020
“My worth is who I AM not what I can do” Me
Why is it that a person can not say a word (but grunt and grumble) and make me feel guilty for something that I didn’t choose! For example, my husband chooses not to drive yet if I have a rough time waking up at 5:30, it’s my fault he’s late?!
Ugh! Feeling irritated today.
I'm so glad you had a good appointment with your therapist!December 4, 2020
Had a great appointment with my T! Finally, a therapist who is going to work with me! She says I definitely have PTSD based on what we discussed. I’m feeling sad and relieved at the same time. Relieved that she helped make sense of things: why I wake up sad for no reason, why I never sleep through the night without meds or alcohol, why I never know what I want or what makes me happy. I’m sad because I realize it’s gonna be a rough road ahead. Yet the more challenging the feat, the greater the reward